Is this Co-parenting?

Remember that 3 day–60 mile walk

2011-09-19T16:46:00.001-04:00

....I was gonna do? And I needed to raise $2300? I did it!! And it was AMAZING.

Most of you probably followed my journey along on FB, but I’ll post about it in it’s entirety here:

For those who aren’t familiar with 3 day for the cure, it’s to raise awareness about breast cancer. Along with Raising money for research and community based programs.

Opening ceremony

I didn't walk the whole 60 miles, but I'm damn proud of myself for walking 55 miles!!

The 1st day I came to realize I didn't have enough arch support in my shoes. They were too bendy. I ended up taking the SAG bus from one of the last pit stops back to base camp. I hurt sooo badly. Because my arches hurt, I walked funny, which made my hips hurt and consequently my knee swelled.. :/

The 2nd day I realized that I needed my arches bound up, but didn't do it in the morning like I should have. Only from Lunch onward. I ended up helping a woman and her friend during this first portion. One of them had broken her foot the previous weekend in a motorcycle accident. Her friend said "We're STILL doing the walk!" Her friend pushed her in the wheelchair, and when her friend couldn't quite find the strength to go up a hill, other people took over!! It was a beautiful thing to see everyone helping each other.

I ended up taking the SAG bus to lunch this day to get my arches bound. I should have just stood in line in the morning but didn't want to mess with it.
But it was amazing to walk over the line into camp at the end of that day. I bent over and kissed the ground. Wanted to bawl my eyes out from fatigue.

I took my shower, ate and went straight to medical. lol BTW, you shower in a semi truck, but it’s actually not so bad. =) They really provide for EVERYTHING. You want more to eat? Go for it! Towel service, and entertainment.

The 3rd day was kind of hectic. That night before the sprinklers went off in the medical tent! So at 3am everyone was kind of running around crazy. They had to move it to the dining tent. I stood in line in the morning. - had my feet bound up. BUT it wasn’t the same lady as before. So the way she did it, ended up causing blisters at the very end of the day. Argh. I ALMOST got away with having no blisters! Using deodorant on your feet works to help with that! I saw others using vaseline and vix too.

I walked the ENTIRE day - all 20 miles! It hurt. I was having those "giving up" thoughts, and then there would be a pit stop. Or I would stop and stretch some more. Or a cheering station. I can't tell you how encouraging those stations are! I loved all the signs.

And the SHIRTS. Omg some were sad and I cried just reading them. Some were funny. Like “YES, these are fake. The real ones tried to kill me!!”

Oh and there was one sign a little boy was holding that said “My mom is here because you are walking!”

The police were super awesome. Pink cuffs, skirts, helmets, boas.. just everything you could think of.

EVERYBODY was dressed up. There were big burly bikers who helped with traffic control. They'd walk you across the street wearing big pink balloon in bras, a pink wig. Tu-tu's and knee high socks. They were so encouraging.

But one thing we figured out... the mileage?? They totally FLAT OUT LIE TO YOUR FACE about how far you've gone, or how far you have left to go. I get it. I do. When you're staring down just 5 more miles... hearing "1 more mile ladies!!!" is actually pretty awesome. Even if you hear it 10 times. lol The walkers all called them "Komen miles". Next time I want to get a gps mileage tracker. I did the first half on my phone, on the first day. It KILLED my phone. :/
A picture of the city, just after lunch. Where they told you that you only had 5 miles left to go... It was more like 10. The closing ceremony was right near the space needle. So that gives you an idea of how far we had left to walk. It was NOT "just 5 more miles."

They have pit stops (drinks, food, medics and porta potties), grab and go's (drinks, food and porta potties) and cheering stations whichever drinks, stickers, necklaces, foods that people bring. Then other times just people dotted along the way.
1st pit stop from day 1 - just part of it..

This is the lunch stop for day 3. The view of the back of my mom... is what I saw most often. lol She walks SO fast. To keep hurts.

A cheering station:

First girl on the right reminds me of "save the cheerleader, save the world."
And then there are the "Walker Stalkers". People who dressed up their cars and would drive by, over and over. Ringing cow bells, playing loud music and screaming encouragements.

One of the pit stops. Each pit stop had a theme..

Hehe.. get it? when you’re making out in highschool.. 1st base is “kissing”, 2nd base is the boobs… and so on.

The sweep vans do the same thing. Except they pick up walkers who are injured or need a break but are too far from the rest stop. When we pushed the wheelchair chick, we ended up being at the back of the walker line. We were 2 miles out from the rest stop, so they picked us up before it closed. If you're the last walker into camp, EVERYONE rushes out to greet you. They give you a flag, play some dance music and you raise the flag up the flag pole while everyone cheers you on and congratulates you for making it into camp. They're serious when they say it's "not a race".

Video of that moment: What I didn’t catch was her raising the flag for the end of the day.

This is the national spokesman for susan g komen - Dr Sheri Phillips (breast cancer survivor) and 60 Mile Man.. dancing on stage for dance party night. She is awesome. She's really sweet and funny. Made each day a blast.

Also – he (mathew aka 60 Mile man) did this on the 1st and 2nd night too. This video is from this year. Obviously, as you can see by the title - but in Michigan

60 mile Man. Yes, I'm puffy and in pain. okay?? lol

BUT

And these guys (and girl) walked the WHOLE way in their uniforms.

WE did it though! My mom didn't pass out, just blinked. Promise. lol

Video of our entrance

When you finish, everyone gets a shirt. Each group a different color. Walkers received white, and breast cancer survivors wear pink.

Videos of closing ceremony.. just partials because my battery was dying again.

single shoe salute to survivors

I’ve been so quiet!

2011-09-03T00:44:00.001-04:00

You could say we've been homeschooling all along. So it's not a far leap into starting the "harder" things.
Eldest started learning his ABC's at 18mo thanks to a little vtech computer that Toto (my mother-in-law) bought him. After we figured that out, we started working with flash cards. By 2, I was working with him on the sounds letters make and how to draw them.
Now he's reading.
To aid in this home schooling start, I bought and really love the Brain Quest books.

It really makes TEACHING easy. I scour the learning sections, picking up and looking at books. If it doesn't look simple to teach then I'm just going to end up confusing myself and the kiddos. I like having it organized by section, with simple directions to read to them.
Not only that, but every page is colorful. So it's not a "coloring" book. It's a learning book. There are certainly pages that are white, with directions for what to look for and which color to color it.
2 summers ago we picked up the Pre-K book for eldest.
He flew through it. He was about 2.5 at the time. Once he flew through that, then we got him the kindergarten book. That took a bit more time for him to get through. More of a learning aspect and he needed to pace himself.
Now he's working on the first grade book. This includes telling time, counting money, math, sciences and social studies as just a few.

I know that he's ahead for his age. I *know* that my second little man is much more at an age appropriate learning pace. I just can't help but be proud that they are doing so well.
I was not a very good student. I hated school. I felt stupid and really had trouble learning things under pressure. It makes me so happy that I can make learning fun for the kids, and what's more, that they excel.
At first my second had NO interest in doing any of the things that eldest was doing at a very early age. Not even last summer. Suddenly, in just the past few weeks he has literally jumped into all of it. He wanted to do what eldest was doing. Any time I sat down with him, my second was asking to do it too. I had a little cheapy pre-k book that was more of a coloring book than anything, but he had no interest.
I decided I would just spend the money and get him the brain quest pre-k one and see how he did. If he didn't want to work in it, then I would just hold onto it for when he was ready.
The first day, over the course of the day, he did the first 68 pages. I always makes sure that they take a break. Even if they WANT to do more, I say "okay one more page, then it's time for a break." I don't want them to get over-loaded. If they seem disinterested, I give them a break. If they seem distracted, I give them a break. They always do better when they come back to it with renewed interest.
But seriously, my second kept asking to do his book. He made heartbreaking comments like "I'm going to do this and when daddy comes home I will be so happy to show him my letters!!!!"
It's not like I could just stand there and tell him no! lol

My brother told me about Khan Academy . He found out about it from TED Talks. And has been using it for his kiddos.

It's free and it's awesome.

So I got eldest a little google account so he could have his own login, and practice separate from my page. This way I could sign up as his “coach” and watch his progress via my own login. I plan to especially use this he gets older.

Now, I completely realize that eldest is probably not totally ready for basic addition. Considering he was starting to encounter it in his first grade book, I thought it would be a good idea to start using the khan academy video as another way of learning. He LOVED it. He got so excited about it and wanted to watch another video. I let him watch one more, but I'd rather not go too fast with that. lol
So this is him practicing his basic addition. This is after him JUST learning it. It's definitely a skill he will need to practice and understand better over time, but I'm certainly impressed by my little booger.

End of Summer

2011-08-11T19:23:00.001-04:00

And just like that, my busy summer has ended. With a little bit of patience, it will get busy again soon next month for a couple of weeks.

I really had a blast being surrounded by so many kids. It was a huge blessing having my niece and nephew here. We had our ups and downs, which of course happen in every family. We had our conversations about mutual respect, love and kindness towards our family – even if we don’t want to.

Mostly the summer was a huge hit.

Today at the airport was a bit stressful though. We got there two hours early and time to spare. Since my niece and nephew are underage, I had my form that would allow me to walk them all the way to the gate. But with no babysitter, this meant doing the whole airport process with 5 kids, without actually getting to fly anywhere. I stood in line at the kiosk to check them in, only to be told that I’d have to go to customer assistance instead because I have to have printed permits to walk them back. I stood in line for an HOUR, and the flight time was getting closer and closer. Plus we still had to go through security. I should have known when I tried to park the car and had the hardest time finding a spot that the airport was busy…

I stood there and prayed that God wouldn’t let us miss their flight. The natives were getting restless, and even though I planned for this and had entertainment for them in my purse – there is only so much you can pull out while standing in a slowly moving line. “Please God, send me some help..”

That’s when a woman with the airline walked over with a concerned look. “Hi, can I help you.”

“YES”, I nearly screamed. “My niece and nephew are traveling today, I need to walk them back but I have to have a permit.. and I have my kids with me……”

“Oh, well I can help you over here!” and she walks us back to the SAME kiosk that the previous airport assistant had told me I couldn’t do it from. Gee thanks.

I told her that I prayed for someone to help us and she was a God send. She said “I’ll do you one better!!” and showed us the “family” line for security.. which was completely empty. After standing in line for so long and on the verge of running late.. we arrived at the terminal with 20 minutes to spare. That gave us some more bonding time. Kisses and hugs. A few tears and “I’ll see you later. Hey it’s no big deal. =)”

All in all, I rocked that whole “5 kids at the airport” thing. Try and guess how many times someone visibly counted the kids I had with me, asked me “How many kids do you have????” or “Are those all yours???” I’ll give you a hint, a LOT.

Honestly, I don’t mind it. I quite liked it. I can imagine myself with a big family.

I really, truly loved having so many people here this summer. It has gone by so fast and now that I’m back home with just my 3 kiddos.. it’s so quiet.

My friend recently talked on her blog about perspective. Looking at a family with many children, or even just 1 more than you have… you wonder how you can get anything done. Now that I have “two missing children”, my 3 kids doesn’t seem like so many at all. I can get a lot done, and I did just that once I came home from the airport.

I’m going to miss those kiddos. Can’t wait for christmas, when I get to see them again.

It’s been one heck of a busy month….

2011-07-27T15:25:00.001-04:00

Well Hey hello there! Yes, it’s been insanely busy here. All that is coming to a very happy/sad end.

We were a host family for a 16 year old girl from the Basque country. (That’s in Spain, but don’t dare call them Spaniards. That’ll just piss them off. ;) Her name is Nerea and she fit into our family like a puzzle piece.

When I first learned about the opportunity I got excited, but that quickly diminished as I thought about all the family and “business” that would be happening in our family. It didn’t seem like the right time to host a Basque student. I learned that a family started this 10 years ago, and after that first student they came up with a program called Summer in the USA. A great number of kids come over from Basque, stay with a family to practice their English – attend camp and then at the end of a month they go back home. What they learn during that month is so important though. They learn about Jesus, they practice their English, and you as a whole family unit take in this child as your own. They become not a guest, but a son or daughter/sister or brother. You form a bond, you laugh and play, cry and have “serious” conversations about things that might shock you. It’s all worth it. But when I was first asked, I refused. I thought about all the things I’d have to do this summer and taking in a student wasn’t on the agenda. As I stood their listening to the coordinator explain the benefits, I realized that everything I had planned – wasn’t that big of a deal. Instead I turned my focus to the student and the family who would be visiting. I made them my focus. I prayed God would give me the energy, the ideas to keep them entertained and the food to feed them all!! In short, I said yes. Suddenly, I was excited. I couldn’t WAIT for her to arrive. I prayed that she would enjoy our family, and I prayed that we would enjoy having her.

My experience was amazing. As soon as she arrived, we took her to a concert to see my Husband’s re-enlistment ceremony. She met my mother-in-law and had the fun opportunity to learn new recipes and cook with a “celebrity chef”. They made Paella together and we all sat down to enjoy. We walked around the city, exploring and seeing things she otherwise might miss out on.

The first week she was here, we used the English/Spanish translator – quite often. As that week ended, we found our flow. Her English improved and we communicated more easily. We stayed up until 1am one night, snuggling on the couch like sisters talking about things that were important to her. I learned a lot about her home town, her family, her friends, her school…

She talks. A lot. That’s okay because so do I, so she fit right in. She’s not very modest. Neither am I, so who cares? There were a couple of REALLY funny times in that regard. The very first night I brought her home, she called me to her room to hand out gifts from her town. I walk in and she’s got only her bra and undies on. Not a huge deal, but it let me know just exactly what to expect. Like peeing with the door open, showering too (until I closed the door for her) lol I’d just laugh and close the door, and she learned it’s what we were used to in our house. An unspoken thing.

One night we all came home late from fireworks, and Nate took the kids upstairs to start bedtime while I let the dogs out to pee. I realized Nerea was upstairs and probably changing, so I rush upstairs to relieve my husband and see him rushing down the stairs to “find a diaper”. I turn to see Nerea, with her shirt off (bra on) and start busting out laughing. Poor Lovey was fleeing the scene. I was unconcerned, Nerea was clueless. I put kids to bed, then found my husband. He swore he had no idea and I let him know he was off the hook (that he was never on to begin with). We laughed about it over and over. Later, I told Nerea about the situation and she laughed, ran to find Lovey and teased him a little. It was cute.

When Nerea came home from camp, I got an email from the cabin counselor that went with all the students. Just letting me know what they’d learned and experienced. Telling me about cabin time and things I might not have heard from my Basque daughter. I laughed so hard when I read the part of Nerea hardly wearing clothes during cabin time. I talked to Nerea about it and we laughed some more. She really does fit right into our family. I hate clothes too. At camp, they’d yell “Nerea, put on some clothes!!!” Because she’d be walking around in her bra and panties. To me?? Who cares!!!!

One thing that really touched y heart was when she introduced me as her “mother” to her Basque friends. She could have said any number of words like “host family”, but nope. Just mother.

When my brother and his family showed up we went hiking, made s’mores, played games and just all around had a LOT of fun. =)

This is a picture of all the kids, plus my sis-n-law, on our day of hiking.

Lovey, little girl and I acting like city folk stuck in the woods.

We all figured out really quickly how competitive Nerea is when it comes to games. In a fun way, not a “mad at losing” kind of way. She kicked our butts at Phase 10, Monopoly, and Scrabble. SCRABBLE. Yes, the foreigner did better than us Americans with English words! This is what our “home life” consisted of. Lots and lots of fun. Movie nights (with Spanish subtitles), game nights, junk food and healthy dinners. I truly had a blast.

Mind you, that during this time… I had 6 kids in my house. My niece and nephew have been here as well. Plus Nerea, that’s 3 more than usual. I LOVED IT. I really, truly, loved having such a big family. I loved waking up to every one in the house, making them food and just being busy the entire day until I collapsed into bed with my husband to snuggle and talk. This was the BEST month ever. I don’t know if I’ll ever have this many children, that’s up to God. I can say though, that it would truly be a blessing for me if I did.

The hardest part of this month wasn’t the amount of kids, or figuring out what to do with them. Or even having the food to feed them. God provided for us in amazing ways. I planned events ahead of time. No, the hardest part was saying goodbye to Nerea. I drove early, early to the airport to drop her off. There were lots of host families there to drop their students – plus the counselors who were flying home with them. You could look around and feel the emotions from everyone. There was a level of anxiousness in the air. Of not wanting to let them go. Realizing that this isn’t their place, and that their blood relatives would probably want them back home so it’s not like we could just keep them. ;)

We sat and ate some breakfast at the airport. Making small talk and just trying to make the time pass by without bursting into tears. I took a few last pictures…

Notice Nerea’s red face from tears..

I gave her lots and lots of hugs and told her to “Please come back to us!” I told her how much she means to us, how much we’ve enjoyed the PLEASURE of her company. We cried. Those happy/sad tears. The kind like you’re sending your child off to college. Except I don’t know when I’ll ever see her again. They are hard tears to cry. I love this girl. She’s a puzzle piece that fit so perfectly.

The kids have been asking when Nerea is coming back home. To our home. For a month, she was their sister – and they miss her.

We love you Nerea. I can’t wait to see you again, whenever that may be!

Not Spain or France… She’s my Basque Baby!

2011-05-16T16:19:00.001-04:00

July is going to be a VERY BUSY MONTH. I'm so excited.
My Basque child flies in June 25th. She has her Orientation. Lovey re-enlists on the 27th (his mom flies in for that.) I have my calender literally filled with things to do. Then my brother and his family arrive (add 4 more people to my brood). They stay until the 12th at which point, my bro and sis-n-law fly home and leave their kids with me.
Then my basque child has camp for a week. I'm planning movie night, bbq at the park, bowling, fondue night, my b-day party, a tour of the local area, mini-golf, basketball/volleyball at the park, glow in the dark chalk a couple nights, maybe camping? going to the ceramics studio, drive in movie, navy museum, beach picnic.
I'm SO excited. I'm going to have 6 kids under my roof this july and I couldn't be more thrilled.
I know we'll have tussles here and there, and probably a bit of culture shock with my basque child.
There's also the things the church will have set up (free for us) if we run out of ideas or would rather do that then our own thing. But yeah. I'm just so so so excited.
Not only that, but I'm learning a lot about the Basque country. Like... they don't like outsiders. For an outsider to go in, don't expect a friendly welcome into anyone's home. BUT because I'm taking this child into our home, treating her like my own daughter and loving on her - her family is now my family. We will now have an "extended" family of children, aunts, uncles, sisters and brothers. Because I've loved their child, now they love me. If we ever planned a visit over there, we'd be wined and dined and treated as one of their own.
It's this amazing social connection.

Here’s the reason it’s amazing… In the church, the Basque country is describe as “unreached”. Their idea of faiths include: Catholicism, Judaism, and “the occult”. Which, sadly, evangelical faith is lumped into. Only the elderly go to Catholic mass, and even then.. It’s taught in Spanish and not Euskala (which is the Basque language). It’s estimated that in the entire country, there might be 50 Christian Basque. (I think I’m remembering that right…) Most are religiously indifferent.

There are Spanish speaking churches in the area, but the Basque and Spaniards really don’t like each other, so you can see how well that goes over.

BUT NOW: Because we’ve taken in their child. We have an “in”. We can minister to, love on, and SHOW God’s love, through our own love. Not be pushy pushy preachy preachy… but minister through actions.

And that just makes my heart sing.
I feel like God has really been speaking to me, and ministering to me about family. About large families, extended families.
I've had it set in my head about having a large family. It's always been on my heart, and now we're at 3 kids and we're talking about where to go from here.. it literally SCARES me to think about stopping. But I want to honor Lovey too and his concerns and worries (all financial) about having a large family.
So I've just been praying that if this is where our family growth "ends", that God would change the "needs" I feel in my heart. That he'd help me feel "full" and fulfilled.
I don't know how to explain it. I've been praying about the prospect of a new baby in our family. It's a big decision, and not one I can make alone. All of our children (save our eldest) have come as a big surprise. This was the first time we were talking about having another. We talked about having baby girl after he made first class, but then Lovey wanted us to hold off. So we decided to wait until we got to the new boat (obviously, surprise, I was already pregnant when we decided that.)
We still have names picked out! lol There were a couple of times that I thought I was actually pregnant. I had the symptoms, I just didn't have the positive test. So I was confused, and hopeful, and unsure and everything that comes with it. I prayed I was, I prayed I wasn't.. I prayed that I'd just KNOW already.
When I first heard about the students coming to visit, and hearing they needed "parents" to take them in... My heart jumped. I quieted it back down reminding myself that I would already have company (my niece) and taking in a student wouldn't be the best. Well, then I was asked personally by the woman who arranges it. I made up EVERY EXCUSE that came to mind. We were moving to a new house. (Now we're not). My niece is coming, and now my nephew.. And we have a LARGE house to accommodate everybody because we're not moving.
Then after I said "yes" to taking in a Basque student, I felt God tell me... "This is your new baby." It was really beautiful and brought me joy to think about this new idea. And just even typing this out makes me cry.
Well, now I'm doing this "Basque training" which is required before I can take a student in. I even get a "manual" lol about when I bring home my "Basque baby". They are SERIOUS about treating them, not like a guest, but your own child. If your other children have chores, give your basque child a household chore too. But expect to have to teach them what to do, because some if not most, might have a nanny (or a grandma) that does everything.
Watching the videos brings happy tears and love to my heart because all these families talk about how when they've taken in a student, it was as if their own family grew. They now had a loving family in a different country.
I don't know. This might not make any sense because it's all really emotional and personal for me. On a outside level it may be hard to understand.
Thinking about never being pregnant again. Never having another baby to raise and love still scares me. It's not like suddenly I'm okay with it. I'm just welcoming the idea of a new family.. period.

Holy Moley

2011-05-08T01:23:00.002-04:00

My eldest IS READING!!!

He's 4.5 years old, and came up to me today with the Go, Dog, Go book and just started reading it. I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. Then tonight for bedtime he read us all Goodnight Moon.

I knew he was recognizing words on street signs. Like stop, and no parking.. But damn. To be suddenly reading? When did this start? I wish I could take credit, but I know it's all his little brain and how it works. He knew all his ABC’s at 18mo, and the sounds they made by age 2. It’s been a steady progression from there.
I’m both heart broken that he’s growing up, and JOYOUS all at once. Go baby!! Mama is proud!
BEST MOTHER’S DAY PRESENT EVER!!!!

Why I believe in God

2011-05-05T19:30:00.000-04:00

Part 2

If you missed Part 1, read it here

When I was little my family raised goats. We had a separate pen for the kids (baby goats) to play. I would crawl over the gate, and run around in there (the square on the picture below). My dad would be working in his “work cabin” (the circle on the picture), and I would more or less wander around our property, climbing trees and playing.

One day, when I was about 4 years old, I had crawled over the gate to play with the goats. I remember vividly (pretty much) everything that happened. So I share with you…

I was skipping in a circle around the little dog house that was in the pen. It had a piece of metal flashing sticking up on it. While skipping, I tripped. Instead of just picking myself up and dusting myself off, I had decided to use the fence and the dog house and pull up on both to lift myself up off the ground. I grabbed the fence, then grabbed the piece of metal flashing and heaved myself up. Cutting my right hand open with the metal in the process.

I fell back down and blacked out. When I came to (which couldn’t have been that long I don’t think), I started crying. I leaned on the fence this time to pull myself up from the ground, cradling my hand in the process. I tried to climb the gate but it couldn’t. It suddenly seemed so tall and imposing. Keeping me from the comfort of my daddy. I cried for my him, but he was working in his cabin cutting wood on the table saw.

For those unfamiliar with a table saw, they’re loud. Not only the motor, but the screeching as it cuts the wood. As I cried for him, he JUST happened to be done cutting and turned off his table saw. He heard the very sad, hurt filled cries of “DAAAA-ddyyyyy” and poked his head out the door to see what was the matter. He saw me standing in the goat pen, crying, and thought maybe one of the baby goats had butted me. Which wouldn’t have been a big deal. Or possibly that I had fallen and banged a knee.

I remember he came walking over leisurely. I still remember his smile, and the reassuring look on his face that seemed to say “Oh, you’re okay honey. Come on now, crawl over the gate and let’s take a look at you.”

I heard him say to climb the gate, and as he came walking closer the look changed to horror. To a look that can only say “oh shit”.

My dad by this time had been a paramedic for about 7 years if I’m counting right. But I have NEVER seen my dad run so fast. At the age of 4 it must have been very impressive to me indeed. He came rushing over, leaned over the gate which seemed so tall, picked me up and raced up to the house carrying me all the way.

Oh the blood, all that blood. He sat me on the washer and put my hand under the water in the sink. I know it hurt, but I don’t remember the pain. He was so reassuring. My dad made sure to always keep medical supplies on hand for instances like this, and he began wrapping my hand up in gauze and ace bandage calmly, as if he was applying a mere band-aid to a scraped knee. He gave me two tylenol and put me in the car. On the drive to the hospital, I remember wanting to nap. But he kept waking up me saying “I know you’re tired, but I need you to stay awake.”

I remember being in the ER, them wanting to give me a shot, and despite my injured hand they had to fight me for it. Pain meds? Tetanus? That part I’m unsure of.

I remember my hand being in a bowl of iodine, but I thought it was blood and was scared.

I remember the doctor unwrapping my hand – which had stopped bleeding by then – to look at it. He took a pencil and gently placed it along the tips my fingers, asking me to grab it. I could only move two fingers.

As it turns out. I cut all four fingers of my (then) tiny little hand.

The cut ran across where the red line is.

As we sat waiting, they brought in a team of doctors to determine how to repair the cut. One of those doctors could do a killer Peewee Herman voice, but I was not impressed. I sat firmly planted on my daddy’s lap. When they were ready to begin surgery, a male nurse carried me back to the OR. I was in a small hospital gown, with it hanging open in the back. Only my undies on beneath it, and I was embarrassed. I looked back at my daddy, and there he stood smiling, reassuring me some more.

They laid me down on the table in the OR. Covered my face with a mask and told me it was “Monkey Gas”. Told me to breathe in big, deep breathes and to count to 10. I got to 3 before I was too tired to continue and closed my eyes.

I was in micro-surgery for Four hours. I had cut two tendons (which was why I could only bend two fingers), and a nerve.They had to cut further into two of my fingers to retrieve said tendons and nerve. Almost like a stretched rubber band, they had sprung towards the tips of my fingers.

23 years later, you can hardly see the scars anymore.

The injured hand, is the hand I write with.

When I woke up, I was in some place new. There was a long gray counter with cabinets underneath it in front of my bed. I was in a very large empty room (recovery), and the lights were so bright. There was a nurse standing at that counter who came over to check on me. I was still so sleepy and had such a hard time keeping my eyes open.

At one point I turned my head to the right, and saw my mom coming in. She had red eyes from crying. I told her “Mommy, I hurt myself a little bit”, and she told me she knew that. I don’t remember anything else after that conversation. Possibly I fell back asleep.

Time went by. I had a blast as I healed in the hospital. Someone in a Kangaroo costume came by to visit, and I got a sticker. I remember it stung when they finally took my IV out. Then they let me go home. I had my very large cast. Once that was allowed off, my dad and I took the stitches out gently together with ointment and que-tips. Then the removable cast, that somehow would get completely turned around as I slept at night.

I don’t believe I was lucky. I specifically believe that God was watching out for me. I could have lost way more blood then I did. My dad could have never heard me; considering the distance between the cabin and the goat pen – and the use of the table saw at the time. I don’t think it was just luck that my dad happened to be a paramedic and bandaged me appropriately.

I don’t think it was just luck that allowed for an incredibly skilled team of doctors to repair my hand so well that I quickly learned to color/write again using it. Children are resilient, yes. We can bounce back quick. I even could have easily learned to use my other hand, given my age. But I didn’t have to.

I am blessed. God, is faithful to take care of us.

Next I discuss an auto-immune disease that I remarkably don’t have to deal with anymore.

Why I believe in God…

2011-05-03T15:32:00.001-04:00

Part 1:

After my sister was born, my dad got a vasectomy. He didn’t really discuss it with my mother, just went out and did it. Which I think upset her. She didn’t feel “done” yet. But that was that. Several years later, my sister decided she wanted a baby sister. She kept asking my parents, talking about having a baby sister, and praying at bedtime for God to give her a baby sister. My parents at the time were fostering kids, and thought maybe they would adopt. It seemed like the obvious choice if they wanted another. So they started to pray about it.

My mom started experiencing pain in her side. They went in and discovered a cyst so large it was pulling her ovary down, causing pain. Surgery would be required, but they first wanted to take a pregnancy test. If they didn’t and she was pregnant, the surgery could abort the baby. My parents laughed “Oh, we’re not pregnant”. My mom was almost 40. My dad’s vasectomy had happened NINE years prior. They felt pretty certain…but did the test anyway.

My mom was pregnant with me. The surgery would wait. Her doctor talked to her about Down’s syndrome. About abortion because of her age. My mom found a new doctor, and planned for a gentle birth MUCH different than her previous three.

My birth was the first time my mom was not induced. 2 weeks after my due date had come and past, my mom was bending over to put kids to bed and felt a “pop” inside. It was then that she started bleeding. Her placenta started to tear away from the uterus. When this happens the baby is being deprived of oxygen and nutrients. This can cause later neurological problems in the baby, or death (20–40% depending how badly it was separated.) But that’s not all, the mom can lose so much blood she goes in to shock, and if it’s not treated (by cesarean, and sometimes hysterectomy) she too could die.

My dad was at work. My grandmother who was staying there to help out started to freak out, and my mother had to drive herself to the hospital which is a good 50 minute drive away. Incidentally, she hit a deer on the way there (which had my grandmother been driving, she most likely would have swerved and wrecked the car), but my mom plowed right through it and kept driving.

Because she had to drive herself, forced to sit up, this just happened to create a tampanode (or so the doctor believes). Because when she got to the hospital, her bleeding had stopped until she laid back down. They had thought, maybe they could proceed with a vaginal delivery. Nope, it gushed right back out again.

They rushed her back for emergency surgery, putting her under general anesthesia (no time for a spinal). When they opened her up, they found that the placenta was torn from the uterus by 45%.

Yet I was alive. She was alive. She had lost a severe amount of blood. She still had her uterus. The doctor wanted to wait to see how she would do before giving a blood transfusion. During this time (the 80’s), AIDS was on the scene and he didn’t trust the blood supply. She should have had a blood transfusion. She was weak, but she pulled through.

My mother didn’t meet me until 8 hours later.

I believe that despite my dad’s choices, God had a plan for me to be born. I believe that God protected my mother, and I in what could have been a VERY dangerous, life threatening situation.

This is just one reason, why I have faith in God.

A letter to my dearest,

2011-04-30T08:00:00.000-04:00

On the day of our Wedding Anniversary

6 years baby!

When we met that night, I wasn't looking for you. Or at least I didn't know I was. You never imagine you will meet your future husband at a pretty random concert, but there you were, waiting for me. Your sparkling brown eyes and genuine smile drew me in and, little did I know, that I would never want to leave your side again. As I’ve told many others, how could I *not* love your pink Mohawk and your kilt. I knew you were different.

We had many adventures during our younger, carefree and childless days. We’ve survived our very hard, difficult first couple of years. And we continue to survive deployments, although I think the numerous underways are the hardest parts.

You are fun, funny, intelligent, and you wish for my happiness. You don’t compete with me and you are so self assured that you give me all the space to be who I am -- a loud, independent, opinionated woman.

Thank you for being the best friend, partner in crime, husband, lover, fixer of things, make me smile when I'm pissy, super daddy and teammate a girl could ever ask for. You always make me smile and without you I'd be very different. You have changed me in so many ways. You made me want to wake up in the morning to see what life was going to throw at me each and every day.

You are my heart, my life, my soul mate. You are unique and beautiful. And you are mine. You are the one who made me a Mother. You are also the one who still leaves his clothes on the floor. (Just keeping it real). I want to say thank you for bringing such joy and laughter to my days.

You see my dear husband, I love you with every breath of my being. This I am certain of because I know I’ve put your love to the test almost every single day with my crazy emo moments, my antics, my weird ideas, and my “interesting” outlook on life. Yet look how far we’ve come. I’m sure you wouldn't have it any other way right?

Let me tell you that I love you today much more than I loved you even then. I am thankful for having you in my life. Despite our struggles, you have made me happy.

You have given me my beautiful children. I know because of your work you can’t be home to take care of them the way you want to. But you love on them in the way you can. You are so patient with them, as I know only you can be. You take the time to be with them. Playing with them on the floor. I can’t imagine them having a better father than you.

Happy Anniversary

Always,

Your Sweets

Finding humor in what we can.

2011-04-29T14:46:00.001-04:00

My dad has early Alzheimer's. He’ll be 65 come this July. If you asked my mom she’d say it’s just Mild Cognitive Impairment.. but my siblings and I all feel it’s now moved beyond that.

It’s very stressful for my mom at home. She has my grandmother living there, who has a form of blood cancer, and my dad to also take care of. So we find humor in the areas that we can.

Like the things my dad says and does.

A while back my mom had taken my niece out onto their property to teach her gun safety. My dad calls me and says, “Well, did your mom call you?”

“No,” I respond, “Why? What happened?” Because, when he starts off like that, something has inevitably happened.

“Well” he says, "She was out shooting the gun.” oh. GOD. I think… oh my God. “She took (your niece) down to show her how to shoot it….” And he pauses. He always pauses. He can’t just come right out with it. Which makes it all sound MUCH worse than it actually is.

“What happened dad????”

“Well,” he says again “everything is fine. She’s not hurt bad,” OH GOOD LORD IN HEAVEN! “When she fired it, her skin got pinched and she got a gash on her hand.

In actuality, it wasn’t a gash but she went in for stitches anyway. You can’t even tell where the scar is now. But it was just the entire conversation that made me want to go insane. Had he just come on out with it, “Hey honey, mom got a cut on her hand while firing the gun. It’s not bad at all, but I thought I’d let you know.” Of course, then we wouldn’t have something to laugh about later. He never used to be like this, so now we can’t help but laugh.

Another thing we giggle at Dad for is a phrase he uses ALL the time.

“Well the thing of it is…YOU DON’T KNOW!”

So for instance, in regards to say… politics. He’s very focused on politics, which he used to have only a slight “eh” interest in before. It’s incredibly heightened now.

“Obama will take our guns!!!”

“Oh dad. I don’t think it will be like that… “ “BUT YOU DON’T KNOW!!!! He’ll sign something, and the thing of it is… he could do it and they’ll know who has guns because they’re registered. Then all the criminals will have guns. He’s not going to get my guns!”

Okay, well that just makes my dad sound crazy. He’s not crazy I promise. But he is suffering a disease. It’s so unfair, but life can be that way.

So for now, until my Lord takes my daddy home… we’ll find the humor where we can. I kind of want to make a t-shirt for all us kids.

Burial of Christ

2011-04-25T15:33:00.001-04:00

Long time no update! I know!

I saw on the history channel the other day a show that talked about the death and burial of Jesus. There was a lot of interesting information.

It talked about Jewish laws and customs. That because it was the Sabbath they weren’t allowed to touch, wash, or even let their shadow cast over Christ’s body. They weren’t allowed to mourn him even. Normally the full force of mourning lasts for days. Israel mourned the death of Aaron for thirty days (Num. 20:29), and Job sits with his comforters for seven days and seven nights (Job 2:12-13). Mary and Martha are said to have been mourning their brother Lazarus for four days before Jesus arrives (John 11:17-19). They wash the body and clean it with incenses. But that wasn’t allowed for Jesus. Had it not been for Joseph of Arimathia, he wouldn’t have even had a tomb. The Romans would have just cast him aside for the dogs to eat, or let him hang on the cross for the birds to consume.

The very fact that he’d been crucified he wasn’t “allowed” to be buried with his family. Being buried alone in a “new tomb” (Matt 27:60; Luke 23:3; John 19:43) was actually looked upon as disgraceful. Separating him from the people of Israel. The body of Jesus was disposed of in shame and dishonor. A Second Burial is allowed though, a year (or more?) after their death. But we know that didn’t happen for Jesus. =)

Jesus died, and no one sat grieving. A few women merely note the location of the tomb, and later visit it after the Sabbath. They go there, however, not to mourn, but to anoint the body or "to see the tomb."

I like what Byron R. McCane has to say:

On the basis of the evidence, then, the following scenario emerges as a likely course of events for the deposition of Jesus' body: late on the day of his death, one or more of the Jewish leaders in Jerusalem--later personified by Christian tradition as Joseph of Arimathea--requested custody of the body for purposes of dishonorable burial. These leaders, having collaborated with the Romans in the condemnation of Jesus, had both the means and the motive to bury him in shame: means, in their access to Pilate, and motive, in Jewish law and custom. Pilate did not hesitate to grant dishonorable burial to one of their condemned criminals. Only the most rudimentary burial preparations were administered--the body was wrapped and taken directly to the tomb, without a funeral procession, eulogies, or the deposition of any personal effects. By sunset on the day of his death, the body of Jesus lay within a burial cave reserved for criminals condemned by Jewish courts. No one mourned.

I share this because it all struck a cord with me. He died on the cross for us. He was so dirty with our sins that God could not even look at him. It says in Hab. 1:13 that God is too pure to look upon evil. He turned his back. Christ was the final sacrifice. 2 Cor. 5:21 says, "He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." Then to continue the utmost shame he took on for us, he was buried shamefully in a grave for criminals. Completely dishonored.

It just says so much. Just like when Pilot was asking who they would have released, Jesus or the murderer Barrabas. The people screamed for Christ’s blood saying “Let his blood be on us, and our children and our Children’s children.” They had no idea that by screaming for his blood they were fulfilling the purpose. Christ’s blood to cover us, to cover our sins and make us like new. One thing is for sure. We have no capacity to appreciate the utterly horrific experience of having the sins of the world put upon the Lord Jesus as He hung, in excruciating pain, from that cross. The physical pain was immense. The spiritual one must have been even greater.

The most important part of course is the fact that he is no longer in that tomb. HE IS RISEN. He no longer lays in a shameful grave. Amen to that. Thank you Jesus for the sacrifice you’ve made for me.

A further comment:

Jesus quoted Psalm 22:1 which begins with, "My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?". Jesus quoted this Psalm in order to draw attention to it and the fact that He was fulfilling it there on the cross. Consider verses 11-18 in Psalm 22:

Be not far from me, for trouble is near; For there is none to help.12 Many bulls have surrounded me; Strong bulls of Bashan have encircled me. 13 They open wide their mouth at me, As a ravening and a roaring lion. 14 I am poured out like water, And all my bones are out of joint; My heart is like wax; It is melted within me. 15 My strength is dried up like a potsherd, And my tongue cleaves to my jaws; And Thou dost lay me in the dust of death. 16 For dogs have surrounded me; A band of evildoers has encompassed me; They pierced my hands and my feet. 17 I can count all my bones. They look, they stare at me; 18 They divide my garments among them, And for my clothing they cast lots.

The term 'dogs' was used by the Jews to refer to Gentiles (cf. Matt. 15:21-28). His heart has melted within Him (v. 14). During the crucifixion process, the blood loss causes the heart to beat harder and harder and become extremely fatigued. Dehydration occurs (v. 15). Verses 16b-18 speak of piercing His hands and feet and dividing his clothing by casting lots. This is exactly what happen as described in Matt. 27:35.

Psalm 22 was written about 600 years before Christ was born. Crucifixion had not yet been invented! Actually, (according to google) the Phoenicians developed it and Rome borrowed the agonizing means of execution from them. So, when Rome ruled over Israel, it became the Roman means of capital punishment imposed upon the Jews whose biblical means of execution was stoning. Nevertheless, Jesus is pointing to the scriptures to substantiate His messianic mission. Amen!

What is Conscious Parenting?

2011-04-07T10:20:00.000-04:00

"Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you."
~ William Arthur Ward

I’ve joined the month long blogging theme of the Conscious Family! Cole from Bellies and Babies Blog is a childbirth educator, midwife’s apprentice and doula. Tune in to her blog for the month of April to read the slew of posts that are sure to educate and inspire you to be the best parent you can be.

Here’s my contribution!

As parents, most of us tend to parent our children the way we were raised, or we choose the opposite path, with similarly questionable outcomes. “I was spanked, so I will NEVER spank.” or “I was never disciplined and we ran wild. I will definitely teach my kids the fear of God.”

These unconscious patterns are ingrained in our psyches, and are part of who we are. Yet at some point, most of us wonder if there might be a better or different approach we could take?

My mother has more than once told me the story of how she was raised. Her mother, my grandmother, was brought up in a time when children were to be seen and not heard. Therefor she raised her kids very much the same way. She yelled, a lot. If you looked at her parenting, you may feel it was borderline abusive. My grandmother and I didn’t get along when I was younger. After my grandfather died she moved in with us, and I grew to hate her. We had this relationship until I grew up and learned that I may not like her, but I can ignore the negativity. That I could love her despite her bitchiness. I chose to look past it all and just love. Not only that though, I tried my best to protect my niece and nephew from her harsh parenting ideals. I noticed that she yelled at and was more “abusive” to my niece than my nephew, although I’m not exactly sure why. It was the same with us girls compared to my brother.

When my mother had us kids, at first she yelled as well. Anyone who knows her now would be shocked to know that she would become so bloody frustrated that she would save babyfood jars. That way at any moment she could take them out to the trashcan and forcefully throw them in, in order to shatter their very existence and help relieve the blood boiling feelings.

At some point, she took a good, long, hard look at herself and didn’t like what she saw. She wanted to be different. She wanted to be a better mother than the one she had. She didn’t want to yell, and continue down the path that her parents taught her (by example).

Conscious Parenting. It’s not a new concept really. In fact I’d rather like to think it’s very close to Child Led Parenting. Where you listen to the individual child’s needs in order to parent them in the way that would be beneficial for them. But the “new name” for it is making the rounds. It is based in the belief that our children are our future and as such, they are the most valuable resource we have. As parents, we have always been the most important influence in our children’s lives~ and know them better than anyone else. Therefore it is the parent who has the ability to influence and empower their children to become all that they can be. I believe that there is no job that is more important or that offers more challenges, or rewards than being a parent. We are the real expert on our children and we all want to be the best parent we can be. When you become a conscious parent you open up your child’s access to their potential to become an amazing adult.

Conscious parenting is about giving up the old paradigm of power and control over our children. Instead we get to guide them, become a resource for them, and enchant them with wonderful ideas and the skills and ability to change this world. Conscious parenting calls for parents to pay attention to their children and, more importantly to their own thoughts and behaviors. It's important to understand our own needs and personal hurts in order to avoid repeating painful patterns from our past. Especially when frustration levels are high, we tend to fall into old, familiar patterns of behavior. The idea is to limit the damage we pass on to our children so that they grow into healthy and balanced people.

Conscious parenting is all about being awake and aware to what's going on with your child now and deal with that situation or feeling.

Parents need to pay particular attention to the words we use, as well as our expectations when dealing with our children. According to Michael Grayson Conner, child psychologist, here is what children need:

Children need examples and simple instructions. They need you to show them what you want and how to do it.
Children need to practice. It is best to have simple goals with only a few steps. Tasks that are complex should be broken down into smaller takes. As a general rule, complex activities need to be practiced about 60 times before it becomes natural.
Children need supervision and guidance when they are learning new tasks. The idea is to keep students on task, correct mistakes, help when they are stuck, allow them to struggle, and to avoid discouraging failures.
Children need lots of encouragement and praise for their initiative, creativity and effort. They need to learn that persistence in the face of failure and discouragement can lead to success.
Children need opportunities to do things on their own while someone periodically monitors their behavior.

When we practice conscious parenting we are actively engaged in meeting these needs. We are paying attention to what the child needs right now. Conner provides a great example of an interaction between a child who's been asked to clean her room and a parent who just wants it done.

Parents unwittingly pass on the inheritance of psychological pain and emotional shallowness. To handle the behavior that results, traditional books on parenting abound with clever techniques for control and quick fixes for dysfunction. I’ve said it before, in parenting there are NO QUICK FIXES!

I’ve recently discovered a fabulous book by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children In Dr. Shefali Tsabary's conscious approach to parenting, children serve as mirrors of their parents' forgotten self. Those willing to look in the mirror have an opportunity to establish a relationship with their own inner state of wholeness. Once they find their way back to their “essence”, parents enter into communion with their children, shifting away from the traditional parent-to-child "know it all" approach and more towards a mutual parent-with-child relationship. They are enlightened to themselves and that a relationship with their child shouldn't be entirely talking down to them.

It can sound like a lot of woo to read my above description, but behind the “new age” language it’s asking parents to basically take a look at themselves. Why are we parenting the way the currently are? Why are we perpetuating the “control” over our kids in the way we are, example being things like sleep training the Ferber way (where it’s suggested that children are just manipulating us).

It suggests to parent mindfully. It inspires parents to set examples for children by embracing imperfections, and staying open-hearted, open-minded, and truly present and engaged. If all families adopted just some of the ideas from this book, it seems clear that the world would be a much better place.

Has anyone noticed that they parent their children better when other adults are around than when they’re alone with their kids. Or noticed that they treat other people’s children gentler than their own? Why this disconnect?? Why this difference in behavior?

I’ve written before about a mommy play date I had before leaving Connecticut. “M” is a beautiful parent, and I never not once saw her children whine and cry while we visited with her. If they were frustrated they would come to her upset and she would speak frankly with them. Figuring out why they were upset and ways to help them in their time of need. To an outsider her house may seem a little chaotic, after all she has 5 kids. But after spending time with her family I figured out just how well behaved her kids actually are. She spoke to them in a way they understood, listened to them and communicated in such an excellent way that in return her children were incredibly independent but respectful little boogers. If they got into something off limits, like all children do, there was no yelling, no screaming, no threats. There was calm talking and explaining why it was not allowed. It was a beautiful example to me of conscious parenting. Did she get frustrated? Oh I’m sure! Does it mean a perfect home that resembles a Martha Stuart catalog? Absolutely not. She, like my own mother, is a mother that I would like to emulate. Conscious parenting is something that I very much enjoy doing for our little family. There are days where it is a choice I make because I could very easily be tempted to yell. I am a woman, I do have hormonal moments where I want to hide in the bath all day. I try to make the conscious choice to parent my children gently.

Likewise, my own mother (when my siblings were very young) decided to change. It wasn’t necessarily easy, but she chose to be a mother her children deserved. She chose to listen to us on our level, became less of a controlling, yelling parent. I thank my mother for making this choice. I have always known her to be a calm and loving parent. She taught me to have a voice. She taught me to love. She taught me to embrace life, both fantasy and reality alike. She tried to teach me to be disciplined, but I think I’m kind of a hippie at heart. lol I’m learning, always learning.

Thank you mom and dad for being conscious parents.

Maybe conscious parenting is the philosophy that speaks to you and helps you be the best parent you can be. Let's all be more conscious in our parenting, more aware of how we're perceiving and appraising our children, as well as noticing our behavior and what's behind it. Using gentle discipline. Raising peaceful little people is not a bad thing.

Random facts about me:

2011-03-27T22:26:00.001-04:00

DO YOU SNORE?:
Not to my knowledge?

LOVER OR A FIGHTER?:
A little bit of both.

WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?:
Losing my husband/kids.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY TV"?:
It's fun to watch when you are bored. But don’t get me started on the “baby” shows. ugh.

DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?:
Yes.

WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?:
Well, I think so.

DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?:
Absolutely, and everywhere else

HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?:
No

ANY SECRET TALENTS?:
I can triple curl my tongue. Not sure you’d call that a talent though.

WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?:
Exotic beach bungalow, with a HUGE tub.

HAVE YOU EATEN SUSHI?:
Yes. It’s disgusting.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?:
Yes <3

DO YOU GIVE A DARN ABOUT THE OZONE?:
I do, but it's not something that I think about all the time.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?:
Who hasn’t?

ARE SPEEDO'S HOT?:
On the right person..

WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?:
I’ve been.

IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?:
I’d say yes.. yes it is.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?:
I suppose.

WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?:
Mold, cedar pollen, penicillin, and sulfa.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU":
A few minutes ago to my babies.

IS TUPAC STILL ALIVE?:
Do I care?

DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?:
Yes.

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?:
Farm raised, cage free, vegetarian fed, brown… OH. in an omelet, scrambled, hard boiled, over easy, on a steak… I’ll pretty much eat them any way you cook them.

DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?:
Chic

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?:
Yesterday.

DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?:
To get clean I shower, but I love baths when I want relax/pretend I'm a mermaid.

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?:
Not really.

CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?:
Creamy

HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?:
Yessir

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?:
1

IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?:
If your aim is to keep your brain cells, and live healthy. If not, have at it.

ARE YOU WEARING SOCKS?:
I hate putting things on my feet.

HAVE YOU EVER HITCH HIKED?:
no. wait, yes. once when my car broke down. That was scary, and it was a chick who picked me up.

WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?:
Blue

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
An hour or two ago, watching a commercial.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?:
Absolutely. Now ask me that when I’m hormonal

HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?:
Yes

DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?:
In the past, but not in a very long time.

CAN YOU SKATEBOARD?:
No

DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?:
I LOVE camping.

DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH?:
Sometimes, mostly I hold my breath.

CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?:
On a good day.

DOES YOUR MOM KNOW YOU HAVE A MYSPACE?:
I don’t have one.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?:
Food the kids didn’t eat. lol

DO YOU WEAR NAILPOLISH?:
I love nail polish

DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?:
Why yes, yes I do.

DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?:
Errr no

Breakdown of Birth

2011-03-24T14:49:00.002-04:00

Via: Ultrasound Technician

The Family Bed

2011-03-17T12:41:00.001-04:00

Last night I had a meltdown.

I stupidly went to bed at 1am. Lovey and I had been up snacking and playing video games. He’s on leave and we so rarely get this chance to be together and have fun.

Well we fell asleep and shortly after Baby Girl woke up. So I brought her to our bed. Then War boy woke up. Then my eldest joined our bed. Pretty soon, I had NO room to sleep, and was cramping up because Lovey was hogging a good portion too. Then Baby Girl was crying crying crying, pinching, pulling my hair and just all around fussy. Finally around 5am I blew up. I kicked the sheets off rapid animal style, shoved Baby Girl in her swing (where she fell asleep easily), carried my eldest back to his bed. He woke up and started crying as I put him down because the family bed is a comforting place to be. So I explained how the bed was so small and when Daddy left on the boat again, then he could sleep with me again. That satisfied his need for an explanation and we snuggled till he fell back asleep.

I had NO sleep last night. I’m exhausted.

Most would say that our problem lies with the kids being in our bed. Actually, nights like these are a complete rarity. Well, except for her pinching and pulling my hair. That generally happens on the nights that she’s teething, otherwise she sleeps great.

All the kids start off in their own beds, then join us as they wake. Which could be anywhere from 4am to 7-8am. Most times it’s 8am when they come bounding in to let me know they’re awake.

No, what I need here is a friggen bigger bed. Because let’s just face the reality, we’re probably not done having kids.

As they grow older they’ll sleep longer in their own beds. They’re only young for so long. And while I may lose some sleep now, I won’t in the future.

Hell, there’s always coffee – I can sleep when I’m dead.

Susanne says:

2011-03-09T16:15:00.000-05:00

From comments sections of other bloggers.

"Why are they encouraging women to judge themselves by whether a baby passed through their vagina?"

Because they're apparently losers. It's as simple as that. I cannot think of a single intelligent women IRL who defines herself that way, who is so wrapped up in a bodily function, who cares more about how the baby comes out than that it gets here safely.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Violence in baby care"?
I'm afraid to ask - at what hospitals in this country are babies being held at gunpoint, or something?

Or are you just one of the sobby-wobby emotional types when it comes to the Wittle Baybees?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"No woman should homebirth thinking that she is 100% going to have a perfect baby. Most women who homebirth understand that there is a risk of injury or death and accept that risk when weighed against the other benefits of homebirth."

ROFL. What other benefits? The wallpaper is to your liking? You don't have to actually interact with other people who weren't specifically hand-chosen by you?... But hey, go on thinking you are Immune From Bad Things Happening because you're special, because untoward birth events only happen to Women Who Have Been Marked Upfront. Go ask Birdie's Mama how that worked out for her. Go ask the women on the preeclampsia forum how that worked out for them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Susanne. I've found from reading your posts more and more how uncontrollably rude you are. I find it repulsive, and while you probably will never read this or care even if you did.

So your c-section was a walk in the park. For an OB's wife, I would honestly expect as much. For many other women, it's not... and to refuse to believe so, and talk down to other women because they're emotionally scarred from it, is appalling. Yes I know what your stance is, and what direction you're coming from with respects to c-sections, breastfeeding, newborn care and such. Yet you still treat those commenting on the posts like dirt. Yay. Go you. How very adult. Make you feel better about yourself? Not saying your side of the fence is wrong, you hold whatever position you will on the topic.

Whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, the "light" that OB's are portrayed in is for a reason. Do you think women just up and decided "Hey let's not like doctors. Let's advocate for no episiotomies and encourage VBACS just for the fricken hell of it!!"

No.
The women I've spoken with in general are tired. Tired of being treated like incubators, and tired of being incised with a scalpel for no medical reason. YES OB's and some Midwives do things for the purpose of their own schedule. If it didn't happen, it wouldn't be a problem, and people wouldn't be complaining or scared.

Like I recently heard someone tell my sister..."You wouldn't be here, if your problem wasn't so big it couldn't be ignored any more." (That's paraphrasing, I'd rather not go into her "problem")

That's where the US is today. The problem is SO BIG we can't ignore it any more. So women are wanting differently.

Quit bringing up Erin in discussion as your "shining example" of when things go wrong. Frankly, it's disgusting and you have no right.

In short. Your comments are the train wreck I can't ignore anymore.

/end rant

-Isms

2011-03-08T23:17:00.001-05:00

My eldest has been cracking us up lately with the things he’s been saying.

Examples:

My Lovey saw that he’d written on our wall with green crayola. Didn’t just write on the wall, but wrote his NAME on the wall. He asks him about it and my eldest says “I didn’t write on the walls…….That’s just my name….” lol

I love it. I love this stage. Lovey would say “You love every stage!” Which is true. I do.

Last night we overheard the boys playing together. My eldest says, “It’s my turn because I’M OLDER!” They’ve been really focused lately on who is older, what age they are, what object is bigger/larger/or medium. lol

My eldest has also begun sight reading. Which also seems to confirm my suspicions that he has a photographic memory. He taught himself his ABC’s at 18 mo. I would watch him and, he still does this, he would match up what the letter looked like. It was/is pretty amazing. So now as we go on errands around town, he points out words on signs that he recognizes. It just blows me away. To further promote the reading, I encourage him to sound out words since he knows the sounds letters make. Then I overhear him “teaching” it to my little War boy who seems to be more willing/able to learn from big brother than he would for me. If it works for him, then it works for me. =)

Baby girl is getting so big. I feel like any day now she’s going to start walking and I just can’t wait for that. I swear she can keep up with those boys no problem. It’s amazing, she just yells at them if they get in her face. They love to try and “help” her walk, with each of them holding a hand. I let them do this to a point, once she yells at them I let them know that is her signal for having had enough of it.

She’s such a smart little kiddo. She seems to always do things with a purpose or a reason behind it. Even if that reason eludes me.

I’ve joined a gym to start my walk training for the 60 mile Walk for the Cure coming up in Sept. I’m so excited to do this not only to raise money but to get my butt in shape. I’ve set my mind to do this, I know I can do this, but at the same time it seems like a daunting task as well.

But I’ve joined a gym, and paying money motivates me. I can easily decide not to walk around a track if it’s raining out. But I can’t justify blowing money away each month, for the membership and babysitting they offer when I can easily drive 5 minutes down the road and walk while watching the provided TV’s. This gym is LUSH to say the least, and yet so affordable. So I really lucked out.

I’m excited to do this for me. I know I’m really out of shape from having the babies back to back. I worked out after having my eldest. Lost 20lbs in two short months (back to my pre-marital weight!) then got pregnant. DOH! I was pretty happy with my weight after having my middle child. He was a “bigger” baby and sucked all the fat off me during my pregnancy. I seriously did not gain any fat and lost 20lbs just from having him! The other 15 came off soon after.

But my baby girl. I lost some of the baby weight but the rest has been a BITCH to get off. It just won’t leave! Breastfeeding helped with water weight and to slim me down a little, but no weight loss. My hips are back to normal width (no more wide birthin’ hips) so I can fit into a size 8, but I have GOT to slim down my stomach and thighs. It drives me nuts. I have the “pooch” from having my middle son, and him stretching my belly skin. So I know that will probably never go away, but losing 20lbs will certainly help.

So in addition to my walking, I’m eating healthier (if I can really even say the “er” part since we’ve been eating fairly healthy to begin with..) and I’m doing some p90x during the week as well. I don’t want to OVER do things, but I’m pretty motivated.

Can I just say that workout clothes make me feel SEXY. Black spandex, a nice pushup/sports bra underneath a nice work out top and who knew? I came home from working out and Lovey got pretty excited. I told him I was at LEAST going to shower first because, ew.

If you haven’t donated already for the Walk for the Cure, please do so! Help my team reach 4600! Speaking of which, that amount might be upped. I may have two new members joining! I sure hope so.

Dear Rev. Phelps

2011-03-02T12:19:00.001-05:00

And the Westboro baptist church.

Where is your compassion? Christ has compassion for all peoples, for we are all sinful. My sin, your sin, is not any less than the people and soldiers you rant against. As a devote Christian, and I do love Jesus, your tactics are disgusting.

“You’re Going to Hell” – Who’s to say you’re not too? You will certainly still be judged. My prayer is that you truly love Jesus and have sadly been led astray by a false prophet.

God dealt with all our sin at the cross. If God used natural disasters to judge cities, that would be like saying that the cross was an insufficient remedy for sin. Sin is destructive, but it won’t lead to a holy smiting. God is done with sin (1 Pe 4:1). The punishment that brought us peace was upon Him (Is 53:5). The only sin that’ll send you to hell is unbelief in the goodness of God as revealed in Jesus and His work on the cross (Jn 16:8-9).

“He had it coming and deserved to get whacked!” Maybe he did, but God does not treat us as our sins deserve (Ps 103:10).

The truth is we all have it coming, yet God gave His Son as the ultimate sin offering for the whole world. Through Christ He has reconciled the world to Himself and is no longer counting our sins against us (2 Cor 5:19). So why are you?

If God was counting our sin, it would be bad news indeed for it would mean that the cross was not the perfect remedy for sin that the Bible says it is (Heb 10:12) Yet you stand there and judge. You stand there at a funeral with grieving family and friends, and you shout your false “christian” rhetoric, and you are giving other Jesus loving Christians a horrible, horrible image. Men are appointed to face judgment after they die, not before (Heb 9:27)

You are no better than the soldiers in the graves. God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34). He has no more reason to strike them than He has to strike you. The fact that you’re still breathing despite all you’ve done is testimony to the grace of a good God. You are just one of six billion living witnesses of God’s mercy and grace. The grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, including you. I don’t deserve grace any more than you do, but here we are.

“God hates the USA” - To interpret the heart of the Father we only need to look at the Son (Jn 14:9).

Jesus met plenty of people who were proud like you. Some were so full of themselves that they warranted sober warnings: “Woe to you – how will you escape being condemned to hell?” (Mt 23). Yet every sinner that Jesus confronted walked away with the opportunity to repent. Jesus smote none of them and He died for all of them. For all of us.

I know that this simple blog post won’t change a single thing you’re doing, I’m sure the devil is reveling in your fun times picketing.

My prayer is for the people whose hearts you’ve hurt. My prayer is that they will know God’s true heart, and not the one you’ve portrayed for Him. I wouldn’t want to love that God either, but I know Him better than that.

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

In all our sinful Nature, God loves us. Wants a relationship with us. Sacrificed his only son, for us. What a wonderful truth!!! The verse doesn't say that the great heart of God only loves Christians or religious people. The verse doesn't say that God only loves righteous people or churchgoers. The verse doesn't say that God only loves Bible-thumpers. The Word of God is clear that God loves “the world” (and that includes everyone). No matter who you are.

Ephesians 2:4-8

But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus. God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.

3 days to find a cure, I can do that.

2011-03-01T16:39:00.001-05:00

This year, I'll be participating in a very special event called the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure^®.

My team will walk 60 miles over the course of three days with thousands of other women and men. Net proceeds from the 3-Day for the Cure are invested in community-based breast health programs and breast cancer research. The research funded focuses on decreasing breast cancer incidence and mortality in the next decade.

I've agreed to raise at least $2,300 in donations. So far my team would like to raise $4600!So I need your help. Would you please consider making a donation? Keep in mind how far I'm walking - and how hard I'll have to train. You can donate online at The3Day.org Just click on Donate and search for my personal fundraising page. Or click on the widget in my sidebar as well. You can also call 800-996-3DAY to donate over the phone.

My family has been blessed, we’ve haven’t dealt with breast cancer. But we do know the ravaging affects of Luekemia and Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.

Without a cure, one person will die of breast cancer every 13 minutes in the United States. That's why I'm walking so far. To do something bold about breast cancer. I hope that you'll share this incredible adventure with me - by supporting me in my fundraising efforts.

Thank you in advance for your support!

Ask your employer if they will double your donation through a matching gift program!

More than an unnecesarean…

2011-02-25T00:23:00.001-05:00

(Warning: Triggers)

How would you feel if you received an unnecessary surgery? Not just that, but one that was completely against your will? You were drugged, put to sleep as you were telling them repeatedly that you did not Consent, then given a surgery you didn’t want – afterwards your doctors ignored you/refused to see you because they knew what they did was wrong.

A mother on the BabyCenter forums shared her birth story. (parenthesis is my own words)

After switching doctors several times during the course of my pregnancy, at the time I delivered I was under the care of an OB & Midwives group. I was told that I was a good candidate for VBAC, was offered water-birth if things went well, and believed that I was in the best possible circumstances to avoid surgery & any un-needed medical intervention. (also called a bait and switch)

I went to the hospital in labor on Jan 30th. I arrived at the hospital dialated to 4. An hour & a half later, my water had broken on it's own and I was dialated to 6.

Since I was laboring on a birthing ball, the midwife wasn't confident about the fetal heartrate monitor, it was showing decels, so I was asked to consent to an internal monitor (screws into the baby's scalp during labor). I refused the first time I was asked, then consented the second time they asked. I consented because I thought my husband was beginning to panic and hoped that it would ease his stress. When I consented to it, I looked at my husband & said "That is medical intervention #1".

Before the monitor was even plugged in, we were told that we were going to be moved to the OR "just in case" while being monitored more closely. The midwife had called an OB to consult & we expected to meet him in the OR.

On the way to the OR, my husband was sent to a dressing area to change into scrubs & I was sent straight into the OR. My husband & I were seperated.

As soon as I reached the OR, the staff began prepping me for surgery. I stated that I did NOT want a c-section. I demanded to see my husband and stated that IF I was to receive a c-section my DH & I would make that decision together. I was told that my husband was on his way. I was also told that my baby needed more oxygen & I was told to breathe deeply in a new mask because it had a better seal on my face (the oxygen I was breathing before was thru a smaller mask). The new mask wasn't oxygen, I was gassed against my will. I am unaware of what was done to me from the time I was gassed up until I awoke in recovery. I am assuming that I only had a c-section. Any further details have not been shared with me.

When my husband exited the dressing area & went to go to the OR, he was told that he couldn't go in because I was already being anesthetized for surgery. He was not asked to consent on my behalf. He was not told that I had refused consent. He was not told that I had requested his presence. He was not told WHY I was having surgery.

I found out that my son had been born, and that I had been operated on, when I woke up in recovery. No medical professional came to me and spoke to me about my surgery. I have never been told WHY I required a c-section. I only know the name of the delivering physician because it's on my son's birth certificate. I never met him. He never came to talk to me before or after surgery. I also never saw the midwife again after I was wheeled into the OR.

2 days after surgery, my wound 'opened' and bled enough to detatch the Tegaderm on one side. A midwife was stopping in to check me & informed me of the bleeding (it had just happened as she came in). She removed the Tegaderm completely & taped an absorbant bandage to my stomach. I was told that I would be given bandages & supplies needed to keep the wound bandaged at home.

My discharge paperwork doesn't include any information pertaining to surgery or wound care. It doesn't even mention that I had surgery. I was given no verbal would care instructions. I was given no supplies for would care at home. My son & I left the hospital about 46 hours after delivery.

The bleeding from my wound finally stopped completely after about 10 days. My wound is now "knotty" with a few stitches exposed on the right end.

I'm waiting to receive copies of my operative notes, so I can figure out what happened to me and how to live with it.

I'm having an extremely hard time coming to grips with having been lied to and operated on against my will. I love my son, but I did not give birth to him. I was not present at his birth. That moment in my life has been taken from me. I had a birth plan. It included my desire to bathe my son myself for his first bath. A nurse bathed him while I was knocked out. My birth plan included my desire to hold my son immediately upon birth. God knows how many medical professionals held my son before I did. I've seen pictures of the first time I held him. I do not remember it. I don't know if I'll ever again be capable of trusting a medical professional to respect me as a whole person, instead of just a slab of meat ready for their whim. I thought that it was required of medical professionals to obtain informed consent whenever possible prior to performing surgery.

-- DawnLuehrs

My heart goes out to Dawn. Sadly, I’m not confident that if she did take them to court that she would win. There’s a “healthy” mom and healthy baby… what better outcome could there be. =(

My baby is THREE!

2011-02-23T14:08:00.001-05:00

I remember the night before Willem was born I was really irritated that my Lovey had fallen asleep with our eldest and didn’t want to DTD, even though we’d been teasing each other all day. It was completely mean and I was really wanting it. lol

Then I wake up at 5 am with contractions thinking "Damn IT! It happened again.”

With both my sons, I had wanted to DTD the night before, got shot down and then went into my birthing time the next day. Only to not get sex for 6 weeks. Ah well, enough about me.

My little WAR boy is THREE years old now. Suddenly he has an interest in the alphabet, numbers, and every other learning thing out there. But you almost have to feign interest in it, in order for him to sit down and do it. He wants to do it all by himself, but don’t even think about helping him or he’ll completely shut down and not want to do it. This means just even reading the instructions on the piece of paper. lmao

So I just act like I’m not interested in what he’s doing and wait for him to ask for help. Which he usually will sooner or later. God I love independence,

He LOVES his little sister. He’ll sit and play with her laughing. “BAHAHAHA mom, baby said BLAH!!!!” Or any other silly little thing she does that sends him into a fit of giggles. I do have to watch him because his is a rough love. But he’s learning to be gentle with her and it’s just so lovely to see them loving on each other like this.

He loves animals too and I can easily imagine him growing up to be a Veterinarian.

He and I have had a long road. He certainly tested my parenting skillz. (and confidence) but we’ve seemed to come out the other side just fine. It’s always nice to look back and see how far we’ve come. So new moms, just remember you too will make it through whatever you’re going through.

So happy third birthday my big little boy. Thank you for making me a better mother.

I love that it’s not a big deal WHO blows out the candles. My kids don’t fight over it or get upset about having help. Makes the party so much fun. =)

I stole these pics from snapshots off our FLIP video of his b-day party. My phone wasn’t working at the time. So my big ol’ noggin is in the way. But his little smile is so precious. =)

Of course, I’ve got to share his birth video again. =) Biggest baby, easiest birth. Love it!

Valentines

2011-02-15T19:09:00.002-05:00

Valentines started out with just me and my babies. I gave the boys some “gamble chocolates.” You know, those heart shaped boxes of chocolate, where you’re not sure which flavor you’ll bite into..
They loved it. It was a really special treat. I tell them EVERY day that I love them. My parents made sure to always get us kids something special for V-day, I’d like to continue that. My dad once tracked my sister and I down at lunch and walked in with flowers for us. We broke down in tears.
We waited for Daddy to come home from work. I had made some beef curry and rice as something special for him, then teased him with texts about it in the hopes he’d rush home. lol
He walked in with a box of heart chocolates for me, and had written on it:

Which in case you can’t read it says “Because Flowers Die”

I laughed so hard reading that. It wasn’t an excuse of why he didn’t get flowers, but rather a joke referring to one of our favorite comedians.
Comedian Demetri Martin jokes about flowers saying,

“I don’t think you should give flowers to people you love, cause that’s like saying ‘here, watch these die’. I think you should give them to people you don’t like and say ‘here, you’re next. so you better put your feet in water cause I’m coming after you.’”

We had just listened to him the other day so it was still fresh in our minds.
I had picked out some goodies for him/us (wink wink) back in January, and had those waiting for him on his computer desk. I think he was surprised since he’s had the car lately.
We started getting everybody ready to head out to the church. They held a Valentine’s dinner (including FREE childcare) with entertainment to raise money for Homes for Hope. In April they’ll be traveling to Mexico to build and furnish a home for a family in need. Very exciting!
Little did we know we would be the entertainment for the evening.

Cell phone pics: Roan makes this smile too.

I laughed the entire night. The founder of the church and his wife (an elderly couple) sat at our table. He is a pretty funny guy. He asked Lovey if I was always this “joyful” and Lovey responded, “Except for when she’s yelling at me.” Lol!
After dinner they drew names of couples to play the Newlywed game. We were the second name drawn.
I was pretty scared to be up there, but the questions actually weren’t all that hard. These are the ones I remember from last night. I’m almost sure there were more, but oh well.

Questions they asked the guys that the girls had to answer:
Where was your first kiss? – At the Wiltern, in Los Angelos – I got it right
Who approached who, what was the pick up line? – He did, no pick up line – I got it right
(at this point I have to tell you what the founder of our church said as his pick up line – “Kiss me quick baby, nothing makes me puke!” lmao
What was the first movie, and who paid? – Neither of us knew, but he paid. – I got it right.
If there was one thing of his you would want to throw out and replace what would it be? – There is nothing of his I would really want to throw out. But he won’t let me replace the couches. – I got it right.

Questions they asked the girls that the guys had to answer:
If your husband were a cartoon, what would he be and why? – this one was hard, so I just picked GIR from Invader Zim. I had no reason. But Lovey got it right! His guess was either Ferb, from Phineas and Ferb or GIR. Whew!
What’s a quote your husband says often? Another hard one! So I just picked “That’s what she said!” He got it right!!
Who has the higher IQ? – I found it so lovely that each husband said something along the lines of “well, she’d say I do, but I think it’s her”. Lovey said “She’d say I do, probably because she thinks I’m autistic. LMAO That had the audience rolling! He got it right (well, my reasoning is because he’s born that way.)

By the end of the game we had people cheering for us for getting them right, which felt good. But MOSTLY, it felt good that Lovey and I do know each other well enough to guess each other’s answers. Even if they were silly. =)
Best, Valentines Ever. lol And no stress was put on him to "make it good” so he was able to relax and have fun too.

Hot Topics

2011-02-14T02:05:00.001-05:00

CIO (Crying it Out) has been a hot topic the past few weeks. Even so in my news feed, on facebook and other blogs I read. I’ll start with this:

“The burning desire to be good parents makes you vulnerable to all kinds of advice that promises you “good” children. But no one can guarantee that. Parenting advice is often a matter of opinion. There is no one way to raise every child. If there were, we would all be clones, children would all have the same temperament, and this would be a dull world. So be discerning. Remember that much of what you will hear from every other person out there is pure opinion” – Dr. Sears

Ignoring baby cries during sleep training is linked to all kinds of problems later in life — ADHD, antisocial behavior, and lower IQ. At the root of these claims is the idea that the stress of crying and the absence of a responsive parent release intense levels of chemicals that alter a child's brain development. Is there scientific evidence to back this up?

It needs to be said from the outset that I am admittedly anti-cry it out. If you feel this will trigger a heated response from you, just stop reading now and save yourself the frustration. I don’t care about Momma drama. I am open to agreeing to disagree and heck feel free to cite some studies that support your parenting view!

How you approach sleep is as personal and complex as any aspect of parenting. And, rightly so, many moms and dads use their instinct as their guide. Which can be greatly different based on how they themselves were parented.

There are parents on both sides of the CIO issue. Personally, I believe in peaceful parenting. I don’t pretend to know everything, despite those who think I do. I can’t control how people perceive me. I’ll stick with the things I’ve found in my parenting journey, the studies and a little anecdotal evidence. If I teach you only one thing about parenting, it is to consider it a long-term investment. The more you put into your parenting, the better your return will be. Lose a little sleep with your child now and sleep better when he is a teen. In other words, listen to your child early, and the child will listen to you later.

Research suggests that allowing a baby to "cry it out" causes brain damage.

The Science of Parenting (2006) by Dr. Margot Sunderland points out some of the brain damaging effects that can occur if parents fail to properly nurture a baby -- and that includes forcing them to "cry it out." Dr. Sunderland, who is the director of education and training at the Centre for Child Mental Health in London, draws upon work in neuroscience to come to her conclusions and recommendations about parenting practice.

Personally I love Dr. Sears.

This Harvard study/opinion paper

Babies do not manipulate, they communicate. That is why your baby's cry will produce especially strong reactions the mother. Blood flow to your breasts will increase, your heart rate will go up, the hormones in your system will increase, and you will have a biological urge to pick up, nurse, and comfort your baby. Women are biologically wired - and I believe God designed us this way - so you will give a nurturing response to your baby when she cries, not to restrain yourself.

It is a modern, western notion that babies should be placed in a large crib in their own room by themselves at night. It is also a western notion that babies should be somehow “trained” to put themselves to sleep and stay that way 8-10 hours. When a doctor asks if your baby is sleeping through the night, he doesn’t mean for 8 hours straight! Babies have different sleep patterns than adults. Trying to push a baby into some kind of deep sleep, or "independence” is not in the best interest of the baby, it is in the best interest of a sleep-deprived parent who wants to catch some shut-eye. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but hey – I’ve been there too.

So why the need to control? Some feel it's a habit, a manipulation, a gambit for goading parents. I don't believe this. In the early months especially, stay on the safe side. I’ve heard the boasts from proud parents. “I got mine to sleep through the night at 8 weeks!”

Consider your baby's cry a call for help of some kind and give a nurturing response according to your mothering instinct. In time you'll learn when to pick up your baby, when to put your baby down, when to give a quick response, and when to let your baby fuss a bit. Certainly, you do not have to pick up a seven-month-old baby as quickly as you do a seven-day-old baby. That is a cue-response network that you and your baby will eventually work out.

Despite the popularity of controlled crying, it is not an evidence-based practice. Professor James McKenna, director of the Mother–Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame and acclaimed SIDS expert, described controlled crying as "social ideology masquerading as science". What this means is that despite a plethora of opinions on how long you should leave your baby to cry in order to train her to sleep, nobody has studied exactly how long it is safe to leave a baby to cry, if at all. Babies who are forced to sleep alone (or cry, because many do not sleep) for hours may miss out on both adequate nutrition and sensory stimulation such as touch, which is as important as food for infant development. Leaving a baby to "cry it out" in order to enforce a strict routine when the baby may, in fact, be hungry, is similar to expecting an adult to adopt a strenuous exercise program accompanied by a reduced food intake. The result of expending energy through crying while being deprived of food is likely to be weight loss and failure to thrive. Pediatrician William Sears has claimed that "babies who are 'trained' not to express their needs may appear to be docile, compliant or "good" babies. Yet, these babies could be depressed babies who are shutting down the expression of their needs." – The Con of Crying it Out.

Responding to your baby’s cues when he cries does not spoil a child and it does not mean he will never sleep soundly on his own. In fact, a child who is comforted and nurtured will become more independent and healthy sleepers later because they know they have a dependable support system waiting for them when they wake up. Dr. Sears, world-renowned pediatrician, has done many studies on this. I would highly recommend reading about Dr. Sears and Attachment Parenting philosophy. Mothers will find it is much closer to what their natural instincts tell them.

“But it works!” I guess we need to look closer at the definition of that. An Australian baby magazine survey revealed that although 57 per cent of mothers who responded to the survey had tried controlled crying, 27 per cent reported no success, 27 per cent found it worked for one or two nights, and only 8 per cent found that controlled crying worked for longer than a week. To me, this suggests that even if harsher regimes work initially, babies are likely to start waking again as they reach new developmental stages or conversely, they may become more settled and sleep (without any intervention) as they reach appropriate developmental levels.

My experiences…

My middle child screamed. all. night. long from birth to about 8 months. I noticed the affects on me more once my husband had deployed (my son was then 4 months old). We would turn off the lights for bed and it was like a werewolf changing with the moon. By 8am he would “wake up” smiling. Happy as could be.

Before this, my eldest was such an easy baby. I was completely over confident. My next one comes along and I was shaken to my core. I was so tired I was hallucinating horrid things. My husband deployed, I ran home to my family so I could survive. We saw a pediatrician to make sure there was nothing physically wrong with him. But the end result was her snotty look and telling me “Well he’s healthy, so I guess it’s just a parenting issue.” I felt ganged up on because I was not there for her parenting advice. I was there to make sure my son was healthy. I was not about to let my child cry it out. He was already crying all night no matter WHAT I did to soothe him. Whether I nursed him or not. Whether he was in our bed, or not. My son has the stubbornness of a mule, very strong willed and I LOVE him for it. How do you get a child to sleep better without breaking his spirit?

It wasn’t until I started sleep separation with him that we started to see improvement. I didn’t know what else to do. We did this by dropping his crib down to toddler bed height, and putting on the side rails. At this point, my eldest had been in his own bed for a while. Techniques used for him were not going to work with my second.

So, I sat by his bed and gently laid him down every time he sat up. He still cried. What else was new? It did take hours for him to fall asleep, but that was a marked improvement from NOT sleeping before. I was by his side for every minute. I didn’t leave until he had gone to sleep. It took a week of this. Then once he became used to it, I moved further away from his bed, until eventually I had moved myself out of the room. Did it take forever? Sure did. When it comes to parenting there are no “quick fixes”.

Another thing comes to mind. Granted I’m sure any mother would recognize a sick child and realize that letting one cry it out at night would probably not be beneficial.

Baby girl has been sick for a few days now. She would start off in her own bed for maybe 2 hours but would wake up absolutely miserable, unable to breathe well. Her regularly voracious appetite severely decreased, and she started nursing more. She hasn’t been sleeping well at night at all. Of course that’s frustrating. Of course I’m tired. I’m taking care of two other children during the day as well. Had I ignored her cries last night however, who knows how much worse off she’d be today.

I took her to the hospital at 1am. Thankfully her lungs were clear, no pneumonia. But she had a bad case of Croup. So bad her throat was swelling, causing airway constriction and that signature “barking” cough. Her heart rate was 220, her blood oxygen level was in the high 70’s/low 80’s. It should be in the high 90’s. Her temp was 102. I’d say that’s high, considering that I DON’T generally get a fever, although I know normally they say to watch out for 105 degrees.

They gave her steroids, some more motrin (we’ve been giving her some already). Did the x-ray, tested for RSV and were pretty worried about her oxygen levels. Today though, she’s better. The steroids helped with the swelling and – she slept most of the day. It was beautiful.

This blog in particular always stayed in my mind. Granted it’s more about baby wearing/sling carrying. The whole thing is moving, but one part in particular really stands out to me.

People told me I was spoiling her. I told them “ We’re coping. This is all that works.” I was told to let her cry it out, but I had no desire to abandon my child to a dark room to cry out her angst. My responsibility to her did not end when the sun went down. I whispered in her ear that I couldn’t stop her crying, but I could hold her while she cried.

She was in heart failure. A rare and very serious heart defect had been causing massive heart attacks. Fatality rates were 90% in the first year. The screaming was her suffering from crushing chest pain. …

… My daughter never cried alone, left in a room. Had I ever practiced CIO, I would have woken to a lifeless baby.

“I couldn’t stop her crying, but I could hold her while she cried.” – this is exactly how I felt with my second child. Thank God he didn’t have a heart condition!

Update

2011-02-10T14:16:00.001-05:00

My Lovey comes home today from his first underway with his new boat. It actually wasn’t that bad at all. I’ve plugged myself in with a local church, which has been great for getting out of the house at least twice a week. My calender is completely filled this month and I’m LOVING it.

I find myself in this weird place of not “fitting in”. I can’t relate to the young new military wives, or the childless wives, or the older women. It’s just this interesting feeling of searching for new people to get together with.

In other news:

I got a speeding ticket yesterday. The last speeding ticket I got was in 2004…when I was ACTUALLY SPEEDING. It was Very late at night and I was on a road trip from California to Texas. I had JUST gone over the board from New Mexico to Texas and was pulled over.

Well yesterday I was on my way to an appt. I was actually going to be about 30 minutes early so I was taking it slow. I see this cop on the side of the road, further up ahead. He was facing with the flow of traffic. I see him outside of his car, and walk around from the passenger side to the drivers side. Suddenly I see him point his finger, then jerk toward the side of the road.

I was in a group of a couple other cars, so my first thought was “That’s not for me…”

I was going 65 in a 60. Next thing I know he’s coming up on my butt, so I pull over. I roll down my window and he says he’s pulled me over for speeding. Only thing I could think of to say was “oh….I’m sorry?”

So I give him my info, he writes a ticket and that was that. I go to my appointment and the technician gives me this clue how to get out of the ticket.

A friend works at the court house and said that once I get my hearing date, that I need to write 3 letters.

1 – I keep

2 –to the court secretary

3 – to the prosecuting attorney

In the letter you write your name, hearing date and case #.

Write that you’re formally requesting for your hearing the presence of a Speed measuring device expert.

Then mail it certified mail (with proof of receipt).

She said there’s only 1 guy here in my area and that the odds are that he won’t show up and the case will be tossed out.

It’s either that or proving I wasn’t speeding. He said I was going 75 and I know for a fact I was NOT doing 75. jackass.

Don’t get me wrong, I can totally have a lead foot. But this instance, I didn’t want to show up to early!

My baby girl has some bling bling

2011-02-03T22:48:00.001-05:00

Before

After!

She actually didn't really even cry. I mean you always hope that it won’t bother them too much or cause pain. Who would want that? But honestly, I think she handled it like a trooper!

The lady let me know the "process" for getting her ears pierced which included holding her head still. I felt that would be a little traumatic for Baby Girl who tolerates nothing of the sort.

I told her I'd like to see if breastfeeding would keep her still (which I knew it would.) She dotted both ears with marker. Then pierced the left ear first, all while nursing her. The lady asked if I was afraid she’d bite me. I wasn’t too worried. lol

Baby girl made one little peep then went back to nursing. So I switched sides to the other breast and the second gun made a loud cracking sound which seemed to startle her.
She made a little more of a peep and jerked away from the sound. This was enough to produce one little tear, then right back to nursing. lmao

All in all she did GREAT! I'm so glad we did it early. I remember getting my ears pierced and hated it. I also had to redo it because I had accidentally left my earrings out one night and it healed up. :( that sucked.

I also had my first run in (that I know of) with guys trying to look at my boob while nursing in public.
The kind lady at the counter stepped in front of me and stated that two guys had walked by for the 2nd time craning their necks trying to see my exposed CLEAVAGE. No really, that’s the most you could see of my breast was the amount of cleavage you would see by craning to look down a woman’s shirt.
I thanked her but stated that it didn't bother me much. 3rd baby, I don't really care who the hell sees my tits.

Suppose I should

2011-01-26T17:33:00.001-05:00

I’ll blame the whole “Having three kids” thing on my reason for not updating often. lol

So here’s my update. Lovey’s been away for about 2 weeks now on his new command. Still going to be awhile before he gets home.

This dream rental house of ours, isn’t so much of a dream because of the blasted heating issues that they won’t fix. We first moved in Dec 7th. We honestly, wouldn’t have been able to get base housing at that time because they were filled. So I’m glad we have what we have right now.

Well, the day we move in it is ICE cold in our house. We were told it would be set at 60. It was in low 50’s. We only have on us, what we brought cross country in our car. The rest of our stuff wouldn’t arrive until Dec 22nd. We tell them about the lack of heat and they said they’d look at it. For the time being they give us some space heaters. So we’re using space heaters which jacks up our electric bill by a whole heck of a lot. (Can we say 500 dollars??) Fast forward to today, the guy came out LAST NIGHT to look at it. I wake up this morning thinking it will be warm and I step out into a freezing cold living room. I didn’t trust the guy, so I’d left my space heater in my room and the kids room on. I heard it going all night just to keep the room warm. (It will turn off when it reaches the set temp). Screw this, I turned all my space heaters back on. I just won’t use the propane heat. I’m biding my time before we can get out of this lease and move into a 4 bedroom in base housing. May. I’m sure we actually have it pretty easy, but I’d rather not pay the utilities to heat my house.

In the meantime, I’ve been filling up my Calendar with activities for myself and the kiddos. We’ve found a place which is a kid’s museum for imaginative play. They’ve really enjoyed going there, so I’ve made that an every Tuesday thing.

The Boys shopping.

Baby Girl in the background is so cute. Very kid/baby friendly place.

Why is it, when you plan on arriving somewhere by a certain time, THAT’S the morning they let you sleep in? They’ve normally been waking up by 8-8:30am. Drives me nuts!

Granted, I should set an alarm if I wanted to make sure I get up. It’s not like we HAD to be there by a specific time, just a “routine” time that I’ve found I like to go. They’ve just opened, it’s not super busy… etc.

Where are all the moms my age in my area? This may sound bad, but all the mom’s I see around here are first time mom’s in their late 30’s, early 40’s. That in and of itself is not a bad thing, but I’m wanting to meet some people who are on my level parenting wise.

You have your first kid and some moms can be “know it all, hover-parents.” Notice I said “some moms”. These “some moms” I’ve noticed to act like “my kid is so perfect/never did that/I’m such an awesome parent” because they’ve had one kid. So they think they know it all. This includes my in-laws. Maybe they had an easy baby at that. Their confidence level = VERY HIGH. I know this, because with my first kid, I was one. So it’s easily recognizable. No worries, my second kid humbled me. I’m not a perfect parent and my kids ARE awesome. However, you WILL see me as that parent with the kid throwing a temper tantrum in the store while I hum and try to remain calm.

The more kids one has, the more (hopefully) one becomes laid back in their parenting, and realize they didn’t actually have all the answers they thought they had. All the same values, but not so rigid in application. Because heck, kids will be kids. Those are the moms I would like to meet. The “been there done that” moms with no shortage of “Oh man, I feel ya right now.” With a distinct absence of “My kid never did that!”

Story time:

I was at the kid museum with my ducklings. One mom was going around hovering over her kiddo, “oh honey don’t do this. don’t climb on that. not up so high. don’t throw this.”

Let me make this clear… YOU ARE AT A CHILDREN’S PLAY PLACE. Everything in this room is designed to be kid friendly. Back OFF the kid. “can you breathe? can you walk? can you blink without my help?” I didn’t say anything, just backed away slowly and followed the ducklings around.

Another mom was “mother hen’ing” every one in the bloody room. She asks me which kid is mine and I point out “This one, this one and ::searches for the third:: that one.” A look of horror crosses her face. "oh!" she says, "three of them". Okay, no biggie. I get that a LOT. But… BUT then.. She collects her emotions, turns to me again. She gives me this once over from (no kidding) Head to toe. Remember, I’m the youngest mother in the room by at least 10-11 years, and with a very SNOOTY tone of voice and look on her face says to me, “I think one of your kiddos has a pooooopy"
Like…..seriously?

I look back at her and genuinely say in a very normal tone of voice "My boys. Don't wear diapers." I smile. I was very proud of myself for keeping my composure.

Her eyes got all big again, and I see this thought come over her like "oh damn. It's one of mine that has a poop!" I smiled and said “Maybe it was just gas.”
Well it was made even more funny by the way she tried to "hide" the fact that her kids were in diapers. She started stuttering and said to her kid "um. Kid’s name um. do you... have a poo... um do you need to? ::whispers:: do you have a poopy diaper?" Her kids were 5, and 3. Why couldn’t she have just checked her OWN kid’s diapers and leave it at that?

Okay, End rant/

But seriously, where are the laid back moms?

Baby Girl Turns 1!

2011-01-19T16:08:00.001-05:00

Credit: Michelle Oszurek Gardella

To start my Breastfeeding counselor certification we work on communication. Considering I have previously done my doula training through this same company, I was informed (rather late if you ask me) that I wouldn’t need to repeat this exercise.

Since I had already started it, I finished it anyway.

Here is my communication assignment, reflecting on Baby Girl’s birth.

God bless you if you read all the way to the end.

On January 21^st, 2011 it will be a year from the time my daughter was born. I would like to tell you our birth story. Her estimated due date was actually February 20^th, which coincidentally is my middle son’s birthdate. She is my third child born, 5^th pregnancy. I have had two early miscarriages, one between each of my children. Her pregnancy and birth were incredibly stressful compared to my previous experiences. Her birth in particular is what I would like to recount.

In order to properly tell the story of her birth, I need to explain a bit more than just her birth. At 13 weeks gestation I developed severe blood clots in my lungs, also known as a Pulmonary Embolism. At this point it was required that my prenatal care now be in the hands of a high risk OB. I had a 5 days hospital stay in a cardiac unit and I was put on blood thinners for the duration of the pregnancy and for 6 weeks after her birth. I was told repeatedly that I was lucky I had not had a heart attack or stroke. As it was, I had gone two weeks with the symptoms, ignoring them, thinking it was related to my pregnancy and the morning sickness. The cardiologist wasn’t lying. I truly was lucky.

Because of these events, my goal of having a third home birth was completely out of the question. It is unsafe to have a homebirth while on blood thinners because of the severe risk of hemorrhage. I was thrust into the world of high tech machines, and doctors whose hands never actually touched my belly. My expectations of a natural, drug free, gentle and calm birthing were slim to say the least. My hopes were that because of my back ground in Childbirth education and Doula work that I would be an empowered mother with a great outcome. Secretly, I hoped I could still have a home birth by somehow timing the stopping of my blood thinners so they were no longer in my system. In a way, I got what I needed while not exactly what I wanted.

I was 34 weeks pregnant when my amniotic fluid levels became, what I was told to be, increasingly low. They sent me to the hospital in tears with threats of still birth and cord compression if I didn’t raise my levels. They told me she had a fast heart rate and was under stress. As a childbirth educator I understand the risks, but I was unsure of if they were just trying to control a patient who had an agenda they didn’t like. I was able to increase my fluids by hydrating orally. My little girl had been monitored all night with surprisingly no concerns considering they had said she’d had a fast heart rate. I was allowed to go home. Over the weekend I hydrated constantly, and at my very next visit that Monday my levels were again “shockingly low”. At that point, they played my emotions. I made the choice to quit fighting them and agreed to an induction. However, there was a new threat. My little girl had turned footling breech. Their plan was to give me a c-section in the morning, and I wasn’t able to talk anyone into allowing me a vaginal breech delivery. They’re only consideration was to give me a spinal, try an external version in the OR, then induce me if it worked. Which I agreed to trying. They hospitalized me, stopped my blood thinner injections, and hydrated me through an IV in preparation for what they thought they knew would be c-section early the next morning. That night I was able to use techniques from the website Spinning Babies, and by morning she was again head down. At the surprise of my doctors, my induction was then planned for and started.

They informed me they were going to break my waters, give me Cytotec, insert an internal monitor and then start the pitocin. I informed them that I was not going to allow them to break my water, give me Cytotec, or insert an internal monitor. I did allow the pitocin. I also allowed a foley catheter to aid in manual dilation of my cervix, with the stipulation that my water NOT be broken.

One setback that came about in the beginning was my second nurse didn’t change out my IV fluid bag. Without the proper fluids the pitocin wasn’t reaching my body. This was not noticed until much later as, at the time, they cared more about controlling whether I was sneaking food (I was), and the fact that I was trying to pump breast milk to aid in the induction that was obviously not working. I was able to have contractions with pumping every 15 minutes. Pumping was a thing that they did not like as it was out of their control. With the pitocin finally noticed and fixed, I started to feel the effects and began my labor dance. I used hypnosis from the Hypnobabies program and was able to successfully dance my way through 36 hours of back to back contractions using my Hypnotic cues and techniques. I slept on blankets on the floor because it’s what felt most comfortable to me. I sat on the birthing ball, in the rocking chair, in their cramped and sad excuse for a shower. I danced, dipped, squatted and swayed. I ignore any and every hospital caregiver that came in. At a teaching hospital, that’s a lot of people.

My birth plan did state that I welcomed any caregiver who would like to support a natural, drug free birth. So I’m thankful to say that I did have 4 out of 5 nurses who aided me in that goal. I also ended up having a wonderful OB whose own wife preferred unmedicated deliveries, so he was much obliged to let me do my own thing. All the fighting I had to do prenatally, I was able to just dance and not fight as much during my birthing time.

After those first 36 hours, I grew weary. I had only 1.5 hours of sleep total in the past day and a half. The previous night has been mostly trying to get her to turn. My mind was not able to keep up my hypnotic techniques which had kept me so comfortable. My cervix was 5cm dilated. I was pleased but had begun to fight the physical process by not relaxing into it. Instead of floating on the waves, I tensed as they came back to back, over and over without actually ever subsiding. They went from intense pressure, to down right pitocin induced pain. I cried, instead of moaned. It’s then that I made the decision for an epidural. My goal had changed from drug free vaginal birth, to vaginal birth period.

Another doctor, the one who specialized in blood disorders in pregnancy, loomed in the background through messages from my friendly OB presiding over the birth. The concern being the amount of time I’d been off of the blood thinners. I raged on. I didn’t care, I just wanted to give birth without any of them there.

My epidural, my relief, didn’t take. I was able to get some sleep, but the pain woke me up and they had to redo the entire process. I don’t regret the decision, but I will always remember THAT pain with disdain.

Two – Four hours later (times I no longer really remember), my cervix had not changed from 5cm. I suggested popping my water. Almost 38 – 40 hours, and all this while I had said “No” to the intervention. I felt that now was a good time. Her head was on my cervix, but I wasn’t changing dilation. My water was broken, and we set in to wait some more.

2 more hours go by and they check me. I’m now 8cm, but my baby is still high. The resident states that it will take 2 more hours, and asks if I feel rectal pressure. I tell her no, but I feel vaginal pressure. She assures me, a third time mother, that it has to be rectal and leaves. I tell the nurse in my room I need to throw up. I have the shakes, and I still feel vaginal pressure. I ask the nurse to check me. It’s been merely 5 minutes at the most since the resident left, and the nurse informs me that she feels my daughter nearly a knuckle from crowning. I ask her to please wait before she calls in the doctors, which she is pleased to agree to. I slowly breathe my baby out, with tiny grunts and pushes. The pitocin is raging through my body and my uterus is contracting hard enough on it’s own that to push out a 35 week baby, after having 2 kids previously, is purely easy to do.

My little girl is born into my and my nurse’s hands. A very gentle birth, after a very long ordeal. She cries shortly after, and for her gestational age she turns out to be in excellent health.

At the time of her birth, with this forced and, yes begrudgingly chosen path, I was scared. I was scared for her health, whatever it would be at 35 weeks. I was scared that if I fought this induction that she really would be stillborn from low fluids. I was scared that if I didn’t fight it, I would end up with a c-section because my cervix was not ripe. I think that’s why I ended up having this marathon labor. So much fear, endless fear. I was holding her in, worried she’d have to stay in the NICU. I was scared that she would continue to remain a footling breech and that no matter how I tried I wouldn’t be able to get her head down. I pleaded with the doctors to let me try for a breech delivery. I cried uncontrollably. The nurses in triage, while sweet and caring, really didn’t understand the big deal over a c-section. They see them all too often. After all, I’m just one more high risk pregnant mother. I did everything in my power to let them know I would not be just one more number. I lay on the hospital bed with my rear in the air, attempting to get her to change positions. They asked questions and I was happy to answer them. I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to have a vaginal birth. My previous babies have been 7lbs 10oz and 9lbs 5oz (with a 38cm head!) respectively. I know that I could have easily given birth to a 35 week breech baby who would be much smaller than the both of her brothers. She was 6lbs 1oz, 18in when she was born. She was just a peanut. She could fit into doll clothes.

My mother was there with me as part of my support along with my Doula. We’d spoken time and again about the attitudes of my high risk doctors over the course of my pregnancy. She very pointedly told me during my labor, “My God, it’s like all they want to do is just give you a c-section and be done with you!” I knew she felt it too; this burden to do things their way, and quickly. It was like hearing this unspoken conversation of “How dare you fight the system!” In reality, I’m sure that all their medical concerns were valid in their own eyes, but their attempts to persuade me were not gentle or in discussion like tones. They were overbearing and intimidating. I was felt like a little girl who didn’t know better, and I was going to get my baby killed if I didn’t follow their precise instructions. A nurse in their office told me at every single prenatal visit, “You could DIE.” Yes, madam, I know that I could die. However, I do not need the constant reminder that you care to give every time I come to an appointment.

During my birth, we were finally blessed with a wonderful doctor who we grew to love. He made every move to keep people out of our room so I could birth dance in peace. During the times he needed to make rounds with his residents, it was as if he told them to line up single file with a finger over their mouths grade school style. They came in, they observed my birth dance, and they left. Unfortunately, he was switched out before her actual birth with another OB that I didn’t know or have as gentle a rapport with. He still seemed like a genuine man, but I was unsure of his medical treatment “style”

At the moment of her birth, when she came slipping into my hands, there wasn’t a doctor in sight. I felt so empowered. I had made decisions along the way that I was proud of, or would grow to become proud of. But at that very moment, I was overjoyed. I laughed and could have jumped off the bed to dance some more. This doctor, while trying to be humorous, later came bursting into my room laughing, commenting “I guess you got another home birth huh? Ha ha ha!” I glared. This, was nothing like a home birth.

I had explained to him before, when I had been checked and found to be 8cm, a way that we could break down the bed so it would mimic a birthing stool. Come to find out, this doctor had looked forward to his “first midwife birth”. I felt sad that he’d never seen that type of birth before.

My concerns and my wants for another birthing stool birth had come from having birthed my previous children without a tear or cut. I was fearful of this doctor manipulating my vagina or hacking away at me when I knew there wouldn’t be a need. *I* had birth a 9lb baby and not torn. I knew I could birth a 35 week baby and it wouldn’t be a problem. My fears were thankfully diminished when my nurse eagerly agreed to only calling to the nurse’s station for help after my baby’s head had already been born. I could have kissed her then and there.

The birthing stool no longer emotionally needed, I ended up giving birth lying in a half sitting up position with my legs gently propped open. I had one leg slightly supported by my mother. I wasn’t coached to push. I held my quiet husband’s hand. They just talked with me excitedly as I closed my eyes and focused on what I could feel through the slight numbing from the epidural. It was an interesting feeling, to feel her descend without any true physical sensations or pressure like I’d felt before. Just this numb bowling ball, move down and out. At this point, I was just so glad that I was having a vaginal birth. I no longer felt like I would be vulnerable or abused. I had previously birthed surround by women, and my husband by my side. I didn’t want that male figure who had given me no real reason to trust him, sitting in between my legs. Thanks to my nurse and her participation in this breaking of the hospital rules, I felt like the people in the room with me right then and there, were all the people I could trust. I wanted them there, and felt they truly deserved to see my baby born.

I’m proud of my decisions. I’ll never truly know if her induction was really needed. But in the light of it all, I’m proud of the choices I made. Because of them, I feel so empowered. I know where my strength does stand. It’s never a comfortable situation, to stand up to someone who thwarts their authority over you when you’re in such a vulnerable situation.

My first decision was to refuse them breaking my water for the induction. I found it to be a downright ridiculous idea. They had put me in the hospital twice now for low fluids. These threats of a still birth and cord compression were looming in my head. Then they had the balls to tell me they were going to completely strip me of all amniotic fluid to jump start an induction for low fluids? No. I wanted that cushion for myself and my baby. I knew that an induction would not be easy and we both deserved that cushion. I didn’t want the risk of infection or as they had eagerly pointed out before, cord compression.

My second decision I’m proud of was saying no to Cytotec. I wanted nothing to do with a drug that was not made for use in labor. This decision was made even easier by the fact that just a few years prior there had been a maternal death in that same hospital due to Cytotec use in a mother’s labor. My point made, I stood firm.

They gave me a second option to manually dilate my cervix with a foley bulb. I’ll be honest, I was frightened they would “accidentally” break my water, but they stood firm in their promise and the bulb was placed without my water breaking. I was surprised; this particular intervention was actually painless. I had expected more sensations. Other than feeling the doctor’s fingers in my cervix I felt no pain. I don’t know if it was my use of my Hypnobabies techniques that I took advantage of, or if the process itself (which requires a foley catheter to be placed and ballooned up with fluid) wasn’t as bad as I expected. Either way, it didn’t hurt, I was pleased with my decision.

Another choice I made during labor was to remain active. I moved constantly. When I needed to rest I would do so in various positions that were mostly upright. I never feel comfortable lying down, especially not on soft and cushioned places. It makes me feel sick and hurts my back and pubic bone. The hard tiled floor brought me a lot of comfort. So I danced, I swayed, I squatted and dipped down with legs wide open into a very deep squat then rocked back and forth. I focused on being open. I rocked in the rocking chair and kneeled in the shower. I didn’t care about monitors and IV poles. Yes, they annoyed me, but I didn’t allow them to constrict me. I drug it along with me and I did what I wanted to do. Everyone else be damned. They could chase me for all I cared; I wanted to, I needed to move.

When the time came that I felt pain, I chose relief. I still have back pain from my epidural placement. However, at that time it was the best option. While I regret it, I’m glad I made the decision as well. I can only imagine what would have happened had I not chosen relief. Would my cervix begin to swell shut? What about the pain? It was becoming so bad that I was fighting my body’s own processes. Instead of becoming loose and limp, I was tapping my foot and holding my breath. I was going against everything I knew I should be doing because I couldn’t think past the pain any longer. Relief and rest were my smartest options. So I chose them. I changed my point of view from “drug free” to “vaginal birth”. I cried, and felt ashamed. I felt regret. I felt as if I’d let myself down. “I had two prior, drug free home births! Why must I feel the need to cave for drugs now?” My doula encouraged me. She praised me for my choice. Let me know that I had made the smartest decisions every step of the way, and this was just one more that she was proud of me for.

I regret it still sometimes, but it’s always easier when you’re not in the situation to think about what you would have done. Looking back, I wonder if we had just popped my water and asked them to lower the pitocin levels, would I have been able to better handle it? Would the pain have subsided enough that I could rest a little? Should I have taken a sleeping aid during the night? Yet, I know that I can’t think in “what if’s”, only in “What is” and “What was”.

My daughter will be a year old in just a few short days. I look back at her birth now and the thing I think about the most is our strength. I found my true strength through the above choices I’d made. Over time my feelings have waivered, then changed into a new thought process. I do try to always remain positive. I don’t like negative feelings, and never want to see them in myself. At first, I was so sad for myself that I missed out on a “birth high”. I pitied myself and felt at a loss. With my previous births, I felt tremendous afterward. Like birth was the most natural, normal event ever. You give birth and you move on, and you have this high in the clouds feeling like you can overpower everything that stands in your way. This is what I have felt in the past. I know not everyone does. This time, I mostly felt tired. Happy about her arrival, but only in the way of “Thank God this is over. Now I can go home. She’s here and I don’t have to deal with the high risk doctors any longer.” There was no hormonal joy. There was no hormonal love from my labor for my baby. My epidural had rid me of my endorphins and I was left empty and physically drained. I was joyful for a vaginal birth and for beating the system in a way.

Then I made the pointed decision to look on the positive. It did take me a few months, but I chose to think differently. Only I have power over my thoughts. So I thought: I had a daughter I had longed for. I had a daughter at 35 weeks who was absolutely, and completely healthy. She was born, she cried, she peed on me and she nursed all within a short time period.

To further demonstrate how amazing this is to me let me explain. To cry and breathe normally meant that at 35 weeks her lungs were developed. For her to pee on me immediately meant her kidneys were working beautifully. To nurse meant that her sucking reflex was in full working order. They had no reason to keep her in a NICU away from me. The baby nurse who gently asked to check her out, proudly announced she was perfectly healthy and quickly gave her back to me. Not only did my daughter nurse, she found my nipple all on her own and latched by herself. All this and she was just a mere 35 weeks old. I decided I would feel triumphant for my daughters health! I would stop pitying my loss of a birth high. I will go easy on myself and say that I am always hormonal after a birth, baby blues comes with the territory for me.

Because of her early arrival, and small size, my vagina felt completely normal by day 3. I decided this was another point to be rejoicing for. My body felt healed in a matter of a few short days. I decided that despite my less than ideal birth, I would be happy. I was physically healthy again. My daughter was as strong as an Ox.

Her birth had been one big ordeal, and I had survived it. I had survived it physically intact, and I gained a new sense of self-empowerment. I grew. I learned my own strengths, both physically, mentally and emotionally from this experience whether I really wanted to or not.

Gaining this new sense of strength, of being empowered in birth and using my birth education from the Hypnobabies program, it has given me a renewed purpose for being a Doula and Childbirth educator. In 2007, when I trained to be a Hypnobabies instructor and again when I trained to be a Doula through CBI, my purpose was to spread the knowledge I had learned. To teach other women how to use Hypnosis so they too could have births they would enjoy. To be a support system for them during their births in whatever way they needed.

I still posses those wants and that drive. I’ve added this though. I want to empower women. I want to be able to teach them not to just know about birth and about the wonders their bodies perform. I want them to have the strength to say “no” to those who assert their authority. I want them to have the strength to say yes if they do need a chosen intervention. I want them to have the confidence that they are making a decision that at that precise moment, is the best decision they could possibly make for them and their body, and their baby. Whether they realize in the moment, or later down the road, I hope they feel empowered from their birth.

I want to be a doula for them just as my doula was for me. Physically supportive. Emotionally caring, Knowledgeable and last but not least, supportive of every one of my decisions.

My babies, 4, almost 3, and 1yrs. Happy Birthday my sweet Baby Girl.

If you’ve read this far, you just read 4,286 words. Thank you for taking the time.

On my mind…

2011-01-18T23:17:00.002-05:00

Several things floating around in my head right now. This is going to be stream of consciousness style, so keep up:
First off. It’s time I get off of my butt! I have been certified as a Hypnobabies – Hypnosis for Childbirth instructor, AND a certified Doula since 2007. I’ve also been pregnant/given birth twice since then. Consequently, my Doula work and Hypnobabies classes have taken a back seat compared to my parenting. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I would like to be doing more.
Well, NO MORE I say. I *have* been active online and over the phone. I’ve helped answer questions and counsel moms if they’ve needed help or information. Now, I would like to be more active in teaching classes and attending births. Being more supportive face to face. While I’m glad to say I know my online/phone conversations have helped, I feel like I would like to do more, and be more help.
I feel like I have grown in my “birthy” ways as well. From the “know it all”, excited, “only one right way” first timer (which, I completely know I was) -- to a (slightly) more experienced, better listener. Accepting of more than one way, even if it’s not what *I* would do. I admit to my past thoughts and opinions, I’m no where near where I would like to be (or even knowing everything out there that there is to know). I am what I am now because of where I’ve been, and where I’d like to be. I thank God for all my experiences, and that I still have a heart that would like to learn and grow.
So on that note: I’m adding to my credentials. Thanks to my Hypnobabies Instructor education, I have a background in Hypnosis (50 hours). I want to add to that and have now begun my Hypnotherapist training, which means I’ll be a Certified Master Hypnotherapist. Really all that means, besides the fancy name, is that I’ll be able to better help people with more training in Hypnosis than what I already have. I’m really looking forward to this. I know that I’ve been slacking!
Further more, I’m also undertaking a Breastfeeding Counselor training. I would love to be a Lactation consultant, but I don’t have a RN degree, or any type of Health degree at all. So that makes that a bit hard. However, if I can further help moms by getting a Breastfeeding counselor certification – by gum I’ll do it.
Having just moved to a new state, I’m looking for a new place to teach my classes.
My DREAM is to own a business that offers classes to new and expectant parents, yoga, maybe even a “family enrichment” area in which parents can bring their kids to play. Yes, this would be a large facility, but I can dream.
Admittedly, I have NO idea where to get started on this, nor do I have the funds. Ahhh to be rich (and not have excuses). I have issues with comfort zones, and pushing those boundaries can make me recoil, as if the water is too cold. It’s something I must overcome!
Until then, I’m searching around for a place I can rent out space to teach classes. So I’m very excited to get BACK into doing this.
I love the Hypnobabies network because they require us instructors to recertify yearly. They keep track of exactly what we’re teaching our students, since we’re teaching something with THEIR name on it. They want to make sure the information we’re giving our students (and by default, their students) is up to date! Don’t you just love that? So I hope you feel confident as a student that what you’re being taught is constantly updated to reflect the best information out there, and watch out for the knock offs!
I hope by the end of this year, I’ve reached my goals.
For more information on Hypnobabies Hypnosis for Childbirth check out http://www.hypnobabies.com

Cloth Diapering

2011-01-13T21:03:00.001-05:00

I first started cloth diapering back in 2008. My second son was about 4 months old. I had thought about cloth diapering with my first, but honestly at the time it was just a passing thought. Something that seemed nice. Avoiding the constant diapering costs, plus costs for wipes.

It can be an expensive first time purchase, unless you slowly build up over time. For pregnant moms who want to cloth diaper, buying 2-3 per paycheck can be a great way to build your supply before baby comes. For me I didn’t really start until my FIL purchased the cloth diapers as an “I’m sorry” for deeply upsetting me (ie: he MAJORLY pissed me off by interfering in our marriage). I never got a verbal apology, he essentially just bought me off. But that’s a story for another day.

The diapers were BumGenius 3.0 One size pocket diapers. With the one size, I could use them from 8lbs up to 35lbs. Perfect! I stuck both boys in them at once. I only had about 17 at the time, and was doing laundry every other day. It was a great set up, and with my next pregnancy I gradually added to the pile. I have about 30 now.

A pocket diaper is just that. It comes with inserts for absorbency. There are other options of diapers, like an All-In-One where the inserts are sewn in. These generally come in 3 different sizes for the different stages. I prefer the One Size. For me it means less to buy.

To wash, I separate the inserts from the diaper and wash. That’s it. I generally do two full washes, both with soap.You can do the research on the different soaps to use, it will talk about which soaps wash the best plus talk about which build up or affect absorbency. I just use Gain and add some Borax. My diapers have never smelled gross afterward, or had a problem absorbing. Now there are washers that can also sanitize. Must be nice. lol You can either line dry, or use a dryer. I don’t always have the first option.

I highly recommend cloth diapers. The designs now mimic disposables and are so super easy to clean. Newborn poops you can do a quick rinse or just throw it a waterbath until you’re ready to wash. For older babies and their solid poops, you can just hold the diaper upside down over the toilet, then flush the BM. This may seem gross, but poop and pee don’t bug me in the least bit so it’s more of just a regular chore. If I don’t have to spend money to buy the diapers, and the cloth ones last (through 3 kids so far) then YAY, who cares about the poop! You can also buy flushable liners, but there’s an added cost and again, I don’t care.

There are different types of inserts as well. Like Microfiber and hemp. During the day I just use the Microfiber. But I add a hemp one to the mix for nighttime absorbency as it holds more.

Now my BumGenius dipes originally had velcro to keep it closed.

Like this

Over time it became a nuisance and stopped staying closed. So last year after baby girl was born I made a project of taking off the velcro and attaching snaps instead. I LOVE the snaps. You can buy BumGenius with snaps attached now, and another brand called Fuzzibunz also has snaps. I have both brands of diapers. Plus all the cute colors and designs!

What about WIPES?? At first I just kept purchasing disposable wipes. I got tired of this over time and looked into cloth wipes. Instead of throwing them away you just tuck them into cloth diapers to be washed together. I’m pretty slow to get into things. Not sure why, it just takes me a while to decide to do it.

When I read a post by another mommy blogger about how SHE does the wipes I decided to dive in.

Her suggestion was to buy newborn washcloths. Now there are the all organic, blah blah blah -

– but you’re going to be spending a lot on that option when you can find these for cheap at any store like Wal-Mart or Target.

They come in large packs for low prices. I bought several of these so I would have enough for lots of diaper changes without having to wash them more often. Plus there are times when you need more than one wipe. I’m pretty proficient as using 1 wipe for 1 poop, but hey, there are always blow outs.

I also bought a tupperware tub, that can "lock” with tabs.

To make the wipes there are so many variations of “recipes” out there.

Here’s what I use.

1 cup of water

A bit of baby bath. I like the lavender scent. And you don’t need a lot.

Tea Tree Oil. You’ll only need a few drops - this helps keep the wipes from molding.

There are fancy ways of folding the wipes so they mimic regular wipes that pull up one at a time. Frankly, I don’t care. I spend more time folding it than necessary. So I just fold them into fours and layer them in the tupperware.

And voila! Cloth wipes. Very simple to do.

Plus, LOOK how cute they look in the cloth diapers. Just LOVE them.

My MIL, the celebrity Chef

2011-01-08T15:50:00.001-05:00

I love my mother-in-law. She’s genuinely kind, very welcoming and we’ve never had an issue getting along great together. She SPOILS my kids rotten. When she comes to visit, she is literally their little slave and is at their beckon call. Which as you can imagine, be not so awesome for the mom dealing with the fall-out of kids who have been spoiled for days on end. But truly, she loves my babies dearly, and has no issues with my stepping in to be “mom”.

My mother in law is a celebrity chef. She’s Ms. September in a recent “Chef” calender of notable New York chefs, and at one time catered Carmen Electra’s wedding. She’s not a TV chef, and notoriety has NOT gone to her head. She’s still that good natured Burmese girl with the 10 siblings, who STILL get together on the weekends for dinner together. I love it.

She came to stay with us for the past 4 days, and as you can imagine we GORGED ourselves on delicious foods. She loved my kitchen and practically lived in it her entire stay, that is when she wasn’t crawling on the floor with the boys while playing a human train and freight cars. Her “homestyle” cooking is asian, and I’ve finally fallen in love with it. Yes, it took me awhile. Sometime during my last pregnancy, I started craving curry and it was all downhill from that.

So the point of this post is that I would LOVE to share some recipes with you for some of the dishes that were made while she was here. Everything she cooks is generally without measurements so I had to probe and prod her for those.

POTSTICKERS (aka dumplings)

You can put almost anything in a dumpling and pan fry it. For this recipe she used:

Ground Turkey (1lb)

Chives (I couldn’t catch the amount, so cut up your desired amount and toss it in!)

Jicama – diced small. For those who don’t know what it is, it’s a sweet root vegetable that looks like a turnip. She added it for the crunch factor. =) Jicama just happens to be my favorite thing. I could eat it like an apple.

Minced ginger (3-4 slices, fresh)

A few tablespoons of oil. I prefer Olive oil, my MIL would probably kill me for using it though. Something about a bitter taste. I prefer it though.

Wonton wrappers (the round kind, you may want two packages. this recipe makes a TON, but they freeze well!)

1-2 eggs, beaten with a small amount of water.

1/2 cup of water (or more, it’s at your discretion)

Lay out the wonton wrappers flat and brush the egg across the top of each one. Put a small dollup of the meat mixture onto the wonton. Fold one side to meet the egg brushed side, Fold and “pinch” them together so they’ll stay shut. Like so: (image taken from another blog to show the method of folding)

On MED-HIGH heat, Add the oil to the pan, then place the dumplings into the pan. Once you put them down do NOT move them around, as the oil will help it release later. They’re called pot stickers for a reason. Make sure this pan has a lid, it will help them cook more evenly. Add the water, place the lid on. Check on them often to make sure they’re cooked through. It won’t take too long. Then scrape them from the pan. This can be literal. lol

Ginger Honey Chicken

Chicken Drumsticks

Honey

Soy Sauce

Minced Ginger

I have no measurements for this, so eye it out. Marinate it while the oven preheats, or even earlier in the day if you want. For Grilling she says to marinate in a bag, a day or two ahead.

Just mix enough to coat the chicken. Cook at 300 for 45 mins. She originally started at 350 then lowered it. You can do that to help make a crispy skin.

Place chicken on a baking pan with foil. pour remaining marinade over the chicken. Turn the chicken halfway through the cooking. It’s delicious. I even ate the left overs, and I’m not a big “left overs” kind of girl.

Curry Beef

Boneless short ribs or cut up large pieces of lump roast. Either way, you want the meat to have a nice marbled look to it.

Half white onion

1 tblsp ginger

3 lemon grass stalks

4 cardamon pods (note: this is NOT ground cardamon)

1 stick cinnamon

1-2 tblsp curry

a little Turmeric

Fingerling potatoes

In a pan, cook onions, ginger, and lemon grass.

Add meat, salt and pepper to taste. Add cardamon pods, Add water to midway up the meat. Cover and cook about 1-2 hours on low heat until meat is very tender. As in, pull apart with a fork kind of tender.

Add potatoes about 30 minutes before you feel the meat will be done. Add curry and turmeric to taste and you’re done! So simple, and so very very delicious!!

Enjoy!

BBC - Hunting Games

2011-01-03T23:30:00.000-05:00

Okay, so at first I was slightly behind... now I finished the dad gum book. I couldn't put it down, I had to know how it ended. Didn't go to sleep until 1am this morning I was that into it.

So my MIL is visiting right now, but I wanted to say I thought she and Gale were a great team and I was sad they were "broken" up in the beginning.
I don't want to give too much away, so I'll just say right now she reminds me a little bit of Rose from Vampire Academy. She's got spunk, and a drive to get things done.

Wow this was a really useless blog post, but I was glad for the ending.

Slow to post

2010-12-30T16:30:00.000-05:00

When we first arrived here, I was wary of how our new house would hold all our furniture. In my head I was picturing it bigger (that's what she said). The furniture I mean.

But as everything arrived, we had the movers unpack for us and we put everything away as it came out of the box. It really helped with the clean up having it done that way.

As it turns out, our ceiling upstairs is too low for the bunk beds. Which really is no big deal. The entire room fits ALL their toys, the crib and two twin beds. Honestly, I can't complain now can I?

Our master bedroom is slightly cramped, but all the furniture fits. Our living room/dining area/kitchen is HUGE.

I love the feel of this house. The layout of the main floor allows me to feel like I can do all the chores and not be "locked up" in one room or another in order to finish it. I can literally do everything I need AND keep an eye on the kids all at once. It allows for easier clean up. Now I'm doing dishes all the time (which actually isn't as bad as that sounds, my GOODNESS I've turned into a mom) because I can do everything quickly and then relax.
I've also found that because I can do more chores easily, I'm on the computer less. I like this. I spend more time with my family and providing the necessities than doing stupid things online. Let's face it, I'm not a "blog mom" with give aways and weekly crap to write about. While I'm proud of moms who are out there providing important information about the world, I'm not one of them. I have nothing to offer online. Therefore, I don't need to be spending all my time online. I'm rarely on facebook these days. Except for to check up on friends.

But back to the house. The basement holds all our other crap, which was pretty much anything that was in our basement/attic at our other house. There's a nice guest bedroom down there. Weird lay out, but it'll do for guests to come spend the night and have their own space.

For your added bonus, here's some pictures of our new home, and what we've been up to over the past couple of months.

Also, NOT PREGNANT!!! Not to sound crass, but it's a running joke due to my three kiddos being so close in age. Lovey's been home since Nov 29th, I'm not preggo - so far so good!

Lovey and I with his female cousins. None of the guys made it to the party!

Why yes, I am breastfeeding. Did you notice before now? Be honest.

Hung bao! Gotta love asian families! Red envelopes (also known as hung bao). The illustrations on the front represent blessings, good wishes of longevity, prosperity and good health. Generally containing money, and are given for New Years, birthdays and other important events. At our wedding, we made serious BANK.

Most of Lovey's family, minus 5 or 6.. I think? I LOVE big families!!

This outfit is not actually my style (at all), but it was a gift. We appreciate it, and it was warm for her to wear.

Lovey's family were super impressed how fast the boys put this puzzle together. They're pretty proficient at it.

Okay, so on to the house.

Pictures are essential for us to feel at home. Stay tuned for the post of the awesomeness of those letters!

PS, We received our goods on the 22nd. Yes, I'm insane and put away all our stuff that quick.

View from the Kitchen

This place is actually rather big, this picture does not do justice. To the left there's an entire other living room sized area where the above pictures are hanging.

View OF the kitchen

Entrance to the kids loft room

The boys beds

View from the boy's beds. We've actually hung a curtain to block baby's girls view so she can sleep easier.

another view from the boy's beds. There's been a few more toys added due to christmas, but It's pretty much the same layout.

Happy New Year everybody!

Now that everything is put away, I've been experimenting making sourdough baguettes.
Here's my starter which is SO super simple to make. You can make all things after your starter is ready.

Cup of flour, cup of water. Stir together and let it sit in a warm place until it bubbles and gets frothy. Essentially you're growing yeast. =) To make this process go faster, add some active yeast to it. You need to "feed" you're new pet by taking some away and adding another half a cup of flour and half a cup of water. After you're done with all that then you can put it in the fridge and feed it every one to two weeks. I've moved mine from this glass jug to a cleaned out spaghetti jar (with holes punched in the top - just like a pet) and into the fridge. Apparently it's hard to kill off/starve, which explains why yeast infections are such a bitch. Yes, I jumped that gap and went there.

hyvää joulua!!

2010-12-25T02:50:00.000-05:00

ja Onnellista uutta vuotta!

Or more American - Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Why the above way of saying it? My great grandparents on my dad's side migrated from Finland. So my grandfather spoke fluent Finnish (but didn't teach his kids, thanks Gramps) Every holiday season, he'd answer the phone speaking Finnish and wishing us all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

So here I spread the love and my heritage.

I'm sitting here at almost midnight. We've set our cookies for Santa, with a note. Celery and Oats (with glitter) for his reindeer.
I think about how when you're little and you grow up believing in Santa. Then you find out that really, your mom is Santa and you're a bit disappointed. Then you think "My mom was Santa" and you have a smile on your face thinking about all the special things they did to make you believe.
I feel like a bit of a failure this year though. I'll be honest, it was a bust. We went to our first Christmas party here. A guy who used to be on Nate's old boat (wow I can't believe we can finally say that!) lives in our area and kindly invited us over. It was a fun gathering, but we came home later than I wanted to in order to do our fun things and NOT have tired, cranky kids.
I had baked the cookies earlier in the day so those were finished, and I mixed up the oats and glitter beforehand as well. But everyone was cranky, the boys were hungry as they hadn't really eaten as much as they had played and socialized.
Like I said, it was a bust. I felt completely useless. Everyone went to bed with tears, and I cried in the bathroom feeling like a horrible mom. I couldn't even get Christmas eve done right. Thank goodness they're young, and maybe they won't remember this.

Never mind that my house is a wreck. We arrived here Dec 7th. Our stuff? Arrived 2 days ago. With a cracked T.V., half of Lovey's computer desk completely missing, annnnd I still can't find several items (yet all our boxes are unpacked.) My one wish for this Christmas was that I have a "put together" house. I'm so happy that my Lovey is home. I'm happy that our little Family is together. But my ONE wish is that we could have a clean (and not a complete wreck) home for the holidays.
I did completely finish the kids room. Which isn't bad considering we got our stuff 2 days ago.

One thing I find funny about giving presents? While shopping for Little Girl (who will be 1 in a month!!), I saw all the gifts we've ever given the boys for birthdays/christmas. I don't care if they loved them, they were annoying. I'll admit that from time to time, they were "lost" for a week or two. I vowed I wouldn't get this one in particular. In telling Lovey about it just this evening, and wrapping presents. Low and behold - I see the blasted gift sitting there waiting to be wrapped. I bought the thing and brought it home. Oh well, at least I know what to expect. I can't even remember BUYING it to begin with. The boys loved it, so I know she will too.

Merry Christmas everybody. PS, I'm reading the book club book - but I've had VERY LITTLE internet time lately.
Love and miss you all!

--
MommyMichael

Still alive

2010-12-15T18:29:00.000-05:00

Hey all,

I promise, I'm still alive. And I'm missing out on all my blogroll reading! I'm dying to read posts from ALL of you.

We are here at our new port. The major FAIL of the move being that all our stuff.... isn't. We *may*...."possibly" get our stuff for christmas. So we've had no internet, living out of a suitcase, on air mattresses.
But we do have a christmas tree, and while it's absent of our "family" ornaments that we've collected over the years (mine are from my years growing up)... it's beautiful and makes our new home feel like OUR home.

I'll tell you right now, NEVER complain that a microwave takes too long to cook. Or that don't have enough pots and pants. Right now we're cooking on a pot and a pan. With two cooking utensils. We were using plastic plates and "silverware", but the moving company who we guilt tripped

"Listen man, we have 3 kids and we're all sleeping on one mattress. TELL me how you packed up our stuff a MONTH ago and it's STILL not here yet."

has "graciously" given a us a refund on buying pillows (we had one), blankets, and a dish pack. We also bought a coffee maker, considering we aimed for the cheapest of the above items we figured it wouldn't kill them to get us a 9 dollar coffee maker.

Oh and we're using starbucks for the internet.

Anyway. I'm still alive. All my FB friends knew that of course.

Vacation Time

2010-12-03T10:48:00.000-05:00

So my Lovey is home. It's been wonderful to have him back with us. The boys have been a bit sick, otherwise it's like they picked up right where we all left off. Little girl on the other hand has had to warm up to him. She's getting there, but is still in this "mommy only" frame of mind.

We've made our road trip to Chicago. As much as the movers took, I apparently still kept a little too much behind. Lovey didn't buy a big enough tarp on the roof so my suitcase was encrusted with ice once we arrived, but otherwise we got her just fine. Drove through snow and ice in 3 states, that was only scary when the wind picked up.

We're staying at Lovey's Aunt's house, and they're having a huge family party in our honor tomorrow. She's a fabulous cook, and so artsy. She has paintings everywhere in this house. I love it. It's been such a relaxing time here.
Lovey's mom has 9 siblings. Mostly sisters with one brother. The sister's all look alike, and as the boys call lovey's mom "Toto" (her name is Antonia, or Toni), they've been calling his Aunt "Toto" as well. We've been emphasizing that her name isn't Toto, and have come up with Mu-mu (her name is Muriel) instead. So eldest has been correcting War boy on that. It's pretty cute.

Today we may head into the city to check out the local scene. I need to get a hold of my friend who lives here. Then after the party tomorrow, Lovey and his dad head for our new home while I stay behind with the kids. Then we'll fly into the airport there on the 7th.
We plan on moving from Mu-mu's house to Auntie Peggy's place at the John Hancock building.

Pictures to come soon, I'm looking at a lot of the pics Lovey took during deployment.

Deployment Recap

2010-11-28T23:12:00.001-05:00

Week 27: Sorry ladies, this is THE LAST ONE FOR ME!!! My hunny is on his way home! woohooo!!!!

Emotional: I'm great! Was a bit pissy the other night. I hate drunk calls.

Physical: Stuffy nose, but otherwise pretty good.

Communication: email and phone calls. =)

What's something fun you did this week: Took the boys to see Tangled on Friday. Loved it. I'm always nervous about taking everybody to a movie by myself because if one has to pee, that means we ALL have to grab all our stuff and make the trip to the potty. But they did GREAT. No potty breaks, they were enthralled.
Had Fondue for thanksgiving. I literally ate all day that day. And had two glasses of white wine. It was just a fabulous day.

What are you looking forward to next week: Heading to Chicago to visit my Lovey's family. First time they will be able to meet Baby Girl, and first time in seeing my hunny in 5 years. crazy huh?

What made you happy this week: That it was the week before he comes home! lol

What made you sad/mad this week: people who cheat on their spouses. it's LAME.

What do you miss this week: my stuffs. The movers came on the 23rd and 24th to pick up all our things for the move. Sleeping on an air mattress isn't horrible, but living with bare essentials can be frustrating when it comes to entertaining 3 kids.

How's the kiddos this week: Eldest has had 3-4 accidents in his pants this past week since the movers came. It's frustrating because I know this regression is from the stress of having things changed up on him. Poor kid. War boy is still doing great. Once we get back into a "routine" things will be better. He makes it to the bathroom, but doesn't get his junk out in time. He's holding his pee too long. No matter how many times a day I ask if he has to go, or to tell mommy when he does need to go, we've had one a day since the movers came and packed up everything. I tried to make it "positive". That they were taking all our things to our "brand new home!!!!". but you change his routine and there will be regression. We'll come out of it, just got to get through it. =) They're going to get the surprise of their life tomorrow!

love this

2010-11-21T19:22:00.000-05:00

From Lovey,

Hey Sweets,

I was just remembering the old *kiss* attack e-mails and texts...and I wanted to let you know that I love you as much today as I did back then. Every song I hear that's about a significant other, I think of you. I miss you. If given the chance again, I probably would've asked earlier, that way I wouldn't have had to spend A-School away from you.

Right when I've been needing to hear it. "Asked earlier" meaning to marry me.

Also, He just got his flight itinerary!!!

Deployment Recap

2010-11-19T22:37:00.001-05:00

Week 26:

Emotional: Hormonal week, thanks Aunt Flo.

Physical: My ankle still hurts from when I twisted it a month ago. Yeah, you read the right. A month ago. I know these things take time, but still.

Communication: Lots of emails. Us trying to plan our move and all the fine little details. And I got a kiss attack email. When we were dating and chatting via AIM he would do this goober thing and type out KISS ATTACK!!!!! and then a bunch of *kiss* over and over again. So it was really cute to get that as an email. That was it, just all that as an email. =) I loved it.

What's something fun you did this week: Goodness, I can't really remember. I got my haircut today. The kids were super awesome. I had them sit in the chairs by the door while I got my hair washed and cut. It was a small salon so I wasn't worried. I gave them my phone to play with, then part way through I told them it was the other's turn. Seriously, it was a total fluke I swear. But they sat in those chairs, didn't make a peep. I was so so so proud and was sure to let them know what great job they did waiting for mommy so patiently and quietly. Trillian sat on my lap and watched me get my hair cut with this super serious look on her face.

What are you looking forward to next week: THE MOVERS ARE COMING!!! THE MOVERS ARE COMING!!!!!! I can't tell you how excited I am. I've got great friends here, even if I am a homebody that hardly goes places. But I have to make myself excited, or else I'll get bogged down in the details.
And fondue night at Emily's for thanksgiving. =)

What made you happy this week: I put together the boys bunk beds, then their mattresses arrived, and I got out the submarine quilts I bought them. And put their brand new sheets on their beds. They looks so small in them, but they both LOVE having big boy beds.

What made you sad/mad this week: Lovey wasn't here to put the beds together with me. He missed out on them sleeping in them that first night. You know how you sneak in to marvel at their sweet sleeping faces. Their bodies all cock-eyed in the bed, butts in the air, feet hanging over the edge. You tuck them back in, and pull the blankets back up. Give them one last kiss, or ten, depending on if they stir before you sneak back out of the room... then peek back in the door one last time because you just hate walking away. You could just stand there and watch them sleep for forever.

What do you miss this week: Seeing him naked. Our bodies just fit together so well. I miss that.

How's the kiddos this week: They're doing great.

Pictures from this week:


Lovey's aunt drew this of the boys. I love her work, she's painted pictures of both Lovey and i, and of the kids. I'm trying to convince her to open up an Etsy shop, instead of waiting to retire to sell her artwork.

This is one she did of baby girl a while back. *Love* it.

Hypnotic state

2010-11-17T11:59:00.000-05:00

That place between sleep and awake. I lay there at night, almost dozing off and I start thinking of such brilliant and I do mean BRILLIANT blog posts.

But, I'm the mom of 3, with a sleepy nursingly beside me in bed - and there is NO WAY IN HELL I am getting up just to write a blog post before I forget it. I would much rather just slip off into sleep, then complain about it later.

Etsy

2010-11-16T19:43:00.001-05:00

You know, I really love etsy It Really brings out a lot of great artists.

I recently found out about Sarah who owns the Darling Lark shop, from Jennifer at I peed on a stick... Jennifer was considering/wanting to get an initial for her gorgeous baby's room. She showed a couple pictures of Sarah's work, and I must say she draws beautiful initials in such a unique style.

So I ordered three. One for each kiddo. I don't have them quite yet, and I asked her to add a little something to each one. So you'll just have to wait until I get them to see it!

OH, and if you're interested, Sarah has a blog too. Go check IT out. This is the link to her Darling Lark post, but find the newest one and enjoy!

4 Things

2010-11-16T13:11:00.000-05:00

Danielle over at Momotics tagged me. How fun! I never get tagged lol, I don't blog often enough for things like that.

4 things in my handbag:

Diapers (because I'd rather carry a purse, then a monster bag)
Ear buds
Hand Sanitizer
Glasses

4 things in/on my desk: (okay, I have no desk right now! So I'm using the kitchen counter...)

Bread Machine
Calender
Huge vase of gorgeous purple flowers
Folded clean clothes from the dryer

4 things in my bedroom:

More clothes
Baby Swing
Pack-n-play
Paintings done by yours truly

4 things I’ve always wanted to do (but haven’t tried yet):

Visit Ireland
Visit my husband in a foreign port
Organize all the kiddos baby pictures (lol)
Snowboarding.

4 things I enjoy very much at the moment:

Baths! (oh heck yeah Danielle)
Nature's Promise Coffee - Breakfast Blend
My ugly colored quilt made by my grandma. No really, it's hideous, but it's comfortable and made with love.
My iPhone4

4 songs I cannot get out of my head:

Dream a Little Dream - The Mamas and the Papas
Kick in the Teeth - Papa Roach
Into Action - Tim Armstrong
Magic - Rabbit

4 things you didn’t know about me:

I cut my four fingers on my right hand when I was four years old. Completely severing 2 tendons and a nerve. This is the hand I write with now, God bless the surgeon who worked on my hand for 4 hours of micro-surgery.
I got you beat Danielle, 3 older siblings who are 18 yrs older, 13 years older, and 9 years older. I have a nephew who is 4 years younger than me. He's like a brother to me.
My high school graduating class was 13 people.
I don't drink beer, I think it's disgusting. My favorite alcoholic drinks include: Rum and Coke (with sailor jerry), Amaretto Sours, and Mimosas. I find that I have come to like Moscato now too. I have been flat out drunk ONCE in my life (at age 25 - yes, it took me that long. I just don't drink that heavily, ever.) and will never do it again.

4 bloggers I’m tagging:

Deployment Recap - Week 25

2010-11-13T20:42:00.000-05:00

25 weeks people... Seriously, and there are 52 weeks in a year. You do the math. When is the last time you spent THAT long away from your most beloved and significant other? Give it up for the military. And it's not over yet. For me it's closer than it is for others. Only because he's transferring off the boat though.

Emotional: Very irritable this week. Can I just say, I seriously hate some ports they hit. ugh.

Physical: I worked my ass off the past week. I emptied the attic of all the things I put up there in the effort to sell our house. The movers won't go up there to bring stuff down, so what took two full grown men to put up there... *I* brought down by myself. Yes, I DO deserve a medal. lol But I'll take a gift certificate to a spa of my choice ;) I also put together the kid's bunk bed last night. That wood was some heavy stuff. They weren't screwing around when they designed that thing.

Communication: I was able to talk to him briefly, once. He got smart and put money on the phone card. But then the next day he couldn't get the phones to work. Or some excuse like that. He was able to sing Happy Birthday to his son, ON his actual birthday. That made me happy. I don't think my eldest saw the big significance of it, but he will later in his life if it happens again. I missed his skype call, not once, but twice. That sucked. Stupid chores and errands.

What's something fun you did this week: Drove to New Jersey (3 hours) to see a dear friend that I may not see again in a very long time. It was an awesome visit. Had my 4 year old's b-day party! Well, very informal and laid back, but still. Tomorrow we head to NYC to hang with the grandparents and celebrate once more. It's been tradition so far, we'll probably miss out on that in the years to come.

What are you looking forward to next week: Their twin mattresses arrive. Those are their christmas presents (along with the bunk beds). They have matching submarine quilts, so I'm pretty excited for them to have it. =)

What made you happy this week: The looks on their faces when I put the bed together. My middle son said "TADA!! It's a bed!!! Oh Me God, Mommy that is AWESOME!" And he's almost 3, so it was just a real joy to hear him so happy and so excited. Especially after all the hard work.

What made you sad/mad this week: My husband in port. Making stupid decisions, and I feel like he's acting irresponsibly. Nothing I can do about it now, I just wish he'd made better choices.

What do you miss this week: Having a man around the house. I had some friends from New York come down to visit with us all day. It was so nice. I love their family, so it was just really awesome to have a tall male figure that resembles my hubby. With similar tastes and attitudes, it just felt familiar.

How's the kiddos this week: My eldest and youngest had check ups at the pedi. They're both right on track. I always kind of worry about my eldest because his brother (while younger) is just about his size. And he's so much smaller than friends in close age to him. But nope, he's right on track for where he's supposed to be, so that was very relieving. Baby girl is also doing great and is right on track. Skipped the shots, they've been sick the past week.

Pictures from this week:

Tada!! It's a bed mommy!!

My little boy turns 4!!

2010-11-09T22:35:00.002-05:00

I can't believe that my eldest is 4 already! How the years have flown by!

When I first got pregnant, I had started bleeding. I called my then Ob's office and was informed that they can't do anything for a miscarriage. I understood, but it was heart breaking to think that I'd be losing this little gift. I was able to go the next day, and there he was with his strong little heartbeat. My bleeding had stopped and everything would be fine.

I knew then that I wanted a natural birth, although I wasn't sure how to define that quite yet. We were moving from one base to another, and there were no birthing centers where we were going to be. At least none that weren't 2 hours away.
That defined it for me. I would be having a home birth. It was the best decision I could have ever made.

I used Hypnobabies (having made a switch over from a different program), and only had 9 days of practice with it before giving birth. Looking back at the whole process now, I find that amazing.

The night of Nov 9th I went to bed at 11pm with what I thought was braxton hicks. For weeks, I had been having horrible, irritating, restless legs (which I now know for me is caused by very low iron levels). The restless legs allowed for very little sleep at all. I was able to use my Hypnobabies cds and fall asleep quickly from being so relaxed. I woke up at 5am feeling birthing waves again, so I took a hot bath. They became even stronger, I could see my whole belly hardening with each wave. It was the coolest moment ever to lay in the bathtub realizing "Wow, this is it. Today I become a mother." I enjoy being able to wake up and find myself in my birthing time. Just me to myself, with the rest of the house asleep. It's happened that way twice, and I love it.
My mother was still in Texas and would start her journey that morning to be with me for the birth. She would arrive 4 hours before he was born.

I called my midwives and informed them, I called my family, and I had base housing maintenance come and turn up the hot water so we could fill the pool.

I woke up my husband (at 7am) and informed him that I was in labor. He drowsily acknowledged and closed his eyes, only to have them POP back open with surprise. I sent him on a couple of errands, then had him ready the pool. It sounds like a lot, but this was all spaced out.
I did my Hypnobabies and relaxed. And by 9-10am I went back upstairs, laid down on the bed and fell back asleep, all the while continuing my birthing time.
My support team arrived, my midwives arrived. I changed positions to the birthing ball, and fell back asleep with my Hypnobabies.
Time is an interesting thing, how easily it passes by without us knowing what's going on. I was in my labor land, chatting sometimes and ignoring everything and everybody during others.

At 2:30 my birthing pool was filled and I got in. It was amazing, and having now birthed without the option of being in one - I can tell you that I much prefer HAVING the option.
I hung over the edge, joked in between and focused during birthing waves. I tried to nap, but this particular one had harder edges and wasn't so comfy. I prefer the inflatable ones.

At 4:00pm back labor started. There's something called the "belly lift" technique. If you're pregnant, and you don't know what that is -learn it NOW. Don't wait. I wish I had, because for a posterior facing baby, it could have certainly helped me out!!

Back labor was certainly intense, and I'm proud of myself for having gone through it drug free. I remember looking up into my midwife's eyes. Asking "isn't there something?" and her kindly just shaking her head. I can still remember the intensity of her blue eyes. She was probably wondering if this would be a hospital transfer. I asked for an advil, but then decided no and just kept on going.
I sat backward on the toilet, which helped some. My support team rubbed my back, one person on my shoulders digging in deep, one person on my sacrum pushing hard. It was heaven, and left bruises afterward. The counterpressure was exactly what I needed.
I laid on the bed and bicycled my legs, and my midwives tried manuevers to help the little guy change positions.
At around 6pm, in walks my mom. I was later told that I visibly relaxed. Maybe I was "holding him in" until she got there. Either way, 4-5 hours later he would be born.

More in the birthing pool, on the toilet and back in bed. I was getting so tired. I threw up, and was grateful for that release. As much as I hate throwing up.
At one point probably around 9:30pm, my midwife asked me to feel myself and see if I could feel what was going on inside. I told her "I don't know, all I feel is a bubble." A bulging amniotic sac to be more precise. To know now, what I didn't know then. How far I've come.

She explained about rupturing the membranes and how that may help. I said no, and she didn't say anything else.
Then I said yes. I changed my mind. I wanted my baby out. So up onto the bed I went, and she ruptured the sac. She asked if maybe I wanted to give a practice push. Pushing with my first wasn't any fun. It felt like a means to an end. Pushing with my second, felt like heaven on earth. It felt wonderful. I wonder if that's the difference between laying on the bed, and sitting on a birthing chair.
But I was oh so very tired. I'd been at this all day, with very little sleep for weeks before this. I pushed for 53 minutes. Not to bad actually, considering I didn't really want to push at all.
It's funny now, but what was frustrating then was them encouraging me. "That's it, I see his head. Just |this| much more." Several valiant pushes later "Just |this| much further." and my reply of "YOU SAID IT WAS THAT MUCH LAST TIME!!!"

In the end, my sweet butter-milk smelling baby was born and laid on my chest, wet and cooing. The cord which was wrapped around his neck twice was no big deal for the midwife who easily held his head close to my thigh as he was born, unwrapping the cord from his neck and handing him straight to me.

This was my gateway. His pregnancy and birth opened me up to the world of Doulas, Midwives, Hypnobabies - Hypnosis for Childbirth, and all the BIRTH OPTIONS that women have if they do some research and find their voice.

And the Hypnobabies you ask? How did that work out for me? As I said above, I had 9 days of practice. I *should* have bought it the *first* time I saw it, but nothing I can do about that now. Half of my birth was completely pain free, the other half was intense and painful. If I'd had the 6 weeks of practice, who knows. But I'm happy because I was supported, loved and not pressured to do anything I didn't want to do, which means so much more to me than had I had a pain free birth and unsupportive attendants.

I've also gone through two other births using Hypnobabies. So I now come away being awestruck by the amazing techniques I learned and being able to experience completely pain free births.

My little guy at 4 years:
He can count to 39, we're working on this in increments. He can write his alphabet out, and sings ABC's/number order constantly. He *loves* to learn, which I find amazing considering I generally hated anything academic. But he really enjoys learning new things, and loves going over flash cards. He is his *father's* child. He helps me out with chores, and cares deeply for his brother and sister. He has an amazing mind and catches on quickly to things. I sometimes wonder if he has a photographic memory, he seems to recognize things easily. He taught himself the alphabet at 18 months, and never forgot it. He can work electronics like it's nothing, and does a lot of things for himself. Only wanting help after he's tried it on his own first. Which, I quickly learned that if he doesn't WANT your help and you give it anyway - it *will* cause a melt down. By all means, let the child do it for himself while you supervise. He also likes to help his siblings with things (whether or not they want his helps is another thing.)
He very much likes routine, and once it's established a certain way - will continue to do it that way no matter what. Any variation can be troubling for him.

He likes it when it's quiet, unless he's playing with his brother. But brother is a familiar type of loud. =) Being in a *new* social situation can be stressful, especially if there are tons of people he doesn't know, or if it's really loud. If I can give him an outline of what to expect, he does better. Familiar friends and places are just fine for him. He will "parallel play" with unknown children more than interacting with them.
He enjoys puzzles, interactive learning games, cars, and ESPECIALLY trains. Going over/near a train track is the highlight of his life. He knew where every single train track was when we were visiting my family, and would point them out long before we reached it. He also noticed my familiar routes home, and would tell me where to turn before we got there.

I love my little man. We have our challenges. He forces me to learn new things, try new ways of doing things, and most of all - to be the best parent I could possibly be for him.

Prayers!

2010-11-06T23:41:00.000-04:00

I've been following Kyrie's story for a little while, but never knew what caused it all. I'd like to share it from what her mother posted, and hope you'll share it too. I know they have so many people praying for them right now, let's not let that stop!

my friend called and said she was stopping by to drop my cake board off. i made her daughter's first birthday cake. she is one of my best friends. kyrie and i went outside to wait for her. she pulled in the driveway and put her car in park. she left it running because her two kids were inside. she tried to get in the trunk, but it wouldn't open. we walked down by the drivers side door, which was open. she leaned in to turn the car off and kyrie had followed her. as soon as the car shut off, it started rolling backward. the drivers door knocked kyrie under the wheel and pinned her over her chest. she wasn't breathing. i thought she was dead. my friend moved her car and i moved kyrie. she still wasn't breathing. i kept yelling at her not to die and stay with me. someone called 911. i called too, but they were already on their way. an older man came over and touched kyrie and started praying. he told me to believe in God. i told him i don't but asked him to believe enough for the both of us. then, almost miraculously, she started breathing and moving. she started crying and even tried to nurse! by that time, the ambulance arrived and took her right away. a policeman took me to the er. they put her on a vent, cath'ed her, put an ng tube in, neck brace on, iv's, and chest tube. her xrays showed only small fractures on her face. her spleen had a 2nd degree laceration that has since stopped bleeding. her lungs are bruised and one partially collapsed. her bowels were traumatized by the anoxic period she experienced. she is in critical, but stable condition. their main concern is brain damage, and as of right now it's too early to tell. although, her pupils are equal and reactive to light. if this isn't proof there is a god, i don't know what is. my 28 month old, 26 lb. baby was pinned down by an suv that rolled over her, and she is still alive. thank you all for your well wishes, thoughts, and prayers. please keep them coming, as we're not in the clear yet. and thanks to those of you who messaged me!

The latest is:

kyrie's in pain. she can't get comfortable, but she is so strong and brave. we're in the ped unit now, and will be for at least a few more days. hoping to get her moving, just a little, tomorrow. she was advanced to soft foods, and she's doing well. she will stay on that diet for the next several weeks (due to multiple fractures in her face and skull). she has a long, and painful, road to recovery. please keep her in your thoughts and prayers throughout this.

So keep up the prayers for this family. I don't know them personally, but I pray God's healing hands, and wisdom for the doctors and nurses who are caring for them. I'm sure this was a very scary experience, but I hope she walks away from it every bit the little girl she was before.

Deployment Recap

2010-11-05T20:28:00.001-04:00

Week 24:

Emotional: Today was pretty good, I had a weird crying moment that kind of came out of no where. For no good reason that I could think of. Got over that and I was back on top.

Physical: Pretty good. One problem that can come up in the life of a housewife, you get stuck in a rut of dressing for comfort. I mean you're not going anywhere, the only real person who might see you in your crappy clothes is the mail man. Because well, let's face it, my husband isn't home. WhyTF would I get dressed to impress? But today, I had to do some minor errands. I don't care if it was just the Mail Room and Target... I looked smokin' hot. Made me feel good. I wore my big, calf high, punk rock, "come eff me" boots (as DH calls them) and I looked good. All humbleness aside, looking good - makes me feel good. So I'm going to dress better more often. For my emotional health ;)

Communication: Surprise phone call on Halloween! I missed his skype call, but then he was a lovey and called again later. He was able to send me some facebook messages, but he only had a couple hours off to do that. It was good to hear from him, but he sounds beat.

What's something fun you did this week: Halloween, probably like everybody else.

What are you looking forward to next week: Taking a much needed 3 hour road trip to NJ to see a friend. After this it might be a very very long time before I see her again. I've known her for 3 years and she's just amazing.
My eldest's b-day is coming up! He'll be 4 and I just can't believe that I have a 4 year old.

What made you happy this week: Picking up birthday gifts for my little guy. I bought a cake pan that is several train shapes (essentially a muffin pan, but bigger than cupcake size). He was so excited, I can't wait to decorate them with the boys on his b-day.

What made you sad/mad this week: Being told *again* that 3 kids is enough and we shouldn't have any more.. the excuse now is "for your health". Wrote Lovey about it, but he sent such a loving response back. I hate that because my husband is away, any frustrations I have to talk to him about via e-mail. I hate sending him those kind, which I try not to at all. But he took it great. He joked back, and made me feel just so loved. Can't wait to be with him again.

What do you miss this week: okay, first off... Kim, WTH IS SNOGGING?? Secondly, I miss good internet. I'm using my mom's sprint wireless thing. Yeah, piece of crap. But it'll do for now. I might not get internet until we get where we're going.

How's the kiddos this week: We're all getting over from being sick. Still have some whiney days, but overall they're doing better.

Pictures from this week:

Baby Girl's baby blanket, only took me 2 hours.

Little man's b-day truck. Thank you walgreens

the myspace picture pose.

The other b-day gift. cars pictures dominos. they love to play it together! I love this age, where they can both play games together. It's great.

Check it Out!!

2010-11-02T10:17:00.000-04:00

I really love to bike ride. In South Carolina I rode my bike often when hubby was in school. Since moving up here and being pregnant, then having the kiddos, I found myself walking and pushing a stroller more often than riding a bike.
I MISS riding! I want to bring the kiddos with me too, but I do worry about busy streets.

Well check out this cool bike!! It's got an awesome bucket that can carry at least 2 kids. I love it. I want it. I would have to save up some money to get it, but man o man. I see that look in your eye, you want it too ;)

Deployment Recap

2010-10-29T22:47:00.001-04:00

Week 23:

Emotional: I'm so snippy lately! I was figuring out with my friend the other day "I'm pms'ing a week before my period, during my period, and for a week after my period. It would seem the only week I'm not pms'ing is the week I'm ovulating. Guess you have to be nice to get knocked up."
rofl. Good thing Lovey's not here right now, I have GOT to get myself in control of my emotions, and not be so snippy. It takes effort and to make a choice that no matter what your attitude is - to change it. My kids deserve better than a frustrated mommy. I recently hung out with a wife who has 5 kids. She's amazing. She's my new hero. I never not once see her get frustrated or yell. Her tone was always calm and caring. What's more, the entire time I hung out with her (a few hours on two different days) I never saw her kids whine. Ever. That's just amazing to me. It's inspiring. At one point her 3 year old, who likes to play a little rough, was being talked to. He slipped away afterward and came up to my kiddo and was apologizing. She had no knowledge of this and called his name. He yelled back in reply "I'm juuuust say'in sowry mama..." It was beautiful.
I know that no parent is perfect, but she is doing a fabulous job with her kids. I feel like it gives me examples of what to do better with my own. Not that I feel like I'm doing things "wrong", but I want to always strive to be a better parent.

Physical: I'm sick, baby girl is sick, kiddo 2 has been a crank (which considering we're sick, means he's probably sick).

Communication: We've figured it out, or rather the smart ass nuke figured it out. "I don't know how far you are in getting sailor mail, but I get your messages typically a day or 2 after you send them and I'm assuming with that delay, and another 2 day delay on my end, it takes roughly 3 - 5 days to get a response."

What's something fun you did this week: I PAID FOR OUR RENTAL HOUSE IN WA!!!!!!

What are you looking forward to next week: Money in the bank again. lol Paying for the rental house downed us about a whole heck of a lot (first and last months rent plus security deposit). I'm just glad we had that there and were able to do it.

What made you happy this week: Need I reiterate it? We have a place in Wa to move to. Nothing can make me happier, okay correction: my hubby being home would make me happy. =)

What made you sad/mad this week: Just more news about my dad. His logic seems to be slipping more and more, nothing we can do about it. He used the "glue" you glue tile down with, instead of grout to fill the spaces. Now that shower he worked so hard on to begin with is ruined. But does he see that? Nope. Has no idea.

What do you miss this week: What Kim said, I miss my hubby being here for the fun stuff.

How's the kiddos this week: Doing great besides the being sick. They've been able to get out of the house and spend some time with kids their age. I was proud of my eldest today. A little boy was hitting him and he said "Don't hit me, I'm a FRIEND." And War boy, ever the supportive younger brother, came up with all his brawn to back him up. It was great. "NO NO NO NO NO NO. YOU. DON'T. HIT HIM. he's a FRIEND. you PLAY NICE." Granted they were talking to a two year old, so that went over like a pregnant pole vaulter.
Either way, I *love* that they have each other for support like that. It makes me happy knowing that they'll have each other growing up.

Pictures from this week:

She found that stairs are fun. NOW I'm screwed.

The Rituals of American Hospital Birth - The Unnecesarean -

2010-10-27T12:59:00.000-04:00

The Rituals of American Hospital Birth - The Unnecesarean -

This was an amazing read. It took me awhile to read in between parenting and cooking and doing chores. But it's revealing none the less.

"boat humor" and sexist pigs

2010-10-25T00:50:00.002-04:00

On another blog I had stirred up some tussling. It's all pretty sorted out now, but this one made me laugh...

"Anonymous said...
mommymichael said...

i may not be IN the navy or a submariner. but I am a navy sub wife, and have the balls to use my real profile to post.

Well, if you're like the typical boat wife, you do have balls - or at least look like you do."

Dear anonymous:

Again, what's with the anonymous names??

Regarding balls: Don't be jealous or anything.

Also, it's nice when other sub guys stick up for the wives.

Deployment Recap

2010-10-23T20:26:00.001-04:00

Week 22

Emotional: End of my period was a couple days ago, but yet today I'm weepy and everything is setting me off like crazy.

Physical: Meh, I'm good.

Communication: Getting some but late.

What's something fun you did this week: Hmm let's see, got home from Texas on monday. And I already have my move arranged for November. =)

What are you looking forward to next week: Getting together with friends. =)

What made you happy this week: My niece's vball team won 2nd over all at their competitions this weekend!

What made you sad/mad this week: finding out that the boat has denied my husband any attempt to make a SMOOTH transition to WA. After all the hard work he puts in on that boat - they still treat him like shit. FTN. Certain people shouldn't have made it so hard on him. He should have been able to come home months ago, instead of having to ask and ask and put in a fricken LEAVE CHIT so he could finish his transfer from this command. It's ridiculous.

What do you miss this week: He wrote me an email that I got today. He keeps talking about sitting on the couch watching tv. I miss doing that. I miss burying my nose in his shoulder and wrapping my arms around him - as we're covered in our children. It's just so nice.

How's the kiddos this week:
Pretty good. War boy has been a little brat, testing his ever lovin' limits like nothing else.

Deployment Recap

2010-10-18T21:53:00.000-04:00

Week 21:
Emotional: Pretty great. Excited to be home and have things to do.
Physical: Not a whole lot going on in this area.
Communication: Emails every day. I'm also on email 100 of being sent to him. =)

What's something fun you did this week: I just accomplished ANOTHER road trip. From Texas to CT. Took us about 4 days. Me, my mom, 3 kids, 2 dogs and towing the trailer. I must be insane, but I had a blast. I love road trips. Can't wait to take the one to washington.

What are you looking forward to next week: Just decorating the house and getting everything set up with personal property for our move.

What made you happy this week: WE HAVE RENTERS FOR OUR HOUSE!!!!!
What made you sad/mad this week: The fricken boat STILL hasn't let my hubby come home. Even though he's got orders. Why am I not surprised? selfish bastards. They PUSHED him to go for this billet, and now they're saying "are you suuuuuure you actually want it??" it would be the WORST career move ever for him to suddenly turn down these orders.
What do you miss this week: Being home without nate makes this house seem so empty.

How's the kiddos this week: they've been great. they did SOO well on this car trip.

I suspected

2010-10-14T22:27:00.000-04:00

My mother brought up today that she noticed my dad seems to be viewing me as my mother - when she was younger. Maybe in his mind we look similar.

I suspected this as well, but didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to upset my mom (that my dad's condition seems to be worsening - complete denial of this fact.)

But he's been calling me "honey" lately. Which he never used to do.

It's a really odd feeling. Knowing that you look so much like someone, that in their mind which is already in a degraded state, you are someone that you're not.

I miss my dad.

Healthy Eating Habits

2010-10-12T23:49:00.001-04:00

I've neglected to mention, that since being down in Texas - I have started making more organically minded meal choices. Making most meals fresh, and not from a box. Any meals from a box, I've actually read the back to check the ingredients. I didn't used to do this. My main goal was dinner on the table, not what I was actually putting into my body. I now make sure that any "kid" friendly cereals are gluten free. The kids love them, and I at least know it's a healthier option. But I've also noticed that they're eating and liking my yummy cereal. It's called Ezekial 4:9.

Since I've started cooking using more fresh veggies, organic meats and all around healthier options, I've noticed a big change - mostly in my eldest. He used to act shut up in a box. He'd open up a little for people he knew. But if things became too much or too intense, he'd hide away again. I still see that from time to time when things are really loud.

Now... I see him laugh for no reason. He finds something funny and he just laughs hysterically. As my mom has said, "He's found his giggle box." He just really seems to have come out of himself. And here's the biggy...

HE'S INTRODUCING HIMSELF TO PEOPLE!

That's like... major for me. He used to shy away and avert his eyes. He still looks away with his eyes. Can't hold the stare. But he says "Hi! Nice to meet you!" and will shake their hand. He did this at a volleyball game. I didn't even prompt it.

It was nothing short of amazing for me.

I haven't seen a change in his sing song voice, but honestly I don't care. He's opening up more, that's all that matters to me.

So here is some of my reasoning for changing the way we eat:

I'm TIRED of chemicals. The USDA estimates some 20% of our fruits and vegetables are imported. Only 1-2% of these are inspected for pesticide residues. There is a LOT of shit in/on our food these days. And you have to really look at what you're buying. Look for packaging that has an "organic" seal on it.

Organic food is produced by farmers who emphasize the use of renewable resources and the conservation of soil and water to enhance environmental quality for future generations. Organic meat, poultry, eggs, and dairy products come from animals that are given no antibiotics or growth hormones. Organic food is produced without using most conventional pesticides; petroleum- based fertilizers or sewage sludge-based fertilizers; bio-engineering; or ionizing radiation. Before a product can be labeled "organic," a Government-approved certifier inspects the farm where the food is grown to make sure the farmer is following the rules necessary to meet USDA organic standards. Companies that handle or process organic food before it gets to your local supermarket or restaurant must be certified, too.

Let's read that again... "Organic food is produced without using most conventional pesticides; petroleum- based fertilizers or sewage sludge-based fertilizers; bio-engineering; or ionizing radiation."

If organic food is produced WITHOUT those things, that means there is food that is created WITH IT. Disgusting right?

Many of the chemicals now in use were approved by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in the U.S. long before extensive research had been done linking them to cancer. It is now estimated that 60% of all herbicides, 90% of all fungicides and 30% of all pesticides are carcinogenic. *credit* Now, for the first time, because of a new federal law, every chemical in use and proposed will be tested to determine whether organ damage, birth defects, miscarriages, sterility, endocrine system problems and other risks are associated with each chemical. The latest studies show unequivocally that it's safer to eat organic foods than ones produced using chemical pesticides.

Not only just produce contains chemicals. You have to watch out for packaging.
In comes BPA:

BPA has been used for nearly 50 years and has been suspected of being hazardous since the 1930s. According to numerous studies from the Environmental Working Group “trace BPA exposure been shown to disrupt the endocrine system and trigger a wide variety of disorders, including chromosomal and reproductive system abnormalities, impaired brain and neurological functions, cancer, cardiovascular system damage, adult-onset diabetes, early puberty, obesity and resistance to chemotherapy.” Put a little more simply, risks include prostate and breast cancer, higher rates of miscarriage, immune system dysfunction, testicular abnormalities in boys and puberty in girls younger than eight years old.

The heated debate still goes on over BPA, but when it comes to my family I would rather be safe than sorry.

The latest I've heard was about canned goods (the epoxy resin is what contains BPA.) containing BPA NOT just plastics. This means canned veggies, soups, tuna, soft drinks and infant formula. Anything in a can really. In fact, we are in far more danger of BPA leaching into our food from these cans than we are from plastic bottles. And what canned good has the highest amount of BPA in it? Infant formula.
According to the Environmental Working Group:

“the amount of BPA ingested by some bottle-fed infants exceeds the doses that caused serious adverse effects in animal studies.”

Isn’t that just peachy? Another reason to breastfeed, but for all those mothers out there who can't - that SUCKS.
Other top contaminated canned foods were chicken soups and raviolis. It is also a good idea to learn which types of plastics you should avoid. This will help when picking out anything from baby bottles to toys to plastic food storage containers. Plastics are labeled with a number between 1 through 7. Plastics labeled with the number 7 and a “PC” are made of polycarbonate and contain BPA. You also want to avoid number 3 (PVC-polyvinyl chloride) and number 6 (PS-polystyrene), not for BPA issues but other toxin concerns. PVC plastics contain phthalates and the styrene in polystyrene plastics is toxic to the brain and nervous system. For more detailed information on which plastics to avoid, check out this Smart Plastics Guide: Healthier Food Uses of Plastics.

I worry about the meat we eat.

I want to protect them from the pesticides and hormones that regular store bought meat contains.

Animals raised organically are not allowed to be fed antibiotics, the bovine human growth hormone (rbGH), or other artificial drugs. Animals are also not allowed to eat genetically modified foods. Animal products certified as organic can not have their genes modified.

The FDA banned the feeding of cattle brain and spinal tissue to cattle in 1997, and have publicly stated that they will ban blood, poultry litter, and human food wastes, but they still allow the following materials to be fed to non-organic cattle:

Gelatin (rendered from the hooves of cattle and other species
Fats, oils, grease, and tallow (from cattle and other species)
Poultry and poultry by-products
Rendered pork protein
Rendered horse protein

None of the items listed above may be fed to organic cattle or other organic livestock.

Organic Animals aren’t forced to be cannibals
The practice of feeding cattle the ground up remains of their same species appears to cause bovine spongiform encephalopathy, a horrific disease that destroys the central nervous system and brain, can be given to humans who eat the cows. The disease in humans has a very long latency period, and is called Creutzfeld-Jakob disease.

Google Alert

2010-10-11T14:04:00.000-04:00

I have Google Alerts set up for key phrase words. One undoubtedly being "Hypnobabies".

I found this website today via my google alert and wanted to share some points from it. You can find the original here. My notes in parenthesis.

So let me explain how hypnotherapy helps mother and baby, making the job easier for attending midwives and ultimately reducing complications and subsequent costs. (This right here should be one reason Doctors and Midwives should be more interested in suggesting Hypnosis for Birth to their clients.) Dr Dick-Read rejected the need for pain relieving drugs during childbirth on the grounds that pain was principally a product of preconceived fear and tension. He called it the ‘fear-tension-pain’ syndrome and believed that women who were properly prepared could control labor pain themselves without having to resort to medication. (I find this often as well. Not just in regards to Hypnosis for Birth, but birth education in general. An educated mother is an empowered one. If you have no knowledge of your choices... then you don't have any.)

Our innate fear of childbirth is a belief derived from cultural conditioning. There are non-westernized cultures where it is considered normal for babies to be delivered without pain. But, for us, the term ‘labor’ automatically conjures up thoughts of pain and struggle. and we relate hospitals to sickness and death, not life.
So, two evocative negative images already exist deep within our psyche, in the subconscious, where thoughts and beliefs gathered through a lifetime are deeply embedded. It is this part of the mind where hypnosis does its work and where hypnotherapy can begin to transform the birth experience by dislodging negative conditioning.

Contrary to popular belief and a mystique cultivated by stage performers, hypnosis is no more extraordinary an experience than day-dreaming. It is a trance-like state between waking and sleeping which we frequently go into quite naturally during the course of a day. (ie: Watching TV, riding an elevator, driving a car, being bored by someone or something.) What is exceptional about hypnosis is that it enables us to access the subconscious part of our brain and change our way of thinking through imagery and suggestion.

We cannot consciously ‘unthink’ long held beliefs any more than we can learn not to read any more. We cannot, through sheer force of willpower, decide not to feel pain. But hypnosis enables us to overcome fears and focus our attention away from pain to a degree that makes it possible to block it out completely.

This is powerful stuff so it’s worth stating loudly that no-one can be hypnotized against their will or be forced whilst under hypnosis to behave or think in a way they do not wish to. the act of becoming hypnotized is, in effect, self-hypnosis, whether induced by a therapist, by listening to a CD or simply by relaxing and using well-practiced techniques. This alone reduces tension and creates a feeling of well-being and calm.

Ante-natal hypnotherapy sessions enable pregnant women to fine tune this natural ability. with the guidance of a clinician, anyone can learn to use what is described as the ‘hypnoreflexogenous protocol’ to create a ‘conditioned reflex’. Put simply, it is possible through hypnosis to prepare emotionally to remain in control of and respond confidently to the physical process of childbirth. So, women giving birth can overcome the ‘fear-tension-pain’ syndrome using self hypnosis to achieve the best possible outcome in their given circumstances. there are even examples of cesarean sections being carried out using hypnosis alone as anesthetic. But this is at the extreme end of the spectrum of uses of hypnosis because of the degree of preparation required for a patient to undergo any kind of surgery in this manner.

All you have to do is Google ‘HypnoBirthing’ or ‘hypnosis and childbirth’ and you will find numerous clinical studies revealing to varying degrees, but nonetheless quite staggering, statistical success stories. Time after time you will find evidence of considerably shorter labors, particularly for primi-gravid women, with the first stage reduced by three hours or more. Typically, twice as many women using hypnosis require no pain medication and the majority delivery spontaneously without any surgical intervention. Interestingly, though perhaps not surprisingly, higher Apgar scores are recorded for ‘hypnobabies’. (Born alert, and looking into your eyes!! A drug-free baby is an alert baby.)

What is clear from research findings is that hypnosis is a safe and effective way to decrease the perception of pain whilst increasing your ability to manage the sensations of labour. With plenty of practice, it is possible for some women to use self hypnosis to eliminate pain completely and experience only pressure during contractions. (my note: MANY Hypnobabies mothers perceive their births in this way with only the 6 week class behind them!) while not all of us can achieve this, we are all capable of decreasing our perception of pain and increasing our coping skills. When tense, anxious or frightened, our bodies create a ‘fight or flight’ response.
Animal research shows that, if threatened by predators, mammals will flood their bodies with ‘fight or flight’ chemicals to stop labour so they can get themselves and their babies to safety. This was also demonstrated during the Blitz when it was noted that women in labour would stop when air raid sirens went off only to start again after the raid was over. In a normal environment, the ‘fear-tension-pain’ syndrome can create the same response, leading to prolonged labour, greater foetal distress and lower Apgar scores.

Conversely, self hypnosis creates a state of deep relaxation whilst fully aware, totally relaxed and in control. (The idea that moms who use self-hypnosis are unaware, and not "apart" of their baby's birth is completely false. Mom's who have used Hypnosis instead of drugs have said they have felt *more* aware and *more* apart of their baby's birth, than a previous birth using an epidural.) It generates feel-good endorphins, making it possible to maintain energy levels throughout the physically demanding process of childbirth. and the benefits don’t stop there. Research reveals that mothers who deliver under hypnosis overwhelmingly report positive feedback on the whole experience. Complications are fewer and more pregnancies go to full-term. Partners are more engaged as they are involved in maintaining the right conditions for hypnosis to do its work and they do not have to experience seeing the mother of their child in extreme distress. Postpartum, these mums recover more quickly and are less susceptible to post natal depression.

Given all this evidence, it is my passionate belief that all parents-to-be should at least be made aware of the incredible power of hypnotherapy and have the opportunity to experience the advantages for themselves.

Look up Hypnobabies Hypnosis for Childbirth TODAY. http://www.hypnobabies.com Don't wait. The benefits go far beyond just for birth. Pregnant moms find the relaxation they find when listening to the scripts during pregnancy alone is worth it's weight!
What's excellent about Hypnobabies is the well rounded program. We don't want our moms to have to go multiple places to learn everything. It's all included in your 6 week class. Information on nutrition and exercise. Ways your birth partner can help you during pregnancy and birth. Hospital consumer information and how to make empowered birth choices regardless of circumstances. I've had that unplanned hospital experience, but I can credit Hypnobabies for teaching me my options so that I could make excellent choices regarding MY and my baby's care.
Not to mention learning excellent Hypnotic tools that will help make your baby's birth an enjoyable one.

Deployment Recap

2010-10-09T21:44:00.002-04:00

Week 20!! Holy crap.
i can't help but think of this in terms of pregnancy, with it being half done. lol

Emotional: Getting excited about the trip home. When I first decided it was time to go, I loathed the thought of packing up 3 kids, 2 dogs and another uhaul to come back. But now, I'm really excited and can't wait to make the trip. To see friends again and possibly decorate the house for fall. Just because I want my hubby to come home to something HOMEY. =)

Physical: It's so frustrating. It feels so difficult to get this weight off!

Communication: This past week with him in port was sort of nice. Was able to talk to him when skype allowed. Signed up for ooVoo and am going to try that out. I hear it's better than skype.

What's something fun you did this week: Took the kids to a park. They have a train that runs on a track. The boys of course just about died. They loved it, and wanted to ride again. We'll be going back tomorrow to take pictures of all the great grand kids with my grandma.

What are you looking forward to next week: Well, originally I was planning on leaving on the 8th. Had to push that date back to the 15th. But I'm definitely leaving them. Come hell or high water.

What made you happy this week: hmmmm, nothing in particular.

What made you sad/mad this week: He wasn't able to come home this port like he hoped. Thanks for screwing him over once again. Can't wait to leave this boat.

What do you miss this week: Little girl keeps pulling herself up to stand, and he's missing out on it. I also miss the house. Just a tad bit. =)

How's the kiddos this week: They're doing well. Baby girl has lost some of her chunk just from all the crawling around. The boys are being exceptionally cute, which is always nice.

Pictures from this week:

Papaw playing with the kiddos

One of my besties from high school.

The rest are from the train ride today at the park.

holding hands on their own accord!!

The Cast Aways - Week 1

2010-10-08T10:32:00.000-04:00

I had so many issues with this book that I’m not even sure where to begin.... So I'm just going to follow Briana's outline. lol We've been given 8 truly flawed characters, so I wonder how they will all be redeemed. Right now I just feel like I grabbed the wrong book off the shelf to read. lol

1. What was your 1st impression of each of the characters?

-Chief- Definitely quiet, loves his wife, probably the only character I'm really loving.

-Andrea- I agree with the Mom of the group observation. More motherly than peer.

-Jeffrey- Seems like the sensible dad, bored in his marriage.

-Delilah- She seems like a fun mom, but gives away to their whims without thinking about what they really need.

-Addison- Involved with Tess, but that street goes both ways..

-Phoebe- Having a rough life with the loss of her brother. I can't even imagine.

2. Have you ever lost a close friend? ( You can elaborate on this one or not.. completely up to you!)
I haven't.

3. Affairs- if you knew one of your friends or their spouse was having an affair would you confront them, tell your friend or their spouse, OR keep it to yourself? Explain.

In a heartbeat.

4. Do you have a group of friends you hang out with all the time? What kind of things do you do?

I don't have a group of friends, but I have close friends dotted around the country thanks to the navy.

5. What do you think happened to Greg and Tess? (I will be including this question every week.. to see how your answer changes as you read)

Maybe Greg found out about the affair? Maybe he was drinking too much?

And of course what do you think of the book so far???

Okay, so this part is hard to answer without blowing away the rest of the book too...

Deployment Recap

2010-10-02T23:08:00.001-04:00

Week 19:

Emotional: Just ready to be home mostly. Hormones are all in check thankfully. lol

Physical: Pretty good. Still keeping up with the walking/running.

Communication: Emails! AND He got orders!!!

What's something fun you did this week: Took my niece to a college volleyball game.

What are you looking forward to next week: Going home!

What made you happy this week: That he got orders. lol

What made you sad/mad this week: His orders say he detaches in November, and he has to be at the next duty station by December. Not much time to be together. =(

What do you miss this week: Little girl is moving around like crazy and trying to practice standing. I'm sad that Nate's missing out on so much. She'll be 1 in just 4 short months. A lot happens in between all that time.

How's the kiddos this week: War boy was a crank today, and baby girl is teething again. Still trying to push those toofers out, nothing has cut through yet though. Still have a long road ahead. Poor baby, you just know that's got to be painful.
I'm also babysitting my niece and nephew this week. Me and five kids (mine plus 2). I love that whenever I have them with me, where ever I go, I see people counting how many kids I have. =) lol

Pictures from this week:

My goofy dad

The kids at the zoo (plus a little friend on the right). This zoo was so worthless. The best part was feeding the goats. You know it's got to suck, if feeding the goats was fun.

A orphaned deer that was turned loose. Still comes up every day for food with it's wild deer buddies. Willem is in love with all the animals here.

My niece and I at the college volleyball game.

Point - Texas. They lost over all, but whatever. She got to see their techniques.

I really love co-sleeping. Even when they're teething. Because there is just nothing like having a sweet babe sleeping on your chest.

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2010-09-29T23:10:00.001-04:00

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Texas Style

2010-09-27T22:20:00.000-04:00

I'll be ending my Texas family vacation soon. I have grown up here, romping around in the woods that surround this property. Dodging the cactus, and looking out for rattlers.
But one thing I have never done, is eaten Prickly Pears, or Prickly Pear Jelly. For those who don't know, a Prickly Pear is the fruit of a cactus.

I decided that I might as well do it while I'm done here. The cactus fruit is ripe and beautiful. Although, I wouldn't be lying if I said I wasn't eager to go picking it. My dad surprised me with about 2lbs of fresh picked prickly pears!

Here's how I made the Jelly.

First you have to take off those blasted needles. The way I know of is to burn them off.

Of course, that's an extra step, and I planned on peeling them anyway. So I just donned leather gloves and had at it.

You'll want to wear gloves either way (preferably rubber if you have any) because as you can see, the juice can stain.

I used only a 1lb of fruit.

Next I peeled them, and rinsed them off to be sure I got all the needles.

Then quarter them. I just learned tonight though, that you actually don't have to peel them. Just slice them in half and you're good to go. Talk about late notice, but now you know for the future. Depending on which recipe you read -- they each say something different.

Stick them in a pot, with just enough water that you can see through the fruit to. The recipe I found said to boil it for an hour. Then I found another just now that said for only 10 minutes.

Either way, you'll need at least 2-4 cups of the juice.

TO BE CONTINUED:

Deployment Recap

2010-09-24T12:24:00.000-04:00

Week 18

Emotional: This week was the emotional week from HELL. And it wasn't even me!!! My mom has a lot going on here at home. So when I mentioned going home to CT, literally... all hell broke loose for a good 3 days. None of it was me though!

Physical: Good. Feel sore, but a good sore. I bought those "booty toning" shoes by reebok. I've felt a major difference, my legs are sore from just constantly wearing them when walking around places. As in "sore from working out." Apparently, they work. I love them. They're super comfortable. My sister says I look slimmer, but I haven't lost any weight. My pants do fit different, so maybe it's just fat/muscle exchange? Who flippin' knows. It could also be just my birthing hips going back to normal.

Communication: Yay e-mails!

What's something fun you did this week: Well today I had to my niece's v-ball tournament. I'm very excited to be cheering her on.

What are you looking forward to next week: BONUS!!!!!

What made you happy this week: Nate's PTS form was approved!!! That bloody piece of paper was the ONE THING keeping these orders from arriving. We're possibly looking at maybe the next two weeks as his "come home" time! Which would mean, "end of deployment" for us.. But it would also mean him heading to WA. I'm not too sure how soon I'd be able to join him out there though.
Also, I bought DVD players for the car. That was a WELL MADE purchase. Let me tell you. Not that I don't love to hear my kids, but the back seat has been deliciously peaceful. ;) lol

What made you sad/mad this week: The emotional week from hell! lol

What do you miss this week: The Office has started. So essentially what Briana said... arguing over the fact that Grey's Anatomy cuts off the end of his show. lol

How's the Kiddos this week: Good as usual. It's been raining a lot here because of hurricanes, so they've been pretty much stuck inside unless we head somewhere.

2010-09-19T16:59:00.000-04:00

Emotional: Doing pretty good actually. I much prefer him being out to sea. Although, I'm pretty ready to go back to CT. I just don't see that as a possibility. A couple of my close friends though have started a "campaign" as they've said to "Bring Michael Home" lol I really love them for this. I've missed them so much, but facebook, texting, emails, gmail chat and skype have done loads for keeping up communication.

Physical: Okay, this may not matter to really anyone other than me.. but I got my period FINALLY after being 16 days late.

Communication: 1 email. Apparently because of the chief games and such he's had to be support. Which takes up email writing time.

What's something fun you did this week: I've been practicing a lot of volleyball with my niece. And jogging/walking a lot. The rain is trying to keep me from doing it, but mwahaha.

What are you looking forward to next week: hoping that nate get his orders. Oh and my little girl turns 8 months in 2 days! 8 months people!!!

What made you happy this week: I forget, did I mention that Trillian started crawling??

What made you sad/mad this week: having to go to my niece's school to talk to her principal about bullies. and next week it will be the principal, athletic director and coach.

What do you miss this week: being home really.

How's the kiddos this week: They're doing great. Lots of running around and going "crazy go nuts" like daddy says they do.

Pictures from this week: nah...

Your Insurance May Cover a Doula

2010-09-13T21:30:00.001-04:00

I've posted before about the benefits of having a doula.
But sometimes their prices can be a bit out of your budget. That's understandable. But did you know that your insurance carrier may cover the full or part of the price? I'd say it's worth it then!

Bellies and Babies, who is a Childbirth Educator, Doula, and Apprentice Midwife recently shared a post from someone who shared a post about just that. (Like the game telephone, except no screw ups.)

There is a great post on BirthSource.com about Third Party Reimbursement for Doulas aka Insurance pays the Doula's Fees.

Over twenty insurance companies have begun paying for doula services and, now that there is a CPT code covering doula services, this is more of a possibility than ever before. (CPT stands for Current Procedural Terminology, and is a copyright of the American Medical Association.) The CPT code commonly used to claim doula services is 99499 for Evaluation and Management Services/Labor Support.

The fact that their insurance company might reimburse at least some portion of the fee for your services might make you attractive to a group of potential clients who might not have been interested before. Getting reimbursement for doula services requires patience and persistence, but it can be done. If you are going to offer this as a possibility for your clients, you will also need to be willing to offer some guidance and, most likely, a fair amount of support, as they attempt to get reimbursed.

The following is a partial list of insurance companies have reimbursed in whole or in part for doula services:

Aetna Healthcare
AltPro
Baylor Health Care System/WEB TPA
Blue Cross/Blue Shield
Blue Cross/ Blue Shield PPO
Cigna
Degussa, a German Chemical Company
Elmcare, LLC, C/O North American Medical Management
Foundation for Medical Care
Fortis Insurance
Glencare Managed Health Inc.
Great-West Life & Annuity Ins. Co.
HNTB (Peoria, IL)
Houston New England Financial, Employee Benefits (Fort Scott, KS)
Humana Employers Health
Lutheran General Physician's Organization
Maritime Life
Medical Mutual
Oschner HMO, Louisiana
Professional Benefits Administrators
Prudential Healthcare
Qualchoice
Summit Management Services, Inc
Travelers
United HealthCare of Georgia (San Antonio, TX)
United Health POS
Wausau Benefits, Inc
Thanks so much for April Kline for putting the list together.

How to Request Insurance Reimbursement for Doula Services
___     Pay your doula in full.
___     Get an invoice from her which includes the following information:
a. The doula's name and address
b. Her social security number/taxpayer ID number or NPI number
c. The date and location services were provided
d. The CPT code for the services provided
e. A diagnosis code
f. The doula's signature
___     Submit the invoice with a claim form to your insurance company.
___     Within four weeks, expect a letter telling you either that
a. They need more information before they can process your claim.
b. This is not a covered expense.
___     Ask your Doula to send you the following:
a. A copy of her certification (if she is certified)
b. Other credentials or relevant training
c. A letter detailing her training and experience and what she did for you
___     If possible, ask your obstetrician or midwife for a letter explaining why a doula helped you, was necessary, or saved the insurance company money. (Did you have a high-risk pregnancy? Did the doula's suggestions appear to prevent complications or help your labor to progress more quickly? Did the doula's presence decrease your need for expensive pain medications?)
___     Write a letter explaining why you felt the need for a doula and how you believe the doula was beneficial to your health.
___     Submit to your insurance company: the doula's letter and credentials the letter from the doctor your cover letter
___     If they refuse it, write a letter to Health Services requesting that they review the claim, as you feel it was a cost-cutting measure and they should cover the cost.
___     Follow up by telephone if necessary.
___      If they refuse, write a letter to the CEO explaining why you feel that doula care should be a covered expense. They may not pay your claim, but they will consider it for the future. (Kelli Way, ICCE, CD(DONA) 1998.

Today

2010-09-11T23:46:00.000-04:00

First off, today is September 11th. I think that is obvious by now considering how late I'm writing this..
Please remember the victims, survivors, families, workers and volunteers from that horrible day. I was just a sophomore in highschool when it happened, we sat around for hours watching the TV.
Please remember, and send a prayer for the families who have had to live without their loved ones.

Secondly, It's week 16 of the deployment. But instead of writing out a recap I need to vent about family here. Let's start with the good....

We started today with a picture shoot. I'll put up photos tomorrow, they're still all on the card.
It wasn't too bad. We headed down to the river to use it as a backdrop. Had some fun and mostly focused on the kiddos. From there we headed to what is called The Old Mill. They have train cars, and an old caboose sitting outside their building (which is alongside a railroad track). The kids enjoyed climbing about and seeing the train up close.
Roan mentioned, "Thomas and Percy don't talk!" I looked at my brother and said "OHHhhhhh That must have been really disappointing for him to learn that trains don't really talk." lol
He didn't dwell on it too long because a train came barreling by laying on it's horn. That scared the bejeezus out of him. He's not a child who enjoys loud noises. My mom informed me that I was exactly the same way. If there was a lot of noise, or commotion -- even from a crowd of kids -- I would be overwhelmed.

So we took our pictures, headed to the store, then headed home.
begin Rant.

At SOME POINT while we were home my dad and grandma got into another tizzy. Except this time my mom just couldn't handle it emotionally and she took off. For those who know my mom, this is a shocking thing.

My grandma has been sick for the past few weeks. She had precursor to pneumonia. Not a new thing considering she smoked most of her life, she's had pneumonia often. On TOP of that she's 88 and getting more and more confused over the incredibly little things. Like thinking my mom is napping when in actuality she's at work and my grandma should know this.
My dad (thanks to his cognitive impairment) has issues with forgetting to be tactful or how to talk gentle. For the most part we handle this as it comes, Grandma... of course takes it personally. She's also incredibly bitter (grandpa left her with nothing), dramatic (that's where I get it) and moody (who isn't?) old woman. A mix that does NOT help on a day to day basis. (I came to texas why? Oh yeah, I supposedly "missed this" - I miss my mother most though)

Well today's blow up: My mom had told her to sit down and she'd get her coffee and medicine. She didn't hear, so my dad repeated.
It's hard to convey using just typed words without the tone behind it. He wasn't trying to be mean. He was trying to help. It came out as saying "Sit down and she'll get it." (grandma is going deaf -- hardcore) he repeats. "JUST SIT DOWN AND SHE'LL GET IT." Grandma gets pissed, grabs her coffee and as she's walking past my mom says something in an incredibly bitchy tone. Something like "I'm just in the way!! I'm always in the way and I'll get OUT of your way just as SOON AS I CAN!"
She tried that once with me, but I don't take her bs. I said "okay" and walked off.

Frankly my dear I don't give a damn.

Here's the deal.

Grandma's had three marriages, her 2nd husband beat her. Grandma grew up in a family where she wasn't viewed as the "pretty one". Grandma views children as though they should be seen and not heard. Grandma had to deal with two kids as a single parent until she married Grandpa. Grandpa died of cancer in his 70's. Grandpa left NO money to Grandma. Grandma is a bitter old woman who moved in with us when I was on the verge of being a teenager. She subsequently made my teenage years hell because she was a real bitch to me. This made my mother's life harder trying to be the peace keeper between us. Grandma has always CHOSEN to act like she acts. My mom at one time acted like her, then chose different. My mom is the sweetest, most caring, sweet hearted person I know. To anyone and everyone. Her life is hard right now, but even so -- she doesn't take it out on other people.

Which leads to today, mom trying to be the peace keeper still, except now it's between her husband and her mother.

My dad has ALWAYS been good to my grandma. But now he has (with his cognitive impairment - similar to dementia/alzheimers) and has days that he acts like an utter child. My mom is losing her husband in what has to be the hardest way. Instead of him going up to grandma's room and saying sorry (for her being a pain in the ass?), he just about threw a temper tantrum instead.

But around here, we can't talk about dad's cognitive impairment. Deny Deny Deny. Mom does talk about it as a way to excuse dad's behavior or explain it to grandma. But confrontation to dad about it is off limits.

So to grandma we say "He's losing his mind, you need to chill out and remember he's not how he used to be."

And to dad we say "She's old and she's losing her mind. You need to remember that how you speak to her she is going to take personally. We're all used to how you talk (total lie, sometimes it shocks us), but Grandma isn't."
He replies "Well, she's really moody!"
I say "Yes!! She is!!! She's OLD, and bitter and.... and... OLD. You have to remember to talk gentle to her, and sometimes no matter WHAT you say she's going to take offense to it."
I love my parents. They taught me to have a voice, to have an opinion. Might bite them in the arse some days though. Like today, I jokingly said to dad as mom was driving off "Gee dad, what did you do?" He said "It was HER fault." (poor mom. not true, but this was the child in dad. shift the blame.)
I turned around and said "Don't make me yell at you, because I will."
He said to go ahead and yell. Lmao. To which I did. I said he needed to make it up to mom this week. He didn't understand what that meant. I said "how about finishing the bathroom. sending her flowers to work. talking to her and letting her know that you care about how she feels!!!
This cognitive impairment has taken a romantic and emotionally CARING man and turned him to dirt. There are some days that he goes above and beyond, but these days it's more about the reaction he'll get. "Oh dad, you're so awesome, that was really smart of you to do that. How cool!!" (like a kid) Less about "I did it because I love you."

Well, my mom just couldn't handle it. She's on the verge of an emotional breakdown. She's losing her husband, she's losing her mother and she's left to literally hold the shattered pieces together - by herself.

I'm here now, and even I'm going nuts. But mainly that's because I've got the kids with me. Because of dad and grandma I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. If I didn't have an argument here and there, it's almost like they wouldn't be allowed to be JUST kids. Which is really frustrating to me. "He's climbing on this/that." "They're doing this/that."

I'm ready to go home, and mom knows that. So she blames Grandma for my screwed up teenage years (lots of arguments in this house. Really, it would have been easier had grandma NOT been here.) Now blames Grandma for me wanting to go home. Granted, Grandma is part of the reason. lol (poor bitter grandma)
Grandma stalks around this place acting ready to die and saying things like "Well, God knows why HE makes people LIVE this LONG..." :snarl snarl snarl: Which you can understand how that makes my mom feel.
I whipped around one day and snapped at grandma (because honestly I don't take her crap like I had to when I was in highschool).
I said "YOU need to STOP talking like that. You are being selfish and not realizing how hearing things like that makes your DAUGHTER feel."
Then I walked off. She told me later that I was right and she'd stop. Of course, she's 88 so she forgot that she said she'd stop.

UGH. Anyway. To repeat myself... Mom ran off. She has *never* done this for as long as I can remember. She sticks around and sticks it out. Picking up the pieces and calming people down.
But today she ran. I'm not sure where she went, but she said she'd be back tomorrow. We've texted and I know she's fine. Probably at a hotel in town (although she said she was out of town - I know she wouldn't go that far.)
It was sad, she was crying.. but it was funny because she kept forgetting things and having to come back in the house. The last time she came in she said "Well, this is a very awkward running away." And we both giggled.
I love my mom and I'm proud she ran. About fricken damn time!!

LOVE

2010-09-09T13:14:00.000-04:00

Teething

2010-09-08T20:57:00.009-04:00

Oh how I HATE the teething phase. Roan was a horrible teether. His teeth came in late, and by 3 months he was working on his molars. They all decided to come in two at a time. He would sit there in bed at night with us and just cry and cry. I kept all the medicine on hand right by our bed.

Willem wasn't too bad actually, not even with the molars or the canines which were the hard ones for Roan. So thankfully, his teething phase went by with mere fussiness and night time wakings that would last long enough for me to apply orajel and him to pass back out.

Now we have Trillian. She's been gumming things for weeks and weeks now. Not too much slobber, but MAN o MAN. Cranky as all get out.
I use infant Tylenol when I can tell it's just REALLY bad.

and Hylands homeopathic (dissolving) teething tablets

Camilia teething drops (which I just found out about this year) They seem pretty fast acting, so I'm loving them for her.

I just found Humphrey's today. They have two types of tablets, and this nifty dissolving "swift strips"

So I bought them to try them out too.The strips remind me of those breath fresheners. She was really fussy when I got back home, so I opened up the package to give her one. It's super small (compared to the breath fresheners), and dissolved really fast. It seemed within 5-10 minutes she was happy and smiling again!

My poor sweet girl.

It's things like this that just break your heart. Don't worry, it's not a long video. I gave her the binkie to chomp on since my nipple had had enough of being gummed to death. (Sorry for the quality, taken with my phone)

And this is TOTALLY a "Willem" look. She just couldn't believe I would take pictures of her while she was so upset. Had to document this for daddy, since he seems to miss out on all the "fun".

Cross Post!

2010-09-08T12:31:00.000-04:00

I -love- Momotics
More correctly, I love Danielle who is the the awesome bloggess who started Momotics.

She is SUCH an inspiration in my "birth world". She started the Worst to First 2010 Campaign. For those who don't know, Connecticut currently holds a cesarean section rate of 34.6% which is higher than the national average of 31.8% as of 2007. Her goal is to help re-educate providers and hospital staff with evidence based care as per The World Health Organization.What is SO AMAZING about Danielle is her hard work to track down all the hospital statistics for Connecticut.
Not only that but she's big in the ICAN network here, and just an all around huge support in the birthing community.
She's also expecting her third baby, and will hopefully achieve her VBA2C (vaginal birth after two cesareans).
This is a HUGE deal because ACOG just reversed their VBAC practice guidelines, which included a statement on women with two previous cesarean deliveries.

In keeping with past recommendations, most women with one previous cesarean delivery with a low-transverse incision are candidates for and should be counseled about VBAC and offered a TOLAC. In addition, “The College guidelines now clearly say that women with two previous low-transverse cesarean incisions, women carrying twins, and women with an unknown type of uterine scar are considered appropriate candidates for a TOLAC,” said Jeffrey L. Ecker, MD, from Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston and immediate past vice chair of the Committee on Practice Bulletins-Obstetrics who co-wrote the document with William A. Grobman, MD, from Northwestern University in Chicago.

but OB's are slow to jump on the band wagon. Frustrating, because they were so quick to jump on when the VBAC ban fell into place. It led to women fighting for a VBAC either in the hospital, running to a home birth midwife or succumbing to another c-section. A VBA2C being almost unheard of!
So stay tuned to Momotics, and follow Danielle through her pregnancy. Root her on, give her some positive love and encouragement. This is a long road ahead of her!
You can also follow her on twitter. @BirthBabiesBlog

SO, the POINT of my post today... As you can see, I am very excited... We had talked awhile back about doing some sort of post, or interview. I finally got my butt in gear. I'm HONORED to be able to do a guest post on her blog.
So go read and enjoy!

And as always, if you'd like more info about Hypnobabies Hypnosis for Childbirth, go check out http://www.Hypnobabies.com

River Fun

2010-09-07T23:14:00.001-04:00

Being home with family is always an enjoyable time. Granted, I'm ready for my husband to be home so that we can get things back to normal.

One of my favorite things to do while here is visit the spring fed river that runs through town. The spot I like to swim is between two waterfalls.
The first being this one

It's lovely to swim down, or tube down. It is incredibly popular here during the hot summers. The river is flooded with vacation tubers and swimmers from all over.

And of course you can't go without that token river goer, in our case Frisbee Dan. I swear he's risen to celebrity status in our town. He's been there since my siblings were in highschool, I was in highschool... and now that I'm 7 years OUT of highschool... he's still there. He's a fixture at the river, having been going for close to 20 years. He has a flair for teaching the locals his frisbee craft, and his presence is sort of an unofficial keeper of the peace.

no really. that's him. and he's ALWAYS there, wearing exactly that same outfit every time.

Then the waterfall we "end" at is here. They've recently revamped both waterfall play areas so that's its a nicer and more "attractive" area for swimmers to frequent. Their renovations paid off. It's beautiful.
The waterfall below is actually a series of three pretty close together.

This being the first. Each has it's own "chute" for the swimmers and tubers to go down. And let me tell you, it is FUN.

The real fun for going down the chutes is trying to run down them. This... is not easy. Voila - me about to fall on my face into the water.

It took me a few tries...

But I was finally able to go down it running.

My brother is actually pretty good at it. Here we are standing in the middle of the second chute. Actually, HE'S standing, I'm gripping his shirt so the current doesn't take me down. lol

I don't have pictures of the third chute, but here's a river goers secret. (actually, locals who are nice enough will yell it at you as you drift by) Don't. Drag. Your. Feet. Lift them up and swim, otherwise you'll get banged up by the rocks. lol

Reply turned post

2010-09-06T20:14:00.004-04:00

In regards to my Ditty about Doulas post, my long time friend posted a comment among which she asked:

"But what things do you suggest looking for in a good doula? It's such a private, vulnerable experience. How do you know someone is "good enough" to be your doula?"

Interview! Interview! Interview!

I obviously can't say it enough. Get to KNOW the person. There is always a gamble with a person hiding their true intentions/beliefs. Much like with my OB experience. lol
I was blessed in that I had already become friends with Emily. I knew we had very similar opinions, wants and wishes regarding birth. I also knew that when it came down to it, that MY birth...was MY birth, and that Emily wouldn't impose her own ideas, wants or wishes onto me if in the moment I chose different.

As a doula, I prefer being able to meet with a couple more than once before their birth. I ask them questions about them. About what research they've done. What they expect out of this birth. I require a birth plan from them. I let them know that when it comes down to it, I can ONLY advocate for them if they're advocating for themselves.
For instance, if we spoke previously about mom not wanting drugs and I go into the birth telling the nurse "She's said she doesn't want anything.", but the moms turns around and says "oh just give me whatever, I don't mind. Whatever the doctor thinks is good..." Obviously, that's her right. I stuck up for her previously wanted desires. If there is regret later, I can't do anything about that.

If you're unsure of what questions to ask in a Doula interview, there are pages out there that have questions for you to ask a potential doula.

Baby Center

DONA

In the end the important questions you ask yourself.

How well do you and your partner get along with her?

Is the doula a good listener?

Does it feel like a good "match" to both of you?

Do you have the same ideas about birth?

If not, is she willing to put hers aside, realizing that it's YOUR birth?

Let me elaborate on that. You've decided you want/need an induction before your due date. Is the Doula you've interviewed still going to be there for you?

A little ditty about Doulas

2010-09-05T22:46:00.000-04:00

A birth doula is a supportive companion professionally trained to provide labor support. Her role is to give physical, emotional, and informational support to women and partners during labor and birth.

A doula provides continuous support. This support begins when your labor starts (or at whatever point the mother requests her presence) through birth, and for a time following the birth (or when the family feels she's no longer needed).

They offer help and advice on comfort measures such as breathing, relaxation, movement, positioning, and massage. There are "Hypno-doula's" who are also familiar with Hypnosis for Childbirth - like Hypnobabies, and the techniques mothers use for relaxation in their births. They assist families with gathering information about the course of labor and their options.Their most critical role is providing continuous emotional reassurance and comfort.

They attend home births and hospital births; medicated births and un-medicated births. They can be the primary support for the mother, or can be an additional member of her existing labor support team.

They specialize in non-medical skills, and do not perform clinical tasks, or diagnose medical conditions. They do not make decisions for their clients. Their goal is to provide the support and information needed to help the birthing mother have a safe and satisfying birth as the mother defines it.

Why hire a doula?
The statistics speak for themselves. According to studies, having a doula present during labor and birth has been proven to:

Decrease medical intervention in labor:
Reduces need for cesarean by 50%
Reduces length of labor by 25%
Reduces use of oxytocin by 40%
Reduces pain medication use by 30%
Reduces the need for forceps by 40%
Reduces epidural requests by 60%

6 weeks after birth, mothers who had doulas were:
Less anxious and depressed
Had more confidence with baby
More satisfied w/ partner’s role during labor (71% vs 30%)
More likely to be breastfeeding (52% vs. 29%)

I am a certified Doula through Childbirth International.

I have had a "Doula" for two of my births. My dearest friend Emily is amazing. She was there to support me as *I* defined it. With Willem, it was just the mere presence of her around me. The light touches on my back. The support she gave my family.

With Trillian she drove an hour, late at night, to be with my mother and I at the hospital. She had very little sleep on a crappy fold out couch, so my mother could be more comfortable on the bed. (I was content on the floor) She sat with me for HOURS as I showered. She cried with me when I became tired and chose an epidural. She stayed for 2 days straight with me and was there for me as I birthed my baby in a setting I wasn't too comfortable with. Then she drove my mother to my house, completely out of her way.
She was my emotional support. My physical support. My mental support when I felt like giving up. I wanted to run, but she kept me grounded.
My husband is the kind who is clueless when it comes to labor. Sitting in a corner reading a book. She took over where he left off.
Doula's can also just be ADDED support, like she was with my mom. They tag teamed. lol

With both births she expected NO payment because 1) We're friends, 2)She was still in training.
We most definitely paid her anyway.

If you're pregnant, and reading this. Get yourself a doula!!

Deployment Recap

2010-09-04T17:39:00.002-04:00

Week 15

Emotional: I'm good.. pretty good actually!

Physical: PMS'ing is over, now I wait for the period. ugh. Any day now.

Communication: Nate's in port, but not in a hotel. We have our skype dates, but I haven't heard from him in a couple days. Getting kind of worried. I know it's a working port, so as a nuke, I'm sure he's busy busy. At least that better be it. ;) lol

What's something fun you did this week: The train table that I got them came in the mail. I also got them blue sand for the sand box outside. They've been getting bored, so I'm trying to spice life up again.

What are you looking forward to next week: Honestly, for the next SEVERAL weeks, I'm looking forward to when Nate's forms go through and he can get his orders! It's taking forever!

What made you happy this week: Nothing in particular. Nate's parents flew in today. With them, comes gifts. I got some new designer sunglasses (that quite honestly, I can't even wear because I have to have a prescription with it lol) and a new glass ring made in italy. Right now, I'm just enjoying the sounds of laughter. Toto comes to play with the kids, they've really missed her.

What made you sad/mad this week: Mainly just pms'ing and the emotional tension that comes with that.

What do you miss this week: I hate that Nate is missing out on all of this. They're growing up before my eyes this summer.

How's the kiddos this week: Willem has become more articulate. Roan has started lying (blaming Willem for things) and has become more obstinate. It's rather shocking for me to see Roan's behavior change, considering he's always my easy going kiddo. I hear this is a "4 year old phase". Trillian is just so close to crawling! We're waiting for that to happen any day (week?) now! lol

Pictures from this week:

Going for a walk in the park. lol The boys scrunched in behind her.


Rainbow!!!!!

Yes you are looking are BlUE SAND! How awesome is that?

Deployment Recap

2010-08-28T12:24:00.001-04:00

Week 14

Emotional: Remember last week? Yeah. more of that. (see communication)

Physical: I had a kidney infection! Fun times over here in my house. Felt like the flu, but add in severe kidney pain. I'm on the mend now, just finished my round of antibiotics. Still have kidney pain, so it's fun holding the babe on my left hip (sarcasm in case you missed it) but otherwise I'm feeling much better. Went snorkeling again. It's been the "activity of the summer".

Communication: The boat broke down, so their back in port. I skyped with the hubby yesterday morning, his call woke me up, so that was nice. We made a skype date for the afternoon, after I ran all my errands. I gussied up and looked Hot if I do say so myself. What do I get in return?? My husband claiming that the British sailors got him drunk, by "sneaking" alcohol into his coffee. Remind me to tell him he's a horrible liar when he's drunk. I have no doubt that he drank with british sailors. I have no doubt there was alcohol in his coffee. I don't believe he didn't realize it was there.

What's something fun you did this week: Hmm mostly I was just sick. OH, my niece had her volley ball game Thursday. They won both games. 25-24, and 25-8. I wanted to kick some private school asses when they kept making fun of my niece's height. She's at least a 1-2 feet shorter than her peers because of her growth restriction. Thankfully, I don't think she heard of a word of it because of all the noise in the crowd. She's also beginning to embrace her height by adopting the nickname "Elf Size". lol **edit** Halfway to being a "soccer mom" already!! I'm the driving person for her next game!

What are you looking forward to next week: My in-laws are coming to town on the 4th, leaving the 7th.

What made you happy this week: I got my phone fixed! Actually.... they gave me a brand new one! Good thing I backed up all my apps and everything to itunes. So everything (including chat convos and pictures) that was on my old phone is on my new phone. ;)
This is also apparently an "eating week" for Roan. He's suddenly eating anything and everything, which meeeeeeeans GROWTH SPURT.

What made you sad/mad this week: Did you read above? Need I say more?

What do you miss this week: I miss being at my house. I'm missing out on the beginnings of fall weather in CT. I *love* fall. But I do not envy the winter to come.

How's the kiddos this week: Trills is starting her "mam mam mam" sounds that lead into "mama" later on. This is always so exciting for me. She's sitting up on her own, and moving herself around quite well considering she's not crawling *yet*.
Roan is beginning back-talking, which I've heard is normal with 4 yr olds, meaning I have 3 other friends who are in the same boat as myself. The is unusual for me to see coming from Roan. Sweet, mostly compliant Roan has come into this phase of defiance which I'm actually rather proud to see. He can give as good as he gets in regards to Willem these days and it makes me happy to see him defend himself! We do talk about gentle hands, loving our brother and being sweet. We talk about talking about our frustration instead of using our hands to be mean. But I'm GLAD to see Roan sticking up for himself. This is all rather sudden! He's trying out "lying" which isn't going so well for him ;), and excuses. Which if you ask me, is rather funny but I handle them well. "Mommy, I'm too little!! You're big! You do it!" lmao. I say, "I bet astro boy could do it!! You should do it like Astro boy would!!" Then I make "astro boy" noises and they follow along. (thanks to Molly for her "police officer/fire fighter can do it" example that she used for her almost 4 year old)
Willem is getting more articulate than he was before. He and I had a conversation on the phone the other day (about Astro boy of course) and I had no issues understanding him. He's turning more from toddler and growing into a little boy. Breaks my heart, but I love it too.

Pictures from this week:
They're all on my phone. lol

Followed

2010-08-24T21:14:00.000-04:00

My niece is 12. She's just started the 7th grade. I got a text from her today saying that she's following my blog. I just about peed my pants. I wouldn't consider my blog "7th grader friendly".

I replied "What blog? How did you even find it??" She said "the mommy michael one."

And here's the kicker. It's for school. I don't know what the reason is behind it, or how it factors into a grade. But she had to create a blog, and start following someone. She knew I had a blog, so she chose to follow me. Her dad and I quickly put her onto a different path. lol

So beware, you might have a random 7th grader following you because their school is having them do a blog project!

Kidneys suck when they hurt.

2010-08-23T22:10:00.002-04:00

yeah yeah just get the "I told you so's" out of the way. My mother already did. ;)

So for the past couple of weeks, I was experiencing symptoms of a UTI. It actually wasn't painful. Just a little annoying, and I'll admit it, it felt good to pee. lol
Well yesterday during snorkeling, I felt like my side had a stitch in it. Which was ridiculous because snorkeling isn't strenuous for me in the least bit. However, any time I moved, I was just really really sore.
Last night I felt even worse. I had night sweats, chills, fever, couldn't get warm enough and couldn't get rid of my headache. Not to mention my side was KILLING me. I felt most comfortable lying on the side that hurt though, so mostly that's what I did. Night nursing went okay, though more or less I just nursed her on one breast because I was in so much pain.

I woke up this morning still feeling horrible and dizzy. I spent most of my time on the living room couch, thankful that my dad was around to help with the boys.

I had set up a Dr's Appt for today, last week. I was thankful I didn't have to run to the hospital or wait another day for any openings. So my dad drove me to that, I took the baby girl while my mom stayed with the boys.
I waited a fricken HOUR in the waiting room, rocking in pain and trying not to do the "birthing woman moan" because honestly, that repetitiveness makes me feel better.. I was using lots of my Hypnobabies peace cue, although personally I do better listening to the scripts via ipod.
Everybody who showed up AFTER I did, went in before I did. The receptionist had messed up my paper work when I first got there, so I wondered if that was the problem. But when I asked she said that they'd call me right in.
10 minutes later, they finally get around to me. The nurse asks me all the medical info, and takes my vitals. Then the doctor pops in for 5 minutes. Announces I have a Kidney Infection, a temp of 102.2, I'm tachycardic, she wants to give me a shot, Oh and wants me to come back in next week for a pap smear. I haven't said so yet, but I have a feeling I'll be declining that pap. Not if it means I have to wait another hour. I mean really. It's not like I haven't had one this year already.

The shot was a literal pain in the ass (I limped to the car), but hopefully I'll be on the mend soon enough and won't have to go to the ER. Which had I waited any longer in that waiting room, I would have said "screw you all" and gone to the hospital instead.

Here's a tip, don't go to DR. KOWALICK. I'm sure she's a very nice person but their business is not efficient.

Deployment Recap

2010-08-21T00:51:00.000-04:00

Week 13:

Emotional: I really, frankly, don't care if they're out to sea. It's honestly not that big a deal to me. It's the way this life goes, and I've fallen into step with it. But when they hit port, I don't think Nate understands how it can affect me when he goes out drinking before calling me. Or if he takes all day to do it. Or, for example what happened this time, I didn't know they were hitting port. Didn't know he had duty, and didn't know it was a WORKING port not a liberty port. Which means as a Nuke, and as a Nuke who works hard.. he doesn't get off til later in the day. So, I wait around for him with my computer open, like a lost puppy and I hate that! I don't want to admit that there's this side of me that pines after him. Even though there totally and completely is. He and I have had issues in the past. Issues that got me to a point of not caring. To the point of not even crying about it any more because I'd cried so much I had no tears left. Having said that, I choose to love my husband. I choose to be with him and love him. To be his wife and mother to his children. I made that choice when I said yes at the alter and I daily make that choice. Even after the "issues" we've been through, and the choice to daily love him and miss him... I don't want to feel weak again. This blasted pining... makes me feel weak. Like "argh, I want to go do other things, but if I miss a call from him I'd be so upset! Why the hell hasn't he called yet???" There's too many feelings to really adequately put words to it. I love my husband. I miss my husband. My husband DRIVES ME NUTS BECAUSE HE JUST DOESN'T BLOODY GET IT! But then I see my husband and love him so much more, and I see the looks on the kids faces. I see the looks on his face when he sees the kids faces. It's all enough to drive you insane with love for that person.

Then he says he has to go because the person, whose computer he's borrowing, is getting bored....

Physical: Still have that blasted uti and heading to the doctor on monday. Yeah I waited a week, so what? lol It wasn't bothering me all that much and I hoped my body would get over it.

Communication: Emails about every 3rd day. Not too bad. I sent him email number 69 the other day. ye-yeah. ;) No it wasn't a random number. Yes I've sent him that many emails.

What's something fun you did this week: Lots of skinny dipping in my parents pool. I've always loved doing that.

What are you looking forward to next week: My niece's first volleyball game of the season!!

What made you happy this week: One word. Fudge. mmmmmm

What made you sad/mad this week: My computer is messing up. This thing is NEW and I don't know why it's all messed up!!! I'm really missing my Windows Live Writer.

What do you miss this week: What kim said. I miss my house too. Rather, I just miss having our own space. But I'm glad I'm not paying all the extra bills.

How are the kiddos this week: Trills is SO CLOSE to crawling. Maybe a few more weeks. She's really getting the hang of sitting up on her own. She also does this crazy push up position, where her whole body is off the ground except her hands and tippy toes. It's seriously crazy and I've never seen a baby do it before! lol My sister and I always say "Strong. Like OX!" is these horrible russian accents.. but it's so true. She's just the strongest little baby girl. She's got to be, to keep up with those brothers of hers.

The boys are doing well. They loved talking to daddy today, and that always makes me happy. Of course after the initial shock of daddy being on the screen, they went about their usual playing. Is it sad that having dad on the computer screen is a normal thing?

Pictures from this week:

Roan being an awesome bro and helping Willem get dressed.

Trillian is an adventurous eater. These are carrots, pureed at home i might add, but today she ate spinach! And loved it!

Trillian's push ups! Crazy!

On being a Doula…

2010-08-16T11:35:00.001-04:00

My dear friend, and doula for two of my babies, Emily wrote this on her Facebook. So here I share.

The past four years or so have been quite the journey for me, and life has revealed itself in many ways to be full of trials, joys, expectations, disappointments, mistakes and wondrous achievements. All of these experiences has made me into the doula that I am today, as well as the kind of person I am in my "real life", but in fact at the core of my being, not matter what I am doing, I am first and foremost a doula, and for all intents and purposes, a doula is in fact a mother...whether or not she (or he) is in fact an actual physical mother. For in order to be a doula, you must learn how to mother a birthing mother, and this is a skill that usually comes naturally to a person who has sought out being a doula as her chosen profession.

Why am I writing this now? Because some things have been weighing heavy on my heart. Some misunderstandings as to what a doula really is have been skewed...and some things I am just plain annoyed at the complete disregard for the feelings of other people and lack of tact that I sometimes (well, sadly rather often) see on forums and websites about birth. I figured the best way to get it off my chest is through this particular media, because my friends tend to give me the best feedback, and for the sole fact that I have several clients of mine that I am friends with and would love to hear their opinions on what I'm about to share. These are just thoughts that I've had the past week or so, and a sort of "saying out loud" what I feel a doula is, and what, at this point in my life, I feel a doula should be.

For me, a doula (as I said earlier) is a mother. My sole purpose is to be that calming and reassuring presence while a woman is doing one of the most miraculous things she can do in her life...give birth and life to her child. How amazing and honoring it is for me to be invited into that space, and to help keep that space holy. That being said, a doula is also a chameleon. A doula has to leave whatever she though about birth, whatever he beliefs are about birth, whatever her agenda is about birth at the door, and focus solely on what this particular mother's thoughts, beliefs, and agendas are for her own child, and for her own body. I must as a doula encourage her (and help her access the latest information and studies) to take her own power, make her own choices, and help her to know and feel that she is in control of her life, and her unborn child's life. There is no greater empowerment than that (in my opinion).

The difficulty comes in when a client wants something or asks for something or feels she needs something that I don't agree with. At the end of the day, these are not my choices to make, this is not my child to care for, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this mother fiercely loves her baby (just as I do mine) and is making the choices she feels is best for herself, and for her baby. It is not my position (should something go wrong due to the choices a client has made, or should something turn out not quite as well as my client had hoped) to judge, or to say "I told you so." Who am I to know what is best for someone else's child? It is my place to love, encourage, console, and help her realize that everything happens for a reason, all the choices made were made out of love and concern for her baby's welfare, and were in fact the best choices she could have made given that situation. We all walk this road of life...we all stumble and fall...we all make some choices that sometimes we regret. But as a doula in work,and in life, it is NEVER my place to make anyone feel badly for the choices that they have made for their children. It is indeed one of the biggest insults, and is one of the most soul crushing things to be told that you were a bad mother, that you made bad decisions for your child.

Learning how to speak to women about their bodies, their pregnancies, their choices, their options (because there ARE many), and the aftermath of all of the above is one of the most important skills a doula can acquire (or any person for that matter). Usually these skills come with age and experience, and with an innate ability to have a heart overflowing with love and compassion for what are more often than not, complete strangers trusting you with their most intimate of experiences...the birth of their child.

Above all, the mother's thoughts, feelings, and desires are and should be at the forefront of every doula's mind as she goes in to support a birth, and a post partum mother. I find myself saying to pretty much ALL of my clients at one point or another "Your feelings MATTER!" and usually the woman is kind of taken aback by that simple validating statement. It never ceases to amaze me that it usually never occurs to a pregnant, birthing, and post partum woman that her feelings MATTER! And it always gives me a sense of honor and deep responsibility when that light clicks in her head and she realizes that SHE DOES MATTER...what a simple concept, and what a huge responsibility I have to make sure these women know these three simple words are the biggest truth she can grasp onto in order to give herself the strength and the power to make her OWN choices, for her OWN baby, and her OWN unique family.

I thank all of my clients over the past 4 years for allowing me into their hearts and their lives. For allowing me to learn and grow as I continue on this path as a doula, and for trusting me to keep your best interest at heart at all times. It is truly a blessing and an honor.

All my love....your doula,

Emily

Emily is a CBI trained and certified doula in Connecticut.

Deployment Recap

2010-08-15T00:09:00.000-04:00

WEEK 12

Emotional: Yeah for some reason this past week, my hormones have been HIGH. Like seriously, I cried at a dolphin show. And it wasn't even that spectacular.

Physical: I have a UTI! yay. go me. I have no clue how I got it, but I did. It doesn't bother me all that much thank goodness.

Communication: he's been on this every 3rd day "rotation" as he put it. lmao I told him "yeah, I'm going to be selfish and say that it's not enough and that I want to hear from you more." lol hopefully that got a smile out of him. I was just moody that day, but I said it with love.

What's something fun you did this week: I went to the gulf coast! Went down to Port Aransas, and drove down around the corpus christi area. The kids had a blast in the "big sand box" aka beach. Playing in the waves. I had a 3 bedroom condo all to myself. It was insane. I was there with friends, and it was just so nice to get away.

What are you looking forward to next week: Seeing a movie with my dad and bro tomorrow. We had hoped to go snorkeling in the river today but that didn't pan out. Oh well.

What made you happy this week: Not too much is making me happy this week..

What made you sad/mad this week: Nothing really, but now I want to know what pissed Briana off!

What do you miss this week: I kind of miss being able to escape and hole up in the house with just me and the kids. The kiddos really LOVE being able to be out here, but I'm missing MY house and my friends in CT. Life happens. Don't plan on going back any time soon, I'm able to save money not paying stupid bills.

How are the kiddos this week: Doing pretty good. I think I need to take Willem back to the doctor. He just still doesn't seem "right". It's a gut feeling.

Pictures from this week:

The clam shell that I was christened over in Port Aransas. =)

My favorite PIC of all. mwahahaha.

willem the guardian

2010-08-12T13:50:00.000-04:00

he did this three times.. i especially love the yell before he jumps

Is this Co-parenting?

Remember that 3 day–60 mile walk

I’ve been so quiet!

End of Summer

It’s been one heck of a busy month….

Not Spain or France… She’s my Basque Baby!

Holy Moley

Why I believe in God

Why I believe in God…

A letter to my dearest,

Finding humor in what we can.

Burial of Christ

What is Conscious Parenting?

Random facts about me:

Breakdown of Birth

The Family Bed

Susanne says:

-Isms

Dear Rev. Phelps

3 days to find a cure, I can do that.

More than an unnecesarean…

My baby is THREE!

Valentines

Hot Topics

Update

My baby girl has some bling bling

Suppose I should

Baby Girl Turns 1!

On my mind…

Cloth Diapering

My MIL, the celebrity Chef

BBC - Hunting Games

Slow to post

hyvää joulua!!

Still alive

Vacation Time

Deployment Recap

love this

Deployment Recap

Hypnotic state

Etsy

4 Things

Deployment Recap - Week 25

My little boy turns 4!!

Prayers!

So keep up the prayers for this family. I don't know them personally, but I pray God's healing hands, and wisdom for the doctors and nurses who are caring for them. I'm sure this was a very scary experience, but I hope she walks away from it every bit the little girl she was before.

Deployment Recap

Check it Out!!

Deployment Recap

The Rituals of American Hospital Birth - The Unnecesarean -

"boat humor" and sexist pigs

Deployment Recap

Deployment Recap

I suspected

Healthy Eating Habits

Google Alert

Deployment Recap

The Cast Aways - Week 1

Deployment Recap

Start using Mint.com to manage your money today!

Texas Style

Deployment Recap

Your Insurance May Cover a Doula

Today

*LOVE*

Teething

Cross Post!

River Fun

Reply turned post

A little ditty about Doulas

Deployment Recap

Deployment Recap

Followed

Kidneys suck when they hurt.

Deployment Recap

On being a Doula…

Deployment Recap

willem the guardian

LOVE